Seeking Women Who are Right for You
Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll make but the path to finding that person isn’t always as straightforward as you’d hope. If you seem to constantly gravitate toward the wrong relationship choice it’s time to take charge of your romantic life by seeking women who are right for you.
When seeking women, set a goal.
Relationships are hard work. Put your commitment to find someone into action and set a goal for the relationship you want to have and the type of woman you are seeking. Just like in other facets of your life, setting goals sets a commitment and gives you direction. Forget about intermittently dating to pass the time, set a purpose to date women who you could see potentially having a committed relationship with.
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When seeking women, spend time self-examining.
Honestly assess yourself—are you radiating the same attributes that you are seeking in a woman? For example, you can’t expect to find a happy, secure and confident catch if you don’t think of yourself the same way. Forget the artificial, sure looks are what initially attract you to a potential mate, and there has to be some level of attraction in a relationship, but if you’re seeking a woman who is right for you in the long term, reach outside of your old paradigm and look at the total package.
Don’t let it be Groundhog Day forever.
Identify patterns from your previous relationships that didn’t work and actually correct them by steering clear of people who exhibit them. Recognize the personality traits that you are drawn to and decide if those are healthy or unhealthy matches for you. Take a look at the pace of your past relationships and how they advanced; do you jump in to fast or do you wait by the sidelines and miss the opportunity?
Listen.
If you’re seeking a woman who is right for you, a simple way to find out if you have a potential match is to simply listen. Just listening to a woman on the first few dates when you are getting to know each other can tell you a lot about the other person. Be engaged in the conversation and ask for more details. The beginning of a relationship is the time to find out if she’s the right woman for you and if it makes sense to continue to date and take the relationship to the next level.
Seeking Women: Is she right for you long term?
Finding someone you can have a good time with can meet the need for instant gratification that you may crave, but if you want to find someone you can have long term happiness with it’s important to know yourself and what your goals for the future are. Compare those goals to your potential partners because having the same life priorities is key if you want a deep and lasting connection. Don’t manufacture chemistry that just isn’t there. If she’s not the right one for you, it’s time to move on and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone else who truly is your perfect fit. Remember that attaching yourself to someone isn’t going to make you instantly complete. Continuing to date someone you don’t see a future with will lead to inevitable disappointment for the both of you.
What do you do once you’ve found her?
Once you’ve found relationship success, keep communicating, make your intentions for the future known and always keep mutual respect for one another the foundation on which to grow.
What is the top reason men said they chose their wives? Find out the surprising answer!
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16 Comments View this thread in our community
cherikee
January 8,2011 at 01:02 amFor me, the only void in my life is not having a partner. So when I am looking for a partner, I am technically filling a void in my life.
jussmile
August 25,2010 at 10:28 amI thought the article was interesting, and believe that if you continue to run into the same pitfalls with every relationship, you need to re-examine... you... what you want, who you are, what you're looking for, and make sure they all align. That includes being comfortable and happy with who you are regardless of whether you are with someone. That other person should compliment your own happiness.
The one thing that stood out for me in the article though, was about the long-term goals, and making sure from the beginning that they are aligned. Does this mean, that if a guy doesn't know whether he wants to be married again, and a woman knows that she does want to be married again, that they are not aligned on the same goals and this woman is "not right" for him?
Exstasis7
August 24,2010 at 11:28 pmI generally agree with everything said here, however it bothers me that eHarmony continues to downplay physical attraction. I'm all for the deeper elements and they MUST be there- the wisdom and maturity, the faith. But let me say this right now: If I don't like your face, then I will not date you. Maybe for some guys it's something else, but for me, the face is so key. I can't be with someone whose face I look at all the time (and kiss!) but dislike. I don't care if the rest of your "total package" be it physical or otherwise is awesome or not. No one should be "desperate" or "holy" enough to settle for someone who isn't attractive to them. If you do settle, you will regret it.
Andrew86
December 7,2009 at 09:30 pmAnybody who finds their soul mate on the first try has to be the luckiest person alive. There will always be couldas, wouldas, and shouldas, but eventually everybody finds somebody. It just takes effort, patience, and hard work but it will come. Just do not be discouraged by the fails, and always think of those as life lessons.
roguewolf1
December 7,2009 at 02:41 pmI wouldn't date the chick in the picture. Materialistic and too demanding. It's all in the eyes and body language.
waltercl
April 20,2009 at 10:23 pmI definitely agree that we have to have a feeling of confidence and completeness in where we are at before we can be ready for a relationship with someone else. Yet we also have to be open to the possibilities that life would be even better if we met someone who could add to what we already have. As I've said before in similar ways this can be a tricky tightrope to maneuver, but it's a balance that I believe we need to try and maintain.
As a Christian I also try to remind myself that things will happen when they are suppose to happen. That doesn't mean that I don't look or do my part, but it does mean that I can relax and not be constantly concerned that the right person has somehow passed me by. I do get the feeling though that many of us will look back several years from now when we are at that time in a serious relationshp and think to ourselves, "man we sure did obsess about a lot of stuff when we were single didn't we."
Ingytravel
April 20,2009 at 07:24 pmTee heeThanks Lucky:)
lucky173
April 20,2009 at 07:11 pmIngy... you're just giddy. Period. Great posts though!
Ingytravel
April 20,2009 at 06:46 pmOh..I didn't mean for my post to say that we shouldn't want or enjoy companionship..I absolutely do and that's why I joined EH after spending 3 years alone after my divorce...
So I apologize for not stating that...I just meant that in reference to the article here, we shouldn't put so much pressure on another person to MAKE us happy...or 'expect' that person to be EVERYTHING to us...
I REALLY look forward to meeting someone special and hopefully getting married again some day...To laugh, talk, and share all the wonderful things in life with someone I love, respect, and care for:) Believe me, I am giddy with the excitement of possibilites
jayjay
April 20,2009 at 06:44 pmWhat you say seems to echo what a number of others have written about fulfilling oneself and not seeking a mate to fill a void in their life. I don't think there's anything to criticize you about for stating that you fill this void with God, while others say they fill it in other ways.
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