Three Secret Tests Women Use to Decide if He's Boyfriend Material
Every first date ends with a woman asking herself just one question: Is there any chance that you might be boyfriend material? In this article, David DeAngelo reveals the three secret “tests” every woman uses (usually without even realizing it) to see if you have “relationship potential.”
When it comes to building great relationships with women, some guys have to learn the hard wayand I was one of them. After a lot of dates with a lot of women, I noticed two things:
#1: It takes a special set of skills and insights to pass a woman’s tests and graduate from first-dater to “boyfriend material,” the kind of man she wants to share fulfilling, long-term intimacy with.
#2: The longer I continued to fail these tests, the more I started to feel like something wonderful was missing from my life -- also known as having a great GIRLFRIEND.
That in mind, here come the three secret “tests” that every woman uses (even if she doesn’t realize it) to determine whether you are boyfriend material:
Test #1: Are You Present?
When it comes to first dates, most guys waste precious time and opportunities with great women by not actually “being there” at all. As they sit across the table from a woman, most guys are busy planning, worrying about what to say and do next or worse -- just not being interested. And it shows. Until a man is confident and comfortable enough to be totally “present,” he’ll never connect with a woman in the moment, let alone for the future. He’ll act nervous, bored, aloof or dismissive. It will be painfully obvious that he’s not hearing or caring about what she has to say.
Test #2: Are You Thoughtful?
I know what you’re thinking...and you’re totally wrong. About 99% of guys think that being “thoughtful” is about telling a woman how pretty she is, or buying her flowers, gifts or lavishing attention on her at obvious moments. But when it comes to whether she’ll see you as boyfriend material, thoughtfulness takes on a whole other meaning.
It’s your ability to pay attention to her in unexpected ways -- at unexpected times -- because it’s genuinely in your heart to do it. Of course, thoughtfulness means delivering attention and interest...but in heartfelt ways that she can’t predict, at the times she needs it most. Basically, instead of being over the top with flashy gifts, expensive dinners, and obvious compliments, true thoughtfulness is telling her that you were thinking of her today when she wasn’t around(by the way... if you’re not thinking about her when she’s not around, don’t waste her time trying to become her boyfriend).
Test #3: Are You Balanced?
Any high-wire artist will tell you that success is a delicate balancing act. Yet most men fail miserably with great women right out of the gate by not behaving in a “balanced” way toward them... going too far in one direction or another in what they say and do. For example, I always say that confidence and humor go a long way toward succeeding with women, but too many guys act like a “jerk,” coming across as unfunny, insulting or arrogant. Also, like I said above, being present is a critical characteristic of boyfriend material...yet too many men come off as needy or desperate, asking tons of low-self-esteem questions ("How do you think it’s going?”) or constantly calling, texting, and emailing a woman. Instead -- say and do things that come from a place of personal balance (also known as inner confidence and self-control) and success will happen almost automatically.
Plan a wonderful evening, then guide a woman through it from start to finish. Replace the nervous chatter and insecure comments with real conversation -- asking what you want to know about her straight out. Make her laugh with smart, observational comments instead of put-down jokes. All of these are powerful ways to make her remember you...to keep thinking about you...to be drawn to spend more time with you.
In other words...to pass her tests and make her think of you as genuine boyfriend material.
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Get more life-changing facts about why great women instantly see some guys as “boyfriend material”... while most men never make it to a second date. Acclaimed “Double Your Dating” author David DeAngelo reveals his most powerful tools and techniques for escaping a life of serial dating, failure and rejection in his FREE “Dating Secrets” newsletter. Subscribe here.
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31 Comments View this thread in our community
Anonymous
May 13,2012 at 08:22 am3 tests--Equifax, Experian, Transunion.
Anonymous
March 22,2012 at 11:45 pmNot true whatsoever! I have friends possess all of the above traits and STILL having a hard time finding dates. I guess this kind of things only happen in North America. It's so much easier dating in Asia or Europe because the expectation is not as high. In other words, don't waste your time in North America!
Anonymous
March 22,2012 at 12:46 pmDid you ever see the movie "A Bronx Tale"? The kid is told to watch the girl he is dating (for the first time) and when he unlocks her car door and then goes around to his side, and she opens the door for him - then she is the right kind of girl.
My test is the fast food test... if we share a side order and he grabs every thing for himself, that is a warning of how one sided the relationship will be. If he lets me have the last item on the plate - he's a good guy. Also if a guy refuses to back me up when I am right about something - like a clerk refusing to honor a coupon that I know is still good, then he is a top notch kind of guy.
I take up for those I care about, and I am a giving person. I just expect the same in a guy.
Anonymous
March 20,2012 at 08:59 pmI clicked on this article thinking I would get help in going back to the dating world after a bad two-year break-up with a beautiful girl I had just about everything in common with. The thing is, I already did ALL of this stuff, and she did NONE of it. She was 18 and I was 23 when we first started dating, and she was the one neglecting me. It only started that way four months into our relationship. She'd text chat with her friends while we were out on a date instead of spending quality time with me. I opened doors for her, bought EVERYTHING for us, took her teenage brothers with us if she asked me to, and would even take the blame from her horrible step-father if he thought she did something wrong. And when I'd try to strike up an intelligent conversation with her, she wouldn't be interested in what I was saying. SHE NEVER EVEN CAME TO SEE ME; for TWO YEARS, I was the driver. Even when the relationship became long distance, I drove to see her. Some days, she wouldn't talk to me until 10 at night and claim she misplaced her phone in her house. I got a job while she was in college, and she began cheating on me with a clinically depressed, very non-gentlemanly jerk who is full of put-downs for everyone. After breaking my heart in such a way, she had the audacity to tell me that he's better than I am and she would never take me back.
Every man who is worth a damn and wants something long-term wants exactly the same thing from a woman. Please treat him like and equal in love. Don't take everything until he has nothing left to give, then throw him away.
Victoria
April 30,2012 at 08:01 pmIm a female and i TOTALLY understand how you feel. I did everything for him and he took me for granted and neglected me. He is always so busy that he will meet me when he has some leftover time in which he has no one to spend it with, and it was always me going to him. And mostly i will be the one contacting him and on days he was MIA in the day he will contact me around 12-1am when i have to wake up like 530am for school.
I really want a dedicated boyfriend who will plans the future with me. I guess likes attract likes and im working on that.
Anonymous
March 21,2012 at 09:10 pmAlright, so I can already pin point where you went wrong friend and that is essentially everywhere. I used to do the whole entire nice guy bit and was recently dating a girl for about 3 months, but never got sexually involved(can't believe i stuck it out but you know, head over heals bs). She would constantly nag me about why I didnt treat her like a jerk and told me that I was predictable(which by her words...was husband material). While this wasn't bad, it's something that girls aren't looking for this young especially an 18 year old in your case.(you and I being 23, I would say dont look to get committed, we're still young, have fun, but be safe ;) I would do favors, buy her dinner, treat her good, basically on hands and knees to please her(just how I was, but am working on changing) One day we went to this get together(drinking involved) and she straight hooked up with this guy while i was there...biggest slap in the face...honestly, deserve to be talked down on for going out like that, but thats a different story. Bottom line, is that you acted like a wussy and gave her everything hand on foot like I did. While she greatly appreciated all the nice things you did for her, I'm assuming you slowly gifted/favored your way out of her pants(no diss, just stating what happened to me). I came across the author of this Articles book before everything went to south with that girl and it was only then that I realized that I was doing everything wrong. Pity thing is that I had already messed up my chance before anything went bad, so there was no chance of recovering(but like a dumbass, stuck it thru). I am also, I am amazed that you stuck it out from her distancing and acting like a brat during dates(texting friends on dates, having you do favors for her family, etc). In anycase, I highly advise you to pick up the Book, Double your Dating and Attraction Isn't a Choice, this will essentially break down everything I told you except in bigger contexts. It will also show you where you went wrong and why your ex essentially cheated on you. I'm not saying be a complete arrogant jerk to women, but don't let them be that easy and let them walk all over you(taking advantage of your niceness, that's all they will use you for, it happened to me) Just have fun, do your thing, be confident and wait for a girl to chase after you and wants to do favors/give gifts to you, essentially put the shoe on the other foor. Cut back on constant dinner outings, do less favors, do not wait on her hand on foot and NOOOO GIFTS OR FLOWERS unless its one single flower that's her fav or a really small inexpensive gift that means something or lets you know you were thinking of her. Moderation is the key(ironically I never listened to my moms advice when it came to girls, in which this is one of em), let her know your time is valuable, be a man and take charge. At the same time, know what kind of woman you want, then go for her. Last but not least, MEET LOTS OF GIRLS, the more you meet and talk to, you'll find that there is better and even hotter ones that can carry the conversation and be the girl of your actual dreams, not some girl that kinda fits the description and will be your gf for the time being...thats called settling for less than your best, and according to your last ex, you did. If she don't treat you well, how are you treating yourself well? Catch my drift? Please read up on the book and it will definitely get you to see why women think the way they do, which is illogical to us...hence that emo disturbed jerk she chose over you. On that note, good luck friend and remember, Your the Trophy, not her and she has to earn you.
Jenn
March 21,2012 at 07:43 pmUmmmm i think you had a whole lot of clues there that it wouldnt work out...
Kathryn
March 21,2012 at 03:25 amGo back and read what you write in one word----18------she was 18 and a CHILD. Immature.She was from a dysfunctional family. It would never work out between you 2. You cant fix her!! Maybe she will "get it" at some point,maybe she wont. She also may have whats called Narcissism. Google it is you aren't familiar with that term. Given that your one description of her was "beautiful", perhaps that is one reason you kept going back? A beautiful woman on your arm? But I dont really want to beat you up. You sound like A REALLY GOOD GUY. Please dont give up but DO heal first. Catch a young lady with a steady gaze and a slight smile. If she acknowledges you look with the same slightly longer than a glance look and maybe a giggle or a slight smile., Go up and say hi to her. Please dont do this until the anger has healed some though.
Jenn
March 20,2012 at 05:39 pmI thought this advice was extreamly correct. When you take a woman out on a date please act like you are interested in what she has to say. I have gone out with men before that I couldn't get a word in backside all they wanted to do was talk about themselves and I have met men that getting them to talk was like pulling teeth. After a date with someone it means a lot when they text me saying they had good time and most often I will do the same. On that not the part about being thoughtful is correct too. Not in a materialistic way but a text good morning or good night or in middle of day asking how my day is more likely to get my attention then someone that I don't hear from but once a week. It shows that you are thinking about me and I am important enough for you to take the time. On the other hand I just had to tell a man I wasnt really interested in him simply from the fact he would called me 6 times in one day one of this times being 4:30 in the morning. That just shows he is too needy.
The comment about sex is wrong too women think about sex just as much as men do however men have a tendace to be crude about it. I like sex but I don't like men that feel they have the need to always make sexual comments to me. That is a big turn off and leads me to believe that is all you are really interested in.
Anonymous
March 20,2012 at 01:40 pmI dont agree with the article 100%. Of course a woman wants to know a guy is interested. But from a guys perspective, how much time and energy would we spend if we go on dates and act genuinely interested on every one?? it takes too much energy and time and if the woman gets bored (which they seem to do very easily) then there is no boyfriend potential. I think just act yourself and be courteous is the way to go. I am by no means perfect but men lie, exaggerate, or act interested when they may not really be because guess what? Men think about sex more than women. And its the sexual desire that drives us. Of course I am not saying be a jerk but be yourself and if she doesnt laugh or seem to have a good time, move on....
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