Three Critical Steps to Finding Your Dream Woman
When it comes to finding their “dream woman,” what men think they want and what will actually make them happy are two different things entirely. In this article, David D. reveals three critical steps every man must take to find happiness with a woman
No two ways about it: ask the average guy what he’s looking for in his “dream woman,” and -- if he’s being brutally honest -- he’ll put “physical beauty” at the top the list.
But here’s the thing...we all know deep down that extreme “physical beauty” is one quality that -- at best -- has nothing to do with the success of an exciting, fulfilling, long-term relationship. And, at worst, it often contributes to its failure. We don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out why! Sure, “hotness” works to get a man interested in a woman in the first place...even to keep him interested for a while. But the stats don’t lie: years down the road, relationships based on physical attraction do not stand the test of time.
What should a man look for when it comes to finding his “perfect match” for the long term -- also known as his true “dream woman?” Here are three key steps to finding and keeping her:
STEP #1: SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE
Look, for a man, escaping his narrow, hard-wired thinking about the qualities his ultimate “dream woman” should possess is his greatest obstacle to ever finding her. His success in meeting his dream woman -- and keeping her for the long term -- actually lies in seeing a much larger picture. In more specific terms, every man should envision the kind of woman who can help him achieve (and share) his “dream” life...the life that he’s always imagined for himself. This means choosing a woman equipped with the qualities necessary to love and support him in achieving those dreams, no matter what they may be.
Which leads us directly to:
STEP #2: DEFINE WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE
This one’s as simple as it sounds...before you start living your dreams, first you need to know what they are. So get to work...as in right now...clarifying your personal “vision” of an exciting, happy, fulfilling life. Once you do, guess what? The qualities that your “dream woman” must possess to share and help you achieve those dreams will become immediately obvious. So go figure yourself out. Are you an outgoing world-traveler with dreams of sailing the world? Or an introverted screenwriter hell-bent to winning an Oscar for best screenplay?
Nail it down in no uncertain terms, because it ain’t rocket science -- until you know yourself and what you want, there’s no way to find a woman who’ll love you in amazing, life-changing ways for who you are.
#3: “MATCH UP” WITH YOUR DREAM WOMAN
It’s amazing how many guys kvetch and complain about cold, unsupportive, selfish women in their lives, right? And it’s all because these guys overlook the obvious when it comes to “matching up” with their true “dream woman” in the first place. In other words, if you’re that outgoing world-traveler with dreams of sailing the world, you must take action to match up with a woman with a genuine sense of spontaneity, a passion for nature, a fearless love of adventure...you name it.
If you’re that introverted writer looking for an Oscar one day, then arrange your life so that you cross paths with women who have a deep appreciation for thoughtful communication, an unwavering support through failure and an intelligent compassion.
Bottom line: When it comes to finding your “dream woman”, first you must honestly, unflinchingly envision the future you really want for yourself. Only then can you go after the tangible qualities in the kind of woman who can help you achieve that future. Otherwise, sure, a “hot” woman may rock your world for a date or two. But long-term love is sure to fail...until you take steps to help the true woman of your dreams find you.
------------------
Acclaimed author David DeAngelo cracked the "secret code" as to why some men are naturally, effortlessly successful with women... while most endure painful frustration and failure. David shares his most powerful tips and tools for how ANY man can find his “Dream Woman” in his FREE “Dating Secrets newsletter.” Subscribe to it here.
Looking for a Great Relationship?
Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.
RSS
20 Comments View this thread in our community
Richard Hertz
April 13,2012 at 04:22 pmLove is a priviledge for the rich and the beautiful. I'd rather be single than deal with this.
Jeremy Stark
February 28,2012 at 03:17 amNice article, I do believe that love is just around the corner and it won't get you, you must find ways to find it.
Jeremy Stark
February 28,2012 at 03:16 amNice article, i do believe that love is just around the corner, it won't get you but you should fine a way to find it.
Jeremy Stark
February 28,2012 at 03:14 amNice article, i do believe that love is just around the corner and it would get you, you must find it.
Anonymous
February 12,2012 at 12:24 pmDear Divorced Men Out There on The First Date,
I actually think you are a good match...on paper. You're intelligent, funny, bright, and active. You like the things I do. You and I seemed compatible, on paper.
Why I have I gone out on seven dates in a row with someone just like you and found...nothing but first-date habituals. You are the guys who say you are searching for a woman, for a girl friend, but none of the women seem to have any "energy" for you? Well, guess what. It's you. Not them. May I give you some practical advice?
Ask her out
If her profile looks good, and you have shown mutual interest, ask her out. Don’t chat and chat wait for her ask you. Ask her out, early but not too early. If she sends you a personal note, she’s ready. Women chose the men, but they want to feel attracted to and sought after by you.
Give some eye contact.
She wants to know that you are listening, that you are looking into her soul, that you notice her. This is not an intense gaze, just a causal gaze. If you need a spot, look at her forehead or her mouth. But look at her like you want to get to know her.
Speak of your ex wife or ex relationships in respectful and caring tones.
Your ex is the mother of your children, a woman, someone you exchanged vows with, a person you loved. Show that you have a capacity for unending, unconditional love, even if you are not in a relationship with her anymore. Never bash her, complain about her or show pleasure in her pain. She should be respected forever.
State your values.
Women like strong men. They like to know that you stand for things you feel are important. It could be family values, or business values or something else. It does not matter really, even if she disagrees with your values, she needs to know that you have a strong sense of right and wrong, things that you will uphold and fight for.
Be a gentleman
Let her order first, open doors for her, let her walk ahead, help her off and on with her coat, hand her things she needs, etc.
Cater to her needs
Ask if she is comfortable; ask what she wants to eat. Ask is she’s warm enough. Ask is she likes her food, if she’s tired when she yawns, full if she picks at her food, still hungry if she finishes what’s on her plate. A man who caters to a woman’s needs in public sends signals that he will cater to her needs in private. Know what I mean?
Pick up the check
I know, I know this sounds sexist, but this is how a man shows a woman that he cares, that he is a stand-up guy, that he has strong values of right and wrong. It is how he shows that she is worth something. It balances out. A woman will spend money on you too, in different ways. She may have dropped $200 bucks on a new outfit for your date, or to get her hair done. She will do that to impress you, flatter you, make YOU look good in her company. If constant dinner dating is getting too expensive, pick something cheaper: coffee, ice-cream, a walk at the beach. But make it your date, and pay.
Ask her how she FEELS about a subject
She may be quiet, or she may be a chatterbox, or anything in between, but it is likely that she is telling you stories, or facts, or something she does. What she really wants is to share how she feels on a subject, and she wants you to ask her about that. For instance, If she mentions that her kid is applying to college, you might ask “wow, how do you feel about your kid going off to college next year?”
Ask about her kids
They are what define her.
Compliment something she is wearing or her grooming
As stated above, she has taken care in her outfit, her grooming, her choice of shoes, her choice of coat, her choice of hair style. She does that to impress you, so act like you notice.
Walk her to her car
That is what a gentleman does.
Tell her that you enjoyed her company
She just spent two hours of her life with you. Even if you are not intending to ask her out again, you show her that you value her time, her effort and her energy. If the fit isnt right, but she thinks you're great, she has a single friend, I promise. Treat her right and she will "recommend" you even if the fit isn't right. She'll invite you to her parties, she'll talk about you at work.
Dude. It's a job interview.
echo foxtrot
March 13,2012 at 10:49 am"job interview"??? Why do you subscribe to the belief that the woman calls the shots? I guess that's the eh way....keep both sexes anxious about each other....keeps the money rolling in. I don't go for matrixes, least of all that one.
Anonymous
February 11,2012 at 04:28 pmI dont know if im taking this up the wrong way but this artical kind of suggests that when hes looking for a partner its not from an equal standpoint, he should be looking for a person with strong maternal inclanations that will support him in his dream of life.
Partnerships do rely on that kind of nuturing aspect, but the only point where the women is mentioned as a person and not a prized object is to not judge on looks.
Im young, still do not have a clue what i want out of life, but this kind of advice gets to me because being somewhat impressionable it makes me second guess what i want, should i be putting a potential partners needs ahead of my own if i am career driven does that make my role cold and selfish?
leaves alot more questions than answers...if this is how men think about getting potential longterm relationship things, this article is telling them to look for a second mother.
Anonymous
April 13,2012 at 07:33 pmBefore you can be serious about a relationship you need to get your life started, if your young and just starting your career you should keep dating until you come to a point in your life where you are established in your career, bought your house/condo/car/truck/boat/camper/vacation home/etc., traveled, and done the things you want to do. Once all those things are done, then you can start to look for a life partner!
Men and women are equals but they are not able to do everything as well as the opposite gender. For example few females are as physically stong as men, and most men have the emotional intelligence of a four year old! So this being said, I believe that god designed us to support each other. This artical was written for men, from a man's perspective.
Resilience
February 10,2012 at 09:09 pmGentlemen, most if not all your comments are right on point. I've read countless profiles on eH where women boldly state their physical wish list. I can't close the match fast enough. We all have read countless articles relating to the types of pictures we should be posting, and the statistics of not. The whole physical beauty issue, it really comes as no surprise we're talking about it. I mean, we live in the United States, a western culture that promotes, and even rewards physical beauty.
There's no way around it, looks do factor in to part of the equation - ITS WHY MOST OF US POST PICTURES. Hopefully most men out there do know that there is nothing sexier about a woman than her mind.
Davin
February 9,2012 at 04:42 pmThis might be good advice on PoF, but we are on eHarmony here.. people who subscribe on this site aren't beginners at defining what they want. They're just short on options in that defined area. So, thanks - but we'll need a bit more advanced advice than this.
Post new comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *