Inside the Mind of the Single Guy

beloved0000: After reading this article, it just solidified what I've already known. Men expect women 2 act like men. Be detatched emotionally, view sex as a mandatory, recreational way 2 pass time w/o repercussions, kinda like watching football, or fishing or whatever. Women ain't wired like that guys...I love sex, but it means more 2 me than just something 2 do. I ain't gonna give up the goodies in the name of gaining relationship. It's not worth it. Not in a dating relationship. It would have 2 be a very committed dating relationship. Especially since all it does is create a relationship based on his needs only. Sure, I have a life. I'm independent. I've had 2 be. And I'll shower u w/all kinds of attention IF, and the article even says this, IF u take the initiative and persue me 1st. U know I'm interested. I've given u "the look." Probably more than once. Now it's your turn. If u don't try and talk 2 me, ur not interested. That's just a fact. Cuz trust me, if I try 2 talk 2 u 1st, and jump thru all ur hoops trying 2 get ur attention, what does the article say? U lose interest. So I ain't goin' there. It does help 2 know, and I'm hopin' the article is right, that men are not afraid of making a commitment. They go on a 1st date 2 c if they want a 2nd date? Really? That thought takes some pressure off...What continues 2 concern me is the apathetic attitude toward emotional intimacy. How many of us women have experienced a man sharing deep, emotionally intimate details about his life, not understanding that 2 a woman, this is almost the equivalent 2 emotional love making. It opens up a woman's soul 2 start breathing this man into their life, 2 fill in the empty spaces that long 2 b filled with, do I dare say it, love? I feel loved when a man opens up 2 me. I feel like he trusts me. U just know when a man is sharing something w/u that is more intimate than "just friends". It can feel inappropriate if that man is married. U put space between u and them cuz u know it just ain't right 2 talk about certain things with married men. But if the guy is single and persuing u, and I find out he's sharing the same intimate details w/another woman, checkin' her out at the same time 4 the same reasons, I feel violated. Exposed. Emotionally raped. Like he took something of mine that didn't belong 2 him. A piece of my heart. That's y I don't have sex casually. Intimacy has levels. And w/women, it starts w/the verbal. So, what I hear this article saying is, I, as a woman, am supposed 2 b more like a man. Unemotional, detatched, unavailable, free of responsibility, so he can feel like a man? No wonder I can't find a man. I'm not a man. I'm a woman. And I unbelievably act like one. Go figure.

Ican say this about it if woman was to act like a man they could not handle it !an there are some woman that do just that act just like a man they [players]

I think that some of us women just get tired of all the dates that lead to nothing more than a bunch of dates. I like getting ready for what I hope is at least an enjoyable date. Look forward to hopefully a nice second date and more if it makes it to that point. What happens when you want to find someone meaningful and so many men aren't? What happens when you meet someone who then becames jealous and such after only a few dates..now that is a turn-off. I think the upfront expectation is valid with telling the other in what you are looking for. It doesn't at all mean that you both will even click on the first or second- or ever date, but it sure saves a lot of frustration in knowing. If you want to go out for a fun date or more than make sure both sides are in for it. I have fun dates with non sexual men. Sex does change things for me as I am the typical female. Upfront talk is valid.

I am single and one of the most troubling aspects of the article is dealing with the womens read about me bio. What I have found out while they are talking to you they are looking at somebody else. Answers range from none at all in guided communication to decline fasttrack. Other tricks is ignore all communications.However, give the guy the wrong phone number and when he ask for correct number close him out. Other tricks lie about your background, Agree to secure call and block the call. Ask for a guys number and close him out. My point is find other activities that keep you busy and just move a long with your own individual life as your single and you are your own best friend.Work at dating but remember there are limitations it is a buyers market with an instant click. PWR

I for one thought that the artical had some very valid points.

I know plenty of women that look at goin on a date an relate that to
possibly findin their soul mate or the one instead of lookin at it how it is; A way to get to know eachother better while havin fun an decidin if ya want another date.

What is wrong with goin out an havin fun?
Whats wrong with makin the first move?
What is wrong with havin a healthy attitude towards sex?

I'm not sayin to go out an sleep with every guy ya meet, I dont think thats a healthy attitude, but there is nothin wrong with sex.

Some people think that guys want us to act like we are a fella.
Well I'd think that would be a turn off for a lot of fella's out there. lol

I think it'd be more fair to assume that they want us to take the chance as well, an to let them know more that they are attractive, that we do want them, and 'that look' doesnt always come across as 'come hither my darling' lol ;)
We as women have a voice an we should use it.
We have personalities an we should show them.

Its not 'actin' like a guy its bein as we are. Strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent ladies that know what we want.
Like the artical said, be the Real us, not phonies. ;) :D :p

I agree with NancyG, I'm glad this article was written. The fact is we, women have generally been conditioned by society to view every guys we meet or go out with as "The One" and if we have sex with a guy, then you're definitely supposed to be "The One". This just isn't always the truth or reality.

It's helpful to know that in general guys don't think that way but it doesn't mean they will never commit to the right woman. Of course there are always exceptions on both sides. We may not like to hear it, ladies but I'd rather be an enlightened woman than believe the hype.

Seneca: The article is quite good - but the responses are a hoot. What a laugh to see the responses that are obviously from today's self-absorbed, misguided American "princesses" who are so full of themselves they cannot fathom why men aren't lining up to kiss their shoes.

P.S. GREAT points, "Singleman" !!

I am confused by this as well. Is it movies and TV shows, soap operas, etc. that give women these delusions of grandeur?

Women that say "oh that's the man's job" when talking about carrying the relationship. As if a woman just has to "look good" and her job is complete.

What amazes me is that women talk about love, love, love....but then are easily dismissive of men that refuse to treat them like a queen. And even go to the lengths of being willing to never go into a relationship unless a man acts in that manner. And they think this is a SOCIAL NORM. I.e. "that's a man's job".

I guess I never received my handbook on what men are supposed to do. Apparently it was written by women who think they are god's gift to men.

The article is quite good - but the responses are a hoot. What a laugh to see the responses that are obviously from today's self-absorbed, misguided American "princesses" who are so full of themselves they cannot fathom why men aren't lining up to kiss their shoes.

P.S. GREAT points, "Singleman" !!

KarenRLB: I was not pleased with this article as I feel it implies women should adopt behaviors and attitudes more like those of non-committal single guys. From my perspective, I can't see why guys can't adjust their dating behaviors to accommmodate the biologogical and social needs of women. Just saying...

Why should they?

Like I said above, I guess it depends on who wants it more. Why should men be so accommodating to women who fail to reciprocate? Unless it's what they really want. Same with women, if you really want a guy, maybe you need to accommodate them.

beloved0000: After reading this article, it just solidified what I've already known. Men expect women 2 act like men.

IF, and the article even says this, IF u take the initiative and persue me 1st. U know I'm interested. I've given u "the look." Probably more than once. Now it's your turn.

So you don't want to do what men want, you want men to do what U want. I get it.

I guess it comes down to who wants it more. If you expect men to chase you around after "giving a look", you may be one lonely person. Or if you happen to be interesting enough maybe men will do the work like you want.

You see, just like you're not a man, I'm not a dog, I don't respond to commands to follow you and do your bidding.

Just because you're not a man does NOT excuse you from making an effort. Just because you want things...er EXPECT things to be a certain way doesn't really mean they will. I'm not going to bend to your expectations any more than you complain about men wanting more from you.

The only impression I get is that you think you are some prize, that a man should expect nothing and devote all of his energy to pleasing you. Get over yourself. The article addresses the fact that men ALSO expect you to be flexible.

KarenRLB: I was not pleased with this article as I feel it implies women should adopt behaviors and attitudes more like those of non-committal single guys. From my perspective, I can't see why guys can't adjust their dating behaviors to accommmodate the biologogical and social needs of women. Just saying...

After reading the article, I'd have to agree with you on this one.