Love Me, Love My Allergies
Age 15. One of my first parties. That fateful point in the evening when we all sat down to play Spin the Bottle. Imagine my delight when the empty soda bottle pointed me toward a kiss with my high school crush. Imagine my frustration when he said, sadly, “I can’t kiss you. I’ve been eating M&Ms all night.”
A mere kiss with a chocolate-tinged mouth would have given me hives, and he knew it. That was the moment that I realized my food allergies didn’t just complicate school, and eating out, and travel. They 
were going to shape my love life too. No kisses for me.
Since birth, I’ve managed deadly allergies to over a dozen foods including dairy, egg, beef, soy, cucumber, shrimp, mango, melon, and some tree nuts. Even when I’m dressing up for the swankiest nightclub, I have to carry a purse big enough to fit my Epinephrine injector, Benadryl capsules, and an inhaler. People with food sensitivities fall in love like everyone else, but our dietary restrictions create some unique anxieties. So for the eHarmony community, I thought I’d share the view of how a romance goes from single to serious—as seen through the eyes of an allergy girl.
LOOKING FOR LOVE
On top of initial compatibility factors (age, geography, looks, etc.), I have to seek for lifestyles compatible with my allergies. If his job is harvesting shellfish and I’m allergic to shrimp, it’s probably not meant to be. A food writer broke up with me after realizing that, thanks to my milk allergy, I couldn’t share his passion for cheese tastings.
THE FIRST DATE
Ordering off a menu is hard enough without worrying I’ll seem neurotic or picky to my first-time date. My ideal meal is sushi, because the ingredients are usually simple and consistent. If your date has allergies, let her pick the type of restaurant so she can avoid cuisines challenging in the context of his or her dietary restrictions.
THE THIRD DATE
There’s no bigger turn-off than reminding your date to wash up. But unfortunately, I often get hives from being touched by the mouth or hands of someone who has just eaten pizza, ice cream, or other foods to which I’m allergic. When a guy passes on pouring cream in his coffee so he can kiss me later, I know he’s a keeper.
GETTING SERIOUS
If I continue dating someone, sooner or later he’ll witness an allergic reaction. How he reacts tells me our future. Does he panic or stay calm? Is he grossed out by my symptoms? Does he help me make smart decisions about medication or whether to seek hospital care? Will he stay up to monitor my breathing after I’ve fallen asleep?
LIVING TOGETHER
You’ve heard about His & Hers towels…how about His & Hers kitchens? Living with someone’s food allergies can intensify squabbles over cooking and cleaning. The last man I lived with ate eggs and cottage cheese daily, despite my deadly allergies, and I could never bring myself to help him by offering to pick up his groceries.
GETTING MARRIED
Many women dream of big weddings, but I’m terrified by the logistics of an allergen-free meal. Every hug and handshake will put me into contact with my guests. That means everyone will have to share my diet for the night—from the appetizers to the cake. Otherwise my wedding photos will show me with swollen, itchy eyes and puffy lips.
STARTING A FAMILY
It’s not likely my kids will manage to inherit all my allergies. But I worry about how I’ll run a household for kids who don’t share my allergies. While I don’t want to artificially restrict their diets, I can’t cook what I can’t eat—or clean up after a kid who spills his milk. Will my non-allergic partner be up to shouldering extra responsibility as a parent?
Over 12 million Americans have food allergies, which means at some point you’ll probably date someone facing these same issues. Though they can be daunting, these anxieties don’t stop me from falling in love…and again…and again. Because let’s face it, we can’t control the will of our hearts any more than we can control the histamines in our blood. And taking on any challenge—including food allergies—feels a lot more manageable when you have a partner you love and trust.
To purchase Sandra Beasley’s memoir, Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life, visit here! Watch the video here. For more information on Sandra Beasley visit http://www.SandraBeasley.com Publication date of the book is July 12, 2011; available wherever books are sold, just ask.
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sentamentaldream
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Thankfully, my allergies are nowhere near as bad the writer of this article. Thankfully, I have no food allergies. However, I am allergic to everything but horses and pine trees. It hasn’t stopped me from being a person that loves the outdoors; I just have to make sure to take an antihistamine beforehand. I’m accustomed to that and it’s really not an issue since I grew up in the outdoors.No, my issue is irritants more than allergies. Cologne, aftershave, hairspray, all play havoc on me. I shower before a date, might put a dab of perfume and that’s about it, knowing how sensitive I am to scents I try not to make it smell like I bathed myself in perfume. And trust me I appreciate men are nervous when they go out and they may not realize how strong they smell until their date’s eyes start watering and they start sniffling. So, men, please realize ladies like the way you smell but please do not wear a ton of cologne, your date might be allergic to you.
TrekRyder10
August 7,2011 at 05:55 am< allergic to drama queens...
FrankTheGreat
August 7,2011 at 06:31 amI'm sorry, but I don't guard against the lowest common denominator and anticipate my date might be in the 5-10% that has an allergy to my cologne. Nor do I try to anticipate that she's Muslim and doesn't eat pork, that she's vegan, that she's a teetotaler, whatever. People come in all shapes and sizes and you can't guard against them all.
If you have an allergy to something that you know your date has a good shot of wearing (e.g. cologne or an Ed Hardy shirt), it's up to you to make your allergy known. If you don't, it's not anyone's fault but your own you spend the night tearing/with a migraine/whatever.
FrankTheGreat
August 7,2011 at 06:32 amXX
upstategirl
August 7,2011 at 10:28 am[QUOTE=FrankTheGreat;1403188]If you have an allergy to something that you know your date has a good shot of wearing (e.g. cologne or an Ed Hardy shirt QUOTE]
:eek::D
Dropdeadredtx
August 7,2011 at 11:08 amI am deathly allergic to modern country music. My reactions can be severe, and I am always on constant alert, living in Texas. It's a real concern.
lunabeach
August 7,2011 at 11:52 am;)
I found out recently that wheat makes me sick and now that I'm off it completely I react quickly. I know the foods I have to avoid and, b/c it's so common, many restaurants have gluten free options. I don't make a fuss about it; when I pass on bread at dinner I just say that I have a wheat intolerance (if asked). Some people ask questions, most just say "oh, I had a friend in college like that...he/she couldn't drink beer. That sucks, huh?" I agree that it does and conversation moves on.
B/c I am sensitive enough that a few grains will make me sick (learned that after eating lentils, which are apparently processed with barley), I am one of those people who should ask a date to brush or rinse after eating/drinking something wheat based. It made me sad to realize that b/c I've never been a fussy person and it really doesn't feel natural for me to be one now. I'm still in the process of getting comfortable sharing that one; it's been more of an issue for me than anyone I've dated.
pammersw
August 7,2011 at 02:03 pmWell, the writer of the article definitely has some tough allergies. But living with someone with food allergies doesn't have to be all high-stakes drama.
My ex-husband, father of my kids, had allergies to wheat, soy, and peanuts diagnosed while we were married (when the kids were little). We all ate wheat, soy, and peanut free for years. We'd have almond butter on spelt bread, for instance...whatever it took to keep the allergens at bay.
Sometimes I think the kids and I ate more allergen-free than he did, LOL! But you do what you can to help the person you are with.
I think the writer was right to break up with the guy that wouldn't give up two foods she was highly allergic to. Sometimes adjustments have to be made to accomodate the health of the person you love. The fact that he didn't want to make those adjustments says to me that he didn't really love her.
suzyque
August 7,2011 at 02:16 pmMy boyfriend is allergic to my long haired cat and it actually quite a problem. The last time he was over we were on the couch hoping for some romantic time alone and suddenly he starts coughing to the point of gasping and had to bolt out quickly. He was struck down with a migraine for two days after that. It doesn't seem to matter if I vacuum and dust as it is actually the dander and not the hair.
My cat is 12 years old so I figure I have 3 years or so left of this.
It's a bummer.
pammersw
August 7,2011 at 02:28 pmsuzyque, bathing your cat frequently will help, as will wiping down the furniture in your living room (not just vacuuming/dusting).
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