How I Fell For Mr. Not-Quite Right

By Rori Raye, author of best-selling eBook, Have The Relationship You Want, and free newsletter


How I Fell For Mr. Not-Quite Right

If the guys who normally make your heart go pitter-patter inevitably also fill it with pain, you’re not alone.  Read on to find out how Rori Raye found the man of her dreams the way she least expected to...and how you too can pave the way for secure, lasting love. 

What if your Mr. Right looks nothing like what you imagined?  What if all it takes is a simple shift to find him?  I went through a string of broken, painful relationships before I married my husband of 20+ years.  But I could never have met him – and made it work – if I hadn’t made some important changes first.  Let me tell you my story and show you how you can find lasting love, too:

TAKING OFF MY CHEMISTRY-COLORED GLASSES

Before I met my husband, I would let the initial chemistry I felt with a man blind me to his red flags. I would accept bad behavior and stay in half-relationships far too long. I forced myself to work hard for men who weren’t good to me, settling for meager crumbs rather than demanding the whole meal.

But real chemistry develops over time – after getting to know a man, feeling safe with him, and sharing real intimacy.  To develop real chemistry and lasting intimacy with a man, I had to think differently about who I choose to date. I realized that I was going to keep repeating the same old patterns if I kept choosing the same kinds of men.

So I forced myself to choose differently.  I took off my chemistry-colored glasses and opened myself up to different kinds of men, which is when I met my husband...

WHAT MY HUSBAND ACTUALLY LOOKED LIKE

My husband wasn’t my type – not even close.  When I met him, I didn’t consider him a real prospect.  He just didn’t “look” like what I had always imagined my husband would be.  I wasn’t particularly attracted to him.  He was the nice guy.  But because I’d taken off my chemistry-colored glasses, I gave him a chance.

Surprisingly, he treated me better than any of the other men of my past. He courted me, wooed me, and showered me with affection. This is when I started “seeing” my husband differently. Unlike other men who I had to chase and cajole for affection and kindness, he really liked me.

LEARNING HOW TO RECEIVE LOVE

Because I had been constantly settling for the wrong man and working hard for love, I didn’t know how to handle my husband’s devotion and kindness. I had been so used to being the giver that his attention felt uncomfortable to me. But his patience and kindness showed me how wonderful it is to RECEIVE love, not just give it. And that I was selling myself short by working so hard for crumbs in my past. I learned I could trust in his feelings and kindness. I learned to feel safe with him.  And before I knew it, I was completely in love with a man who loved me right back.  That’s when I knew I had my Mr. Right.

I urge you to widen your focus when it comes to the men you choose. Chemistry is a very misleading emotion. If a man shows interest in you but you’d normally reject him because he doesn’t initially give you butterflies in your stomach, do something different.  Talk with him, go out with him.  I’m willing to bet you’ll surprise yourself the way I did.

 

_______________________________________________________________________

To learn, step by step, how to naturally attract your Mr. Right so that you feel loved and secure, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. She’ll teach you her signature Tools for boosting your self-esteem and dating in a way that will help you finally have the relationship you’ve always wanted – faster than you ever thought possible.

 

 

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8 Comments View this thread in our community


Anonymous

April 28,2012 at 11:13 pm

To all the girls that like to get their fare share of abuse by bad guys before they settle for a decent guy.

Just don't tell the decent guy about it. He doesn't want to be reminded of how big of an idiot decided to be.

maffif

October 2,2011 at 11:38 am

Too true MicMan. I think all of us could take heed to this advice. It is so easy to get caught up in the superficial and not be willing to give someone a chance because we are not feeling those butterflies.

It would make online dating a lot easier!

MicMan

October 2,2011 at 10:44 am

I urge you to widen your focus when it comes to the men you choose. Chemistry is a very misleading emotion. If a man shows interest in you but you’d normally reject him because he doesn’t initially give you butterflies in your stomach, do something different. Talk with him, go out with him. I’m willing to bet you’ll surprise yourself the way I did.

Good advice that would easily apply to men. Too bad it will probably fall on a lot of deaf ears.

MicMan

October 2,2011 at 10:44 am

I urge you to widen your focus when it comes to the men you choose. Chemistry is a very misleading emotion. If a man shows interest in you but you’d normally reject him because he doesn’t initially give you butterflies in your stomach, do something different. Talk with him, go out with him. I’m willing to bet you’ll surprise yourself the way I did.

Good advice that would easily apply to men. Too bad it will probably fall on a lot of deaf ears.

j0hn8andy

October 2,2011 at 09:57 am

Before I met my husband, I would let the initial chemistry I felt with a man blind me to his red flags. I would accept bad behavior and stay in half-relationships far too long. I forced myself to work hard for men who weren’t good to me, settling for meager crumbs rather than demanding the whole meal.

But real chemistry develops over time – after getting to know a man, feeling safe with him, and sharing real intimacy. To develop real chemistry and lasting intimacy with a man, I had to think differently about who I choose to date. I realized that I was going to keep repeating the same old patterns if I kept choosing the same kinds of men.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Where I disagree is with the issue of "chemistry"...which I define as sexual attraction.

I have never let it "blind" me to "red flags"...and I certainly never settled for "meager crumbs".

I actually think it's a clue when you have to work so hard; loving a person should be the easiest thing in the world...so easy, you can't/won't stop/help yourself if you tried...which you don't.

I have never had "chemistry" (sexual attraction) develop "over time" when it wasn't there to begin with...right from the get-go. For somebody like me...a good judge of character with no "history" of accepting "bad behavior" and "half relationships"...

I will not waste either my time or that of a man...waiting for that "chemistry" to "develop over time".:eek:

But that's just me, of course.;)

j8a
:)

j0hn8andy

October 2,2011 at 09:48 am

j8a
:)

LuvsGoldens

October 2,2011 at 09:17 am

The article has valid points. From my prospective, as the relationship grows, each person reveals aspects of their personality and it is a cumulation of these traits that provide me with tools to realize if the person is truly interested in me and the moral fiber of the individual.

Gr8Guyn2008

October 2,2011 at 06:45 am

I totally agree with this article.  However, it is not gender specific and it did not go far enough.

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