Why Are All of My Matches So Different?
Does this letter sound familiar?
I have been on eHarmony for a couple of months and have been matched with over 60 women; have been in touch with over 30 women; 10 of them let me read their personality profile; I actually met 3 women all of whom were good matches for me but no two of them are remotely the same. I understand that the goal of this service is to match people on the basis of their personality. My question is as follows: How can all these dramatically different women be a good match for me?
Well, we’d be happy to answer your question. eHarmony is searching for someone who is like you in a number of important ways. As you probably, know we base our compatibility assessment on 29 dimensions. 29 areas that my research has shown are vital for a couple’s long term relationship success.
These dimensions are widely varied and touch on many different areas, including Kindness, Intelligence, Anger Management, Curiosity, Ambition, Emotional Health, Adaptability. These are just a few of the 29 dimensions we consider when choosing a match for you.
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Every significant difference between you and your spouse will create the need for a compromise. Over a lifetime that compromise is a weight on the marriage. We’re not talking about compromising on where you’ll have dinner on Friday night. We’re looking at compromise in the 29 dimensions. If you are very ambitious and she is not. If you are a very kind person and she is not. If education is very important to you and has little value to her. Fundamental disagreement on these issues will gnaw away a relationship.
Let’s draw the analogy to a bank account. Each similarity is a deposit and each compromise is a withdrawal. If your relationship has a significant number of similarities there will be enough in the bank account to endure the occasional withdrawal. But when the dissimilarities begin to stack up there is great possibility of overdrawing the account. Because of the number of dimensions we match on and the wide range of human activity within each dimension, the people who would be a great match for you vary greatly. • A person who has a tremendous analytical intelligence, a great degree of curiosity in several specific areas, a general ambition, and a very small amount of anger might be a great fit for you. • A person who has a substantial human intelligence, a moderate degree of curiosity in all things, a driving career ambition and a very effective way of blowing off their more considerable natural anger, might also be a great match for you. If you met these two people side by side, they would seem very different, and this is just considering four dimensions. The important thing to remember is that we only present a match to you when we’ve found someone we feel is special. All our matches fit with you in fundamental and important ways.
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33 Comments View this thread in our community
macadamianutz
November 1,2010 at 01:06 pmI have noticed that my matches can range from extreme introverts to extreme extroverts, a category which I would assume falls under the "29 dimensons". I am a very slight extrovert, almost middle of the road actually. Does this make me compatible with any and all personality types? :)
sallyo
June 10,2010 at 03:22 pmOH the matches
Th matches I get which are very few and the ones I received are the right age group
But so far away. I thought they were supposed to match me within so many miles.
I am in Eastern Canada and they are matching me to the other side of Canada and th USA and one in the UK
What with this?? I have within 300 miles
The one I have been dating they matched me with is even in another province a 6 hour drive from me making a long distant rellationship almost impossible and will be in winter.
2 others I met from another site they matched me with them on here and they live too far and by all means not my type at all and about 15 years older. I am not wanting to change diapers and feed someone.
I paid good money and I don't find it any better than a free site I was on, not so far any way. I guess I better give eHrmoney a chance but seems they are matching the very same as POF, a free site.
Maybe I am not being fair so I will wait longer till this mambership runs out anyway. what do you think?? But I am disappointed because I thought eharmoney would be the best and by the ads I thought I would meet my perfect match without any problems on here
sallyo
June 10,2010 at 03:05 pmOH my
I have met only one man in here and we seemed to be perfect and we did match almost 100% on HERE until we began dating and got to know one another better. we do have differnces but they worked out ok except two. One was him rushing me wanting to get maried or me move with him. WE got that all clearned up I have my own home too and we are not making any move this soon I need more time at least a year
This one is where our problem is big time and can't be fixed at all because he will not bend not even 2 % and I can;t bend it means my health if you know what I mean. WE have only known each other 9 week so one needs to be carful for a long time I think
I am very fond of him and he claims he loves me but... that one problem will be there for ever and have no idea what to do about it other than , it is over I don't have a choice I am afraid . Just like that
NoWayMan
March 12,2010 at 06:20 pmMy matches are all different, but there are some things that they all have in common.
I agree with the guy that complained earlier, the matches I get are very disappointing. Most of them don't have pictures. I know you can request that the person show their photo, but I don't have time for all of that.
ironangel
September 25,2009 at 07:22 amI keep getting matched with older men, men that do not take care of their body (pot belly), some of them want to make me run off into the night screaming never to be hear from again. I don't want an overweight, red neck..whose only interest is beer and writing his name in pee. Hello? If I wanted a red neck...I just go to town on Friday night or the local watering hole and pick up a drunk.
Iron Angel
sahara16ca
March 10,2009 at 06:31 pmTo all the guys out there...
Please be 100% honest and truely yourself right from the start when you meet a woman.
If you don't, the truth about who you really are inside, your likes and dislikes and how you think and handle yourself on a day to day basis will eventually come out. She will see your true colours. If they are not the same as when she first met you, you can count on the relationship not working out.
Don't be on your "best behaviour," for the 1st three months of a new relationship and then go back to how you really are after that. It will be a waste of both of your time, money and emotional investment.
Don't you want someone to love you for who you really are?
Tammy
prk667
July 29,2008 at 04:07 pmI have no problem in thinking of a place to go. I really dont think that you do either!
graceventually
July 17,2008 at 05:33 pmI'm with yu, missoujk! I have already posted on some websites that offer dating site reviews. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is the difficulty I have getting a sense for who these people are and why I am being matched with them. It's as though eH is saying, "Don't worry, we know best". The heck they don't!!
I have officiated at 4 eH weddings in the past 5 years, so I know it works for some, but they were all a lot younger than I. It doesn't seem like there are nearly as many men on here in my age group as there are on some competing sites, or eH doesn't think I match with very many of them for some reason.
mizzoujk
July 17,2008 at 03:56 pmAs a business consultant, EH seems to care nothing about "satisfying customers," let alone "delighting" them.
A dissatisfied customer tells 12 people about a company.
EH's matching system is a joke. They match me with a rogues gallery of women, only 50% with a photo.
After three months, I am emailing two women for the first time last night. They seem like my type, but I have doubts if they ever agree to talk on the phone or meet in person.
A month ago I Fast Tracked (what a ridiculous phrase) with another woman. We even talked on the phone, but she's having an affair with a guy she meets in Miami since they live in different parts of the country. I imagine the guy is married.
I am cancelling my three-month membership and plan on telling 12 people EH is a waste of time and money.
graceventually
July 16,2008 at 09:22 pmI've been very disappointed with the matches, too. I'm having much better luck on a competing site. I receive few matches and I can't imagine how I'd be compatible with most of them - several are quite obviously fundamentalists and I'm a clergywoman, for heaven's sakes!! So many of the profiles are so short, I can't get a sense for whether I am interested or not. I think the 29 dimensions are bogus. My 3 months expire in a couple weeks and I'm not renewing.
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