How Do You Deal With Dishonesty in a Relationship?

I can only quote my ex's tag line from match "honesty & respect are the key to a healthy relationship". Makes you wonder why he spent the kids' college fund in hostess bars.

Jazmintte: Short answer....I don't deal with dishonesty in the relationship. Honesty is the thing I value the most...without it, there is no relationship.

Exactly that ^^. I have learned too late in the past that someone I was in a relationship with was a habitual liar, from "little" stuff to really serious issues, and that it wasn't likely to ever change.

But even when I see/hear evidence of "little white lies" anymore - on dating profiles or offline life - that's all I need to know. I don't care if it's "just a couple of years" off in age or a couple inches in height or saying a particular restaurant is fine, only to find out later that was the last place they wanted to go.

Even where there is no malicious intent or serious character flaws, I see it as an "convenient" way to worm one's way out of awkward/uncomfortable discussions or situations that indicates a lack of mature coping and communication skills, or a way to get what they want when they don't feel they can get it honestly.

Whatever the excuse, the bottom line for me is that there is only one direction for a relationship with a dishonest person to go, and I deserve better.

"TRUTHFULNESS IS THE FOUNDATION OF ALL HUMAN VIRTUES".

outlaw1: The photograph is biased; the man's body language says "oh crud I messed up." Now look at the woman's body language.

Another article where men are immediatly considered wrong. Yet as comedian George Carlin noted "women ask men to be honest and then they were make-up."

Another comedian, Chris Rock said "women wear heels, they aren't that tall. Fake nails, hair color, everything about women is a lie." The audience went wild.

Why do so MANY EH profiles (women) ask men to be honest when they do the above? :-O

I don't agree that men should lie to women or vice versa. But why are men always painted as the liar?

How is make up, dying hair and fake nails lies? When a fifty year old has no grey hair or a woman has platinum blonde hair with dark roots and eyeliner and lipstick on, she's not trying to pretend she naturally looks that way and won't deny they're makeup and fake nails. Apples and oranges comparison. How are those openly done up features she's not hiding or lying to pretend are natural the same as a man pretending he's going to bed early only to drive to his mistress's house to sleep with her. Men lie and try to divert the attention to some eyeshadow and press on nails? Doesn't make sense to me.

jayjay: People want honesty when it suits them...not necessarily all the time. Also, I think the times when people lie are oftentimes when they really want to do something....but just don't want the negative consequences that come with that action. It's easy for people to say they 'want honesty'...but it's a bit different when there's something you'd really like to get away with. :eek:

come baaaaackkkkk jayjay.... come baaaaaack

assuming that talking does work... I mean, don't liers usually lie both in action and words?

delicaterose: I have just left my partner of 3 years for the FINAL time becuase of his chronic lying and deciet. Even when confronted with the cold hard facts about his lying he could still look me in the eye and lie. I've realized that by forgiving and trying to move past his lies and the distrust it was not doing him, me or the relationship any justice. I suspect that he has been like this all his life and his previous 3 marriages ended because of his deciet and lies. The only consulation for me is that he will end up a lonely old man because of it.:D

Sound like you you met one too. well i had one of them too and the sad thing was they would say the {iloveu },still looking you in the eye?Even after given all the hard cold fact.. then the next line was that i was crazy to think that or even believe any of the hard cold facts..WTF!!! I have admit he had me question more then ever my self.until i just say it not me it you,this was after someone pointed out few thing about me and not settleing for less just to say you have some one.but you are not happy,what wake up !!! but i have to thank him cause it was a lesson that i learn from just like all the other from my past long term relationship even down to dating ones..And the good thing is I let it go find whom ever it want to prey on next , I had all i could bare..but the drama was out of my life and i just been more on guard as to men now trusting them is some thing they just do not get up front,an i know all men do not white lie or untell the truth ,or tell half of the truth. And this all it took so it something they have to earn from me.:)

skitermon: ??????

well, the article uses being late for an example. my boyfriend is chronically late. i don't ask him to explain himself like this would be some magic cure. i've observed him and he simply can't judge time. he just has to know to call to say he's going to be late and that the door will not open for him if it's more than an hour or he doesn't call.

lil_lamb: i don't ask questions requiring lies. i expect folks to do what honest people of integrity do - provide safeguards.

??????

i don't ask questions requiring lies. i expect folks to do what honest people of integrity do - provide safeguards.