What A Man Needs To Feel With You
In order for a man to feel like he wants to get to know you better and eventually have a committed relationship with you, you need to build something first...
You need to build a solid foundation of POSITIVE EXPERIENCE that makes him practically unable to imagine life without you. When you do this, you’ll finally be able to have a loving, lasting, committed relationship with a man...without having to worry about him pulling away or resisting your love.
Right from the early stages of dating, there are ways to tip the balance so that your general experience together is positive. Here’s how.
HAVING CONTROL OVER YOUR EMOTIONS
Your emotions and how you communicate them have tremendous power. They have the power to instantly reconnect you and a man, and they have the power to push him away in no time flat.
If you want to have a conscious relationship and you want to enjoy the incredible feeling that comes from being able to stay close and connected with the man in your life – even during the tough times or bumps in the road – then you must learn how to "own" your emotions in situations with men, and communicate them in a way that uses their power to benefit you and your relationship...not break it apart.
When you don’t take the time to process emotions and put them into perspective, then the feelings you share have a very different effect on your man than you’d like. I’m talking about what happens when you lose your center and let your fears and emotions take over about something that simply isn’t going to be a big deal to you two hours later. So, take some time to let your emotions settle BEFORE you express them to a man. If the issue is still bothering you, you’ll get far better results by expressing it in a calm manner...and he’ll perceive your overall experience as a positive one.
IMAGINING THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME
Most of us (men and women) use our minds to imagine the worst possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations.
Think about those situations when a man doesn't call you back when you think he should. If you immediately start to wonder where he is, what he's doing, and who he's with, you
create negative emotions. You make up pictures in your mind of him out with other women, doing fun things without you, etc., and it's really upsetting. This inevitably creates negative tension and distance between the two of you.
Instead, start doing yourself a favor:
1) Visualize your ideal outcome
2) Make positive meaning out of the experience for yourself
If he doesn't call you back right away, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let him go), and make it mean that when he finally does talk to you, he's going to be even more interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other.
If he tells you he's not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, you can freak out and put more distance between the two of you. Or you can choose to look at it this way: that he really likes you and has had to think about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong. When you spin things positively, something incredible happens: you will feel a levity that is far from the pain you’d normally feel in a situation like this, and in turn this makes you much more attractive – if not to him, than to a man who will really be able to commit to you.
When you continuously strive to adopt a positive mindset and create fun, positive experiences in a relationship, then the man will start to see you as a positive aspect of his life...and pretty soon he’ll see you as a necessary part of his life, too. Here’s the thing: a man doesn’t usually walk around thinking, “Gee, I really want to be in a committed relationship with one woman for the rest of my life.” What happens is this: he meets the woman who makes him feel so good; he can’t imagine his life without her.
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If you want to know how to share your feelings with a man – even the difficult ones – in a way that will really make him want to listen and will make him feel even deeper attraction for you, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. You’ll learn how to make the most of the ultimate training ground for achieving this attractive positive mindset: your relationship with a man...so that you become the one woman your Mr. Right can’t be without.
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16 Comments View this thread in our community
jimmie_lee
March 19,2011 at 09:05 amI just had to comment on the following line from the article: Here’s the thing: a man doesn’t usually walk around thinking, “Gee, I really want to be in a committed relationship with one woman for the rest of my life.” We always hear the clichés of men never wanting to be in a committed relationship with one woman for life. Being a guy I take offense with that. It almost makes us seem like Neanderthals that only care about going from one woman to another getting as much sex as possible along the way. I’m sure I’m not the only guy that wants a committed relationship with one woman. I’ve read much of Christian’s writings and concede there is validity to some of what he writes. Being in Psychology I know much on this topic. I just don’t like the way the media often makes it appear as though there are so many desperate women out there and they have to resort to whatever tactics they can to rope in and “catch” a man. I used to believe that. Because of that I never made it a priority to find that special someone and start a family. Since I started seriously searching, I realized it’s just not as easy as I thought it would be. The bottom line is that there are more available men out there than woman. Statistics prove this.
Nanette
March 19,2011 at 08:15 amThink about those situations when a man doesn't call you back when you think he should. If you immediately start to wonder where he is, what he's doing, and who he's with, you
create negative emotions. You make up pictures in your mind of him out with other women, doing fun things without you, etc., and it's really upsetting. This inevitably creates negative tension and distance between the two of you.
Instead, start doing yourself a favor:
1) Visualize your ideal outcome
2) Make positive meaning out of the experience for yourself
i like this article but i dont think this is necessary. make a positive meaning? visualize your ideal outcome? why not just see it for what it is. he didnt call for whatever reason. i dont think there is any reason to make up ideas why he didnt call. he just. didnt. call. get busy with your own life instead of being so centered on him!
edoctech
March 14,2011 at 12:31 amA great article. I have received nothing but positive feedback when I understand that as anxious as I am, the other party is filled with anticipation and as much anxiety as well. There are conflicting emotions and each individual handles their hours of reflection in a different way, so I personally do not get emotionally crazy. The individual is taking time to make the right decision and I would be mindful of this as a positive attribute, since I would not want to be involved with someone who acts before thinking. How's that for a positive spin to a date who does not call back immediately.
gwenwyn
March 11,2011 at 09:45 pmI think it can be especially conducive to relationships to be positive because it gives your partner the feeling that they make you happy. Its wonderful to feel you have a positive imact on someone elses life!
However, if you are prone to emotional volatility (i.e. high neuroticism like me) its not the end of the world. Leaving when you get too emotional, or making it very clear that your emotions are not the 'fault' of your partner does some good - but it does require a more understanding love than otherwise :-/
browneyes12345
March 11,2011 at 06:56 pmI agree with this article.but i seem to have a problem with Kissing on a first date and making out...If the both of us feel it and want to makeout than whats the big deal.Im not saying going to bed on this first date or even dates later, but i just dont think it would hender the start of the relationship. it the call you great if they dont move on is my theory..It just sounds like everyone is acting like goody two shoes on some of these sites...
ecard
March 10,2011 at 11:03 pmI totally agree on keeping the positive mindset perspective. It is so amazing how our own negative thinking can ruin everything. We can't always change the situation or issue but we can definitely change our reaction to it.
scully98
March 7,2011 at 05:05 pmgreat article. I totally agree with it. especially the part about giving yourself a chance to cool off and think things through before getting all emotional over something that, two hours later, might mean nothing. much better to wait and see how you feel when emotions aren't so high. nobody wants to date a drama queen.
and I say that as a reformed drama queen. years ago, I used to get upset and let my guy know it immediately. but with maturity comes a bit of wisdom, thank goodness. now, if I feel upset over something, I keep it to myself and wait and see how I feel later before bringing it up. luckily, it's always worked. a few hours later and I am totally okay with whatever originally had me upset. better to work out things in your own head before bringing other people into it, in case it's nothing. as is often the case.
NFL_Lynne
March 7,2011 at 03:56 pmLike this article and am too new to be familiar with the Author...
LDJ
March 7,2011 at 03:44 pmWelcome to the boards Jan2go.
I hope you won't be hard on yourself for not wanting to kiss a guy on the first date. I am not confortable kissing a stranger and even when I really like a guy, he is a stranger on the first date. It was decent of him to ask, and you have every right to warmly decline. IF he's a good match, this won't be an issue.
jan2go
March 7,2011 at 01:52 pmI think past relationships color how you feel the next one will be. I was married 32 years, both totally in love still. Then 2 years ago he died. I keep thinking the next relationship will be great. I have to keep reminding myself of the realities of getting to know another person. Makes me wary with myself that I won't be looking at truth. I had my first date the other day. Boy, do I need practice! He asked if he could kiss me and I couldn't do it. Nearly freaked. But then, it was the first date and my first date Ever, since being married. Don't know if he'll want to go out again, but hey, now I know what my reactions to pushed closeness will be. Hmmm....
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