5 Things it's NOT Okay to Ask on a First Date
In an effort to get to know your date, you turn the conversation to him or her, firing off seemingly innocuous questions. Or are they? Surprisingly, some people don't know the difference between appropriate dinner conversation and what should be left for, well...never.
There are many questions that can flit through one’s mind on a first date, but whether or not they should make the journey from your brain to your mouth is debatable.
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1) “So, What’s your Wedding Timeline?”
If we can declare a dating rule right now, it’s that you should try to keep the tone light during the first few months of courtship. Asking about wedding timeframes, life plans and relationship roadmaps on the first date puts too much pressure on the other person, and frankly, that’s pretty personal stuff to share with a virtual stranger.
There are plenty of other ways to figure out whether or not your date is serious about settling down without asking them straight out. Assess their lifestyle. Does he or she have a steady job? Have they been in the area a long time or do they move from place to place? A person who’s ready to settle down is usually pretty settled in the first place.
2) “How Old are You?”
Confronted once again with endless images of airbrushed perfection, you can easily forget that real people really age. Not everyone races for the Botox and hair dye at the first sign of a few wrinkles and gray hair; instead, many prefer to embrace the passing of time and consider each crease a testament to the lives they’ve lived.
3) “What are you into…in the Bedroom?”
Asking intimate questions about a veritable stranger’s sex life on the first date is far too forward. If you want someone to open up to you, the person needs to feel comfortable with you, and first dates are rarely THAT comfortable. A person’s sexual desires and needs are deeply intimate; come across too brash and you’ll seem bullish and intrusive…and possibly just plain perverted too.
4) “Can I Borrow $1,000?”
It’s one thing not carrying enough cash with you for dinner, but a whole other story if you start treating your new date as a loan service. While not everyone’s looking to bag him- or herself a millionaire, people are still attracted to those who at least appear to be capable of looking after themselves. If you come across like a mooch looking to convert your new beau into a retirement plan, then you’re unlikely to make it to date two.
5) “Where have you Been all my Life?”
Hopefully you’ll find your date both fascinating and desirable, and fleetingly it may even flit through your mind that he or she could be “the one.” This is all very good news: however, try not to blurt it out before the waiter’s brought water to the table. Most of us take a little longer than a nanosecond to realize we’ve found our one true love: if you’ve fast-tracked the process, make sure to give your date a little time to catch up.
On the flip side, here are 15 great first date questions.
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11 Comments View this thread in our community
harnomygirl
July 18,2011 at 12:36 pmOff topic, but I think you're right. You should probably check out any information about yourself that seems odd, in case it's just something that you don't know yet, but should.
NBdater
July 18,2011 at 12:31 pmI use several search engines and eventually come up with the correct info. Sometimes a telephone number has been sufficient. Even an unusual first name in a small locale has been enough. While incorrect info does turn up at times it is usually pretty obvious.
harnomygirl
July 18,2011 at 11:57 amGoogle has me related to people of whom I've never heard. I'm not sure what's going on there. Perhaps they combine people by accident. Or there could be something I should investigate carefully in the future...
I think the questions in the article are spot on. I wouldn't like being asked any of them on a first date.
Anonymous
January 22,2012 at 03:34 pmIf Mitchell is your last name, then yes that is a common last name. Are you sure you have looked up the correct state or middle name. If you have looked up by phone number, maybe that is where there is confusion because people's phone numbers change frequently.
I know anytime I have looked someone up on the internet the information has been true.
If your information is incorrect, I would check into that through credit bureaus because it could be an issue with identity theft.
mitchell175
July 18,2011 at 11:48 amInternet searches are so full of incorrect information that I would not trust that as my first line of inquiry. I have Googled my own name only to find history of myself living at addresses that I had never lived at. And, my last name is very uncommon, so I know it is me.
NBdater
July 18,2011 at 11:42 amI never ask a woman her age on a first date. I do not need to. As soon as I obtain her full name I can find it on the internet.
HelenDanger
July 18,2011 at 11:38 amlol I suppose if there's a question of legality it's best to cover one's bases for sure. ;) Demand to see ID! If you're online dating, though, isn't your age displayed on your profile? I remember mine was.
mitchell175
July 18,2011 at 11:32 amSince when it is taboo to know how old your date is?! "Oh... you're 23? You seem so.... mature for your age. "
upstategirl
July 18,2011 at 10:42 am4) “Can I Borrow $1,000?”
Do we really need an article to tell us that we shouldn't ask this on a first date:rolleyes: (how about never ask this)
Raw Truth, I have to diagree with asking questions 1 -3 on a first date, I would never ask any of those questions, nor would I expect them to be asked of me.
HelenDanger
July 18,2011 at 10:24 amReally? I'm not sure.
1) “So, What’s your Wedding Timeline?”
2) “How Old are You?”
3) “What are you into…in the Bedroom?”
The only one I think makes sense for sure is a variation on question one. "What are you looking for in a partner? What sort of an outcome are you hoping for from your online dating adventure?"
The second one sounds a mite suspicious. How old are you--really? And the third one encourages the conversation to turn down a fairly raunchy road for a first date.
But to each his or her own. A really interesting and charming person can probably risk talking about anything.
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