First Dates: Three Things You Should Never Reveal!
If you ask a professional spy what he’s up to or where he’s headed, his half-joking reply might be: “If I tell you that, I’ll either have to kill you or take you with me.”
That’s because he knows information is powerful stuff, often the difference between mission success and failure. During World War II, that fact was driven home on public posters and pamphlets that proclaimed, “Loose lips sink ships.”
What’s that got to do with dating and romance, you might wonder?
Well, when it comes to divulging sensitive personal information too freely, some people could sink a whole armada. That is never truer than when we begin a new romantic relationship. In our eagerness to be open and honest, we may rush to bare our souls, while expecting potential partners to do the same. It is true that most people do not possess high-stakes, life-or-death secrets. But there is plenty about who we are and what we’ve experienced that should be ladled out judiciously rather than dumped out hastily.
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At what point should a dating partner know intimate things about you? That’s a judgment call we each have to make, depending upon the comfort level and sense of trust as a relationship unfolds. Obviously, by the time you are ready to make a binding commitment to each other, there should not be huge secrets left under wraps. But early on, there is rarely a compelling reason to stretch your vulnerability to the point of uneasiness. After all, there is no guarantee this person will become a permanent part of your life. Why reveal things you may later regret sharing?
Here are three types of information you should feel in no rush to discuss too readily:
Your deepest, darkest secrets.
Everyone has something lurking in their past they are not proud of, ranging from merely embarrassing to possibly incriminating. It is tempting, in the first euphoric weeks of dating, to play relationship “Truth or Dare,” to demonstrate your seriousness or transparency. It is advisable to save those incendiary revelations for safer times down the road when you know each other better.
Your romantic history.
Eventually, you both could have a legitimate claim to details like why past relationships ended or if you’ve been engaged before. But until you are ready to move the relationship toward greater exclusivity and commitment, beware of the potential for misunderstanding and other unintended consequences if you reveal too much.
Your money matters.
Many people in our society draw conclusions about others based on their income, investments, family wealth (or poverty), and so on. You want to be evaluated on who you are—your personality, beliefs, ambitions—not your income-generating potential. Sometime later, when your relationship is further along, you and your partner will likely talk openly about finances. But in the early stages, use discretion.
The point here is not to be secretive or evasive with those you are dating—indeed, authenticity is a highly attractive quality. But there is a proper time to disclose sensitive information about yourself. Pacing is important: as a relationship grows and develops so can your degree of openness. By the time you are ready to marry, your life can and should be an open book, to be read by the person you love and trust most.
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Anonymous
November 13,2011 at 06:20 pmI was recently complimented on a first date regarding my request that I pay my own way. He said he was "impressed" by it.
I NEVER expect a man to pay my way - first date or 100th date. My income is small, but I'm not sexist, and I do require a non-sexist mate. A woman expecting a man to pay her way is extremely sexist, shameful behavior, in my opinion. Politically, it holds back progress on the whole issue of sexual equality. And on a personal level it places me (the female) in a subservient position in that I "owe" due to his placing the first ante via paying my way. If a woman starts out a relationship in a sexist role, then she can expect to be treated so through the entire relationship. Maybe that's what she wants. But it's all bad in my world view.
Now, if we get along really well, I like to go by the rule of "from each according to his ability; to each according to his need". That is, whoever makes the most money pays for most expenses, in a manner of equality. But *shrug* whatever - money is not important. It comes and it goes. Love is the important thing :-)
As for what info to spew on a first date - I'm very open, and wherever the conversation goes, I let the info fly. That's how I am, and some people like it, some people don't. I need a mate who likes it. Good to know from the first date. It's not like I'm handing out my credit card or social security numbers, or even my address. But I can't be hurt by someone knowing trivia about my personal life, so if he asks, I tell.
Dropdeadredtx
June 1,2011 at 11:14 amYep, exhausted. :p
Ingytravel
June 1,2011 at 11:01 amLOL...I think you are projecting with the lonely and being dumped talk!...hasn't happened to me...I don't think you are reading my posts very well....I've had good success on EH as well as irl..no complaints from me...I've been blessed to date wonderful guys....
I think we can all see who the bitter and angry one on here is based on the posts...but thanks for trying:)
Ahh..fun to be on vacation and get some laughs on the computer today!
harnomygirl
June 1,2011 at 10:48 amI know! The man has SKILLS! :D
Angelkrista
June 1,2011 at 10:45 amWow! I miss all the fun around here, you guys already got me making out with somebody!:eek: (and he hasn't even bought me dinner yet:p)
vanknight
June 1,2011 at 10:23 amThank God for that. Take care and good luck.
vanknight
June 1,2011 at 10:22 amThats coming from a woman who sits on her butt, grading profiles looking for spelling errors and instead of being in the field looking for Mr. Right. Thats pathethic on so many levels I can't begin, and if I do e-harmony will delete it.;););)
I'm not knocking your hustle, but don't compare laziness to real work. We're not, at all, on the same, level in this regard. I'm looking for a wife, ex-wife, alimony and child support payments and endless senseless drama, like a gaping hole in the head.
It's not my fault most women sit in a rooms that are as cold (frigid) as they are, intead of caressing a man on a consitant basis, and still managing to type with such frost bitten fingers, a headful of lies, and unrealistic expectations. So stay home and stay lonely. I'm not the one dumping you, its the guy you just went out with or ignored you all together.
I'm done on this topic. Good luck on grading those profiles. You must be worn out at the end of the day.
harnomygirl
June 1,2011 at 09:59 amI would never step on an Angel's toes. You're safe from me.
vanknight
June 1,2011 at 09:49 amYou sound jealous? :eek:Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.:eek:
harnomygirl
June 1,2011 at 05:56 amIt was interesting to watch how quickly the Knight got Angel to make out with him online. Maybe he's not lying about his skills. :rolleyes:
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