Excuses Begone: Post that Dating Profile Photo Online

By Guest Contributor Heidi Lee Munson, YourTango


Excuses Begone: Post that Dating Profile Photo Online

You haven’t posted any pictures online  -- yet you finally joined as part of your quest to stop kissing toads, right?


What’s holding you back? Worried that once your picture is up that no one will respond? Perhaps you are concerned that someone you know might recognize you? Maybe even afraid of cyber-stalkers? Or are you quite simply struggling about which picture you should post?


Whatever the reason – get that picture up today.
 
In an online dating profile, your pictures act as your stationery – and really nice stationery is memorable. If you want someone to come to your party, you have to invite them, right? But more importantly, you have to send an invitation that they would actually open. Just like a party invitation – if it looks like junk mail it does not get opened.
 
OK, so that didn’t cut it, right? You’re frustrated with me and saying, “Heidi Lee, a little help, please!”
 
Alright, alright. Dating is scary, and online dating can be nerve-wracking. When your picture finally goes live, you feel like you’ve made that final leap into a daunting new world. Let’s look at each of your excuses and see if we can help you to overcome them, shall we?
 
Excuse #1: If no one likes my picture, I won’t get any dates


You can be sure that without a photo, you also won’t find any dates. Not sharing a picture tells potential suitors that you have something to hide. Profiles without pictures get deleted – period. With the thousands of people joining daily, odds are that someone is going to think you are absolutely stunning, but not if you don’t finish powdering your nose and come out to the party.


Excuse #2: Someone I know might recognize me
 
If someone recognizes you, they are online as well! Nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone is in it together – and a basic etiquette exists among most members. “I didn’t see you and you didn’t see me – capiche?”


However, if both of you are comfortable and find a neutral way to address the idea, you may just find a new partner in crime. Best case scenario, though, you now know that the hot guy on the 2nd floor of your building is single.


Excuse #3: I'm afraid of Cyber-Stalkers
 
In this day and age, this is understandable. But - they don't know who you are just because you put your picture online. You would actually need to give them identifying information to find you. This is not a reason to hide your great smile - instead hide your full name, phone number and address. Don't give this information out until you are comfortable with who is on the receiving end. In fact, many of the dating sites offer an Anonymous Phone Call feature so you can connect while still maintaining anonymity.


Excuse #4: I don’t know what kind of picture to post
 
Ok, so this one is a little more tricky. Let me offer some guidance:
Use snapshots rather than professional photos for your profile picture. People trust the sincerity of candid shots, whereas professional pictures tend to send mixed messages. Use a picture that shows your face – preferably with a smile. Make sure that you use a picture taken within the last year or so. Potential suitors will see an old photo as a lie.
 
The most important thing about putting up your picture is that you are honest about it. Own who you are, and be proud of yourself.


More at YourTango:


Is Your Career Killing Your Relationship?, Is Angelina Jolie Trying Too Hard?, Break Up With Your Ex  

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?



16 Comments View this thread in our community


Pelis

March 28,2012 at 11:01 pm

I agree 100% with everything Tony said.

Anonymous

March 14,2012 at 12:16 pm

i'm really getting tired of getting matches without photos of them.... how can you get any ideal about them if you don't have a photo???

Antonie (Tonie)

February 25,2012 at 09:31 pm

I wish to find my soal mate.The man who loves doing the same things I do. Someone who is not only looking for a good time but wants to have a serious loving and nurturing relationship. I am divorced and wish to get it right the second time around. One who is calm, sensative, loving, has a sense of humor, loves to travel, do sports enjoy nature and family life.

I love music, singing, baking, love sports like hockey, skating, skiing, swimming, boating and enjoy summer sports care convertible. I enjoy reading, learing walking and being in nature. I love to travel which I no longer do anymore. Love concerts, dancining, sports games and mini vacation weekends. I am a very loving, funny, easygoing, outgoing person.

I am a hard working person with goals and ambitions. What I want is usually what I get. Love to help others and worked for a very long time doing things for others, giving an excellent treatment and service, worked for always hi class society. Now I am the the technology field help, informing, coatching. I wish to help myself in treating myself with specialties for a change.

For these reasons I am looking for that special someone who wants to spend time, quality time and does not mind it. My better half.

Who is that lucky man out there ?

Anonymous

February 24,2012 at 09:31 am

I remember I was so nervous and wanted to look my first, I actually got a pair of new earrings from shopbop.com so that it would accentuate my features!

Jan

February 9,2012 at 06:13 pm

The problem is too many people use pics as an excuse not to meet someone. A pic is an idea of how I look, not the day in and day out of my style. On any given day, I do not look as good as my best picture or as bad as my driver's license.

Tony

February 8,2012 at 09:02 pm

You may think me shallow, but I will give very little consideration to a profile with no picture. I certainly won't meet you without first seeing a picture. Most people I think would agree, so definitely get those pics up there.
I guess e-harm does not let you look at pics until you pay up is so that you will indeed pay up. For me however, it does just the opposite. I will not join if I don't think there is any real reason to, and without any pictures, I just can't see spending good money on a shot in the dark.

Redd

February 12,2012 at 06:50 pm

Tony's right. I unfortunately took the shot in the dark and I regret it. for a couple of reasons, #1 nobody on this site responds. I've sent many email's and many questionnaires AKA "guided communication" and yet no response. #2. I have only been matched up with people who have not been on for more than three weeks. after three weeks they should not be matching with people because they clearly are not interested. like tony no photo=no view, but unlike tony if you have less than three photo's I will not bother. it is a total shot in the dark and it has not turned out well for me.

Anonymous

February 9,2012 at 04:58 pm

I agree 100% with everything Tony said.

Travis

February 8,2012 at 11:48 am

Erm, I'm pretty sure I read something not too long ago on this very site suggesting studio photos instead of random 'me at the park' or 'hey, I snapped this in front of a mirror with my phone' photos.

I mean, I suppose that ultimately expresses what everyone knew anyway. You know, people and opinions and all. Probably the real suggestion comes out to something like 'use both if you can.' Regular picture(s), and 'this is how I clean up' professional pictures with lighting and such.

I don't disagree with the sentiment of the article though. It's a tough thing to do, but probably pretty necessary, and some good old fashioned prodding never hurts.

Heidi Lee

February 13,2012 at 05:58 pm

Hi Travis et al ...

Great discussion here related to the Professional Pic versus the Candid snap shot. If I may jump in?

While Many experts suggest professional photos, other schools of thought say to be natural and be yourself. Thus ... the great debate started here.

As a former Online Dater, I found more success meeting like-minded people when I used photos highlighting my personality rather than my professional headshots. And I fell in love with my husband who I met online.

When it comes to your suggestion, "use both if you can" Absolutely! I tell my clients that if they use a professional headshot, to use it as a secondary photo. But lead with au naturale. Think about it ... as a guy, don't you think a woman looks gorgeous in a ponytail and ball cap?

My advice is to lead with a fantastic candid shot - everyone has one buried in social media without resorting to the smartphone self-pic. And if you want to put a professional shot up, please do. But be certain to show off your personality somewhere within your photo-biography. People truly seeking relationships want to know more about you than good lighting and a professional eye can bring about.

I love and appreciate the discussion - thank you. Best luck in your search. I'd love to hear more on your thoughts.
Kind Regards,
Heidi Lee


Post new comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
More information about formatting options

By posting a comment, I agree to the Community Standards.
Need help with eHarmony.com?

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
2 + 0 =
Solve this simple math problem and enter the result. E.g. for 1+3, enter 4.