Breaking the Gender Stereotype

I do not need to be aroused to want sex. I just want sex, then during sex, I am then sexually aroused. I love it, I want more of it, and I LOVE making my man feel awesome.

His last ex-girlfriend used sex as a weapon, only giving him sex maybe once or twice a month. PREPOSTEROUS! That is evil!

I will jump on my man any time I have the chance, even while he drives. I will tease him by rubbing him between the legs and softly stroking him, while I brain tease him into verbally answering my questions. Haha!! He did once pulled over and went all over me. I felt during that time as though we were in the "dating" stage all over again, being fun and flirty and lovely dovey.

New? Human beings have been around a lot longer than Scientific research.

Amen sister.

mystikchik: Unlike some of you here I cannot speak for what all women want or what all men want or even most women or most men. I can speak for myself, however. I like sex. I like a lot of sex. I like it when the man I am with likes sex as much as myself. I have had a few boy friends that I practically had to rape to get them to have sex with me. This is no fun and I cannot imagine what a married life would be like with a guy with a low libido, aside from very, very frustrating. As to worrying what guys may or may or not think about my sexual past: that is 100% there problem not mine. I will in a very few years have a good paying job and will be completely financially independent. I don't plan on needing or wanting a guy to look after me; I don't need a man to feel complete. So he can leave his hangups at the front door. I would not want to partner with any guy who divides women into "Madonnas/whores".

Nanette: Not desiring sex as much just because you don't show interest? I don't "show interest" because I don't want to necessarily give the impression that I want it with that person. I can be attracted to someone and might want to have sex with them but I know its in my and everyones best interests if I don't. Sure as hell hasn't made me desire it any less!

I was more referring to women who actually feel ashamed of sex, like it is a sin or bad. These women suppress their desire, consciously or unconsciously. It clearly does not apply to all women. I think most modern women, exposed to sex in the media have started to accept their sexually more. They still may hide their sexuality, but they don't feel bad (or as bad) about being sexual beings.

I have seen how different cultures and different generations within those cultures have dealt with that, and have noticed clear patterns, all directly related to what they were taught about sex.

I have seen some generations within certain cultures use sex as a weapon against the men. Most women in this generation think sex as something men wants, and use sex to control their man. Then I notice other cultures on the other side of the world, where the women are taught that their role as a wife is to please their man sexually, and are expected to please their man any time he wants. These are obviously the two extremes. And then you have some cultures in the tropics where the women openly display sexuality and their culture values the sexuality of the woman. Then you have the current college age generation in some cultures that have totally separated sex from love and actively engage in sex for sex's sake.

Now all of these are stereotypes and obviously do not apply to everyone in those cultures (which is why I did not name the cultures), but it goes to show you that sexually varies greatly by group, mostly by what they are taught is acceptable and not acceptable.

I think that deep down, men and women both have the capability to desire sex as much as each other, just like you said, and as long as they do not suppress their natural desires, a man and woman's desire for sex can be the same. (I say can because all men and women are different and medical reasons, emotional reasons, religious & cultural beliefs, etc. may get in the way in specific cases.)

Sometimes you have to be explicit and say what you really want. It is interesting that when I started saying exactly what I wanted (sexually, emotionally, spiritually) and fully communicating, I started getting what I wanted. And, amazingly, by me opening up, it allows her to open up, which means she gets what she wants... and desires sex a lot more as a result.

Communication is key. In addition to telling her how much you love her, tell her how much you want to make love to her. Sounds like you already make her feel loved. Now start making her feel sexually wanted by you too. Since you say your sex life is already passionate... when it does happen... start telling her how much you want to make love to her during the day, and when you get home, she will have been desiring it all day and will be jumping on you. You have to plant the seed and create the desire. Many woman respond to sex, rather than initiate it. Sounds like you have that type of woman. In that case, you need to initiate, my friend. Both of you will be pleased with the result, if what you say is true, that when you do have sex, it is always great.

It sounds like you already know how to turn her on, you are just not planting the seeds. Remember, love, sex and making love are 3 different things. You are showing her love but you are desiring either sex or making love. You need to show her you want to make love / have sex, in addition to showing her your love.

Think of it this way, You may love your friend or your mom or you sister, but that does not mean you want to have sex with them. You are showing your wife love, which is good. But that is also why she doesn't think of sex. Love is not sex. Now show your wife how much you want to make love, and see the difference.

Good luck.

6811david: Well, I guess I don't get it. (Pun intended) In my 27 years of marriage my wife has not sexually responded more positively to romance than she has to the 'same o - same o". As far as taking it slow and letting her get in the mood... my varied approach follows along lines like this:

6AM before I leave for work - "Good morning Beautiful. Have a great day".

10am - A sweet little email arrives on her computer telling her how glad I am that she's the one I share life with."

2PM - A dozen red roses arrive at her office... The card says, "Just because".

6PM - A nice dinner out at her favorite Italian restaurant.

8PM - I pull up an easy chair and foot stool to the edge of the kitchen and sunggle her into it with her favorite couch blanket. We talk about her day and her world while I do the dishes and clean up the kitchen.

9PM - The teenage kids are out for the night and won't be back for hours. I go up to the bedroom, hiding the two wine glasses behind my back, put on some Michael Buble' (great music) and light a candle. I take her hand and ask her for this dance. We sip our wine, gaze into each others eyes as we snuggle and dance.

By now I'm about as turned on as it gets. No response... Finally she says,"I'm gonna get ready for bed." "OK now!", I'm thinking. I'm totally in love with this woman, she is 50 yrs old and still beautiful to me in every way. We had some kind of great day. I've been wooing this woman with about 16 hours heartfelt foreplay...and now she's getting ready for bed!

She suggles in close and we pray together. (Something we do every night) And then...there it is!! "Goodnight", she says. "Thank you for the wonderful day." After I get past dying for a while, I gently ask her if she might want to... "Oh", she says. "I didn't know you were wanting to."

Ok ladies, help me out here, please! I can never get this woman to want to. When we finally do, she may reach a climax 4 or 5 times, so it's not that the physical part is no good. I really love all the romance. It's not something I have to force my self to do. She just never, ever thinks about it unless I outright ask, and is amazed howI could think about it so much. Im not wanting servicing, I'm looking for the passion, and intimacy with this lady who holds my heart.

Have I missed the boat entirely?

Most cultures teach that women should be reserved sexually and it is unacceptable for her to show too much sexual interest. This results in these women not desiring sex as much since they feel bad or ashamed and do not explore their own sexuality as much.

Not desiring sex as much just because you don't show interest? I don't "show interest" because I don't want to necessarily give the impression that I want it with that person. I can be attracted to someone and might want to have sex with them but I know its in my and everyones best interests if I don't. Sure as hell hasn't made me desire it any less!

I notice a big difference both culturally and generationally. Women who are taught that sex is okay and acceptable and normal, want sex as much if not more than women who were taught sex was bad or a sin or sex is something only what men (should) want. Most cultures teach that women should be reserved sexually and it is unacceptable for her to show too much sexual interest. This results in these women not desiring sex as much since they feel bad or ashamed and do not explore their own sexuality as much. Think about it. How many people do you know have used the term "naughty" when referring to sex. The culture has taught us that. Women who either rebel against that, or who were never taught that to begin with want sex as much if not more than men.

And then there is also the physical differences as well. It is easier to figure out how to make a man orgasm than it is to figure out how to make a woman orgasm. A woman who has never had orgasms or who rarely does with her partner is going to want sex a whole lot less than a woman who has discovered how to have mind blowing orgasms. You give a woman mind-blowing sex, and they are going to be wanting more as often as possible. If you just please yourself and then roll over and sleep, they are not going to be as interested.

I have to agree with 's post saying "In couples situations, women's interest in sex is DIRECTLY related to their partner's interest in them. That is, once in a couple situation, a relationship that goes beyond sex for physical gratification, a woman will not feel inclined to be physically intimate if the emotional and mental and spiritual intimacy is not there and healthy. If the relationship is doing well on all other fronts, no woman alive will lose her interest in being physically intimate with the man who's nurturing her soul."

I think that there are many variables to a woman's and man's sex drive, and think that they are both capable of having a high sex drive. Culture, personal image & self esteem, and personal experiences in that area are what modifies that drive.

double post

triple post

Helen Fisher, study of the se xes said "men need 3 minutes of foreplay, women need 24 hours.*" Plus she went on to say the women needed to be comfortable temperature wise.
If women liked s ex as much as men, there would be 100 billion humans on Planet Earth. Men keep saying "please, please please" while women keep saying "No, no no "and "all he wants is s ex."

*if a woman is mad at a man 24 hours prior, she doesn't want to become intimate with him.