The Biggest Mistake Women Make In Dating, And What To Do Instead
Once we meet a man we really like, we women tend to dive right in. We want to give our hearts, mind and very soul to a man, and meld together into a perfect relationship. We give away our exclusivity before a man gives us the commitment we want.
When we close off our options with other men too soon, we actually sabotage our ability to get the commitment and intimacy we so desire. It's the biggest mistake women make, and you need to stop it - right now! - and start dating many men at the same time until you have the commitment you want from the man who is right for you.
Here's why:
NO MORE NEEDY VIBE THAT PUSHES MEN AWAY
When you have all your hopes and dreams wrapped up in any one guy, it's natural to fear losing him...and losing you. You become obsessed with every phone call, jump when he says jump, and change from the attractive, interesting woman who intrigued him into someone needy and clingy he feels pressured to check in with.
Instead, keep your options open to keep your sanity and remind him that you are a prize to be won. When you stop over-investing too quickly, you'll start getting the kind of affection and attention you crave.
HELPING YOU CHOOSE A PARTNER WISELY
It's hard to see the red flags when there is only one guy on the horizon. If you think he's your only hope, you tend to gloss over things about him that indicate he's a good match. These red flags become landmines over time, and suddenly you've wasted a lot of love and affection on someone who isn't deserving of you.
Dating is about getting to know different people until one special person emerges as the cream of the crop, and you both decide to take things to the next level. You get to CHOOSE if he is the right man for you, and have the time to find out who he is and how he will treat you.
THE RIGHT WAY TO TAKE THINGS SLOWLY
Everyone tells you to "take things slow," but how on Earth are you supposed to do that when you're head over heels for someone? Easy: keep dating other guys. There's no point in trying to slow things down with a man when he's the only one you're dating. It's practically impossible.
But if you keep dating other men, you are instantly able to take it slowly. Your schedule is busy with other dates and activities so that you're automatically not always available to any one man, and it also gives you time to catch your breath and reflect on what he is revealing to you about himself.
OPENING THE DOOR FOR PLEASANT SURPRISES
I'm sure you've heard that you should "throw out the checklist" and not be too picky when it comes to men and dating. But I'm here to tell you that if you throw out the idea of dating one man at a time, you have a much better chance of winding up with your checklist...and more. By keeping your options open and increasing the number of men you meet and date, you increase the likelihood of meeting the man you've been dreaming of...rather than settling for whomever you happen to meet first.
SO DATE MANY MEN TO HELP YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE
Dating many men at the same time is about helping you feel empowered and raising your self esteem. It's about making you the chooser...not the chaser.
So give it a try. Just treat it as an experiment. Open yourself up to getting to know as many men as you can and, when one shows up that you really connect with, don't make the mistake of shutting down other options right away. Make him prove to you that he's worth choosing. I'm willing to bet it will get you faster to your "one" than you ever imagined.
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If you want to learn exactly how to date many men at once in order to find your one, subscribe to Rori's free e-newsletter. Rori will show you how to navigate every aspect of dating - from how to attract the right men, manage your time, and even how to explain to men why you want to keep your options open...without putting any pressure on a man or scaring him away.
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97 Comments View this thread in our community
TJ
May 1,2012 at 09:20 pmDon't agree with this article. I'm a single parent...There's no possible way I have the time to date multiple men at one time! What would I do; have my toddler raise herself? Besides that, I'd probably get mixed up and forget who was who! I don't have the mental capacity to do all that I do plus have an extensive dating life. I do feel that you can take it slow with one person without dating several men at the same time, if you have other interests or other things in your life that take up a significant amount of your time. I understand what the author is trying to say, I just don't feel that the method is for everyone.
Anonymous
February 15,2012 at 11:34 amIf you turned this article around and had the guy dating many girls at the same time it would rub the women the wrong way.
Anonymous
March 12,2012 at 08:42 pmI agree. I will never understand why all this game playing is necessary.
E.T.
February 9,2012 at 07:02 pmRori’s article contains great advice for everyone; that is, don’t be too quick to leap into exclusivity early on while dating. The only thing we can rely upon for that decision is the little voice that tells us whether or not we should introduce that topic, how, when, where, etc.
After reading the article it occurred to me that it really applies to everyone. Let me suggest re-reading it as “The Biggest Mistake People Make In Dating, And What To Do Instead”, instead of “The Biggest Mistake Women Make In Dating, And What To Do Instead”.
Interchange the genders (“him” to “her” and “her” to “him”, etc.) as you read it. Doing so will provide a fresh perspective on the whole dating experience, trust me. Whether you’re a man or a woman, this role reversal is sure to make you think about things you may not have considered before.
Happy dating! Remember that dating will eventually lead to this website’s namesake – “harmony”.
Anonymous
January 21,2012 at 10:40 pmDoes anyone believe in real love? I have been courting the same lady for over one year now, and have not pursued any other. Still have not won her love, but she's held my exclusive interest since day one.
PrincessT
January 19,2012 at 12:01 pmI agree with this article. I'm dating a guy who told me he's not ready for a relationship. I like him alot!! It would be crazy for me to not see other guys while secretly hoping that soon he'd be ready for a relationship. I'm going to continue to date multiple guys until I come across the right one who is ready for what I'm ready for at the exact same time. I'm done waiting on guys to commit who are really afraid to commit. I will keep my heart and options open for the man who's taken the time to get himself together to be a contributing partner in a healthy relationship!
Anonymous
January 7,2012 at 02:06 pmI think with internet dating most people are probably aware that the person they're on a date with (if it's the 1st one) is likely to be chatting to and possibly meeting up with other dates. The worst thing for me is when they tell you that's what they're doing which is what one guy I met did. His words, completely out of the blue, were something along the lines of, "I really like you and this has been great and I definitely want to see you again but I am going on other dates and seeing other people. Just thought it was best to be honest from the start." Now I know we all talk about being honest and how great it is, but this was something I didn't need to hear. Suddenly I felt like I was in a competition for his affections and began to wonder whether I would come out as front runner. That was until I realised what a stupid way I was thinking - if he was happy to let me know that I wasn't good enough from an initial meeting then what was I doing worrying about him. Needless to say, it was a 1st and last date.
We all know this multi-dating malarkey is probably going on but DON'T share it with the dates you're on. Definitely one of those times when don't ask, don't tell really is needed...
Jennifer
January 6,2012 at 08:38 amI agree with Asperone and Essential. Aren't people on Eharmony going out with more than one person at a time at least in the very beginning - dates 1 - 3. I think it takes at least that long to know that you are into someone and vice versa.
I just assume that the guys are at least talking to more than one woman at the same time. And so I am doing that same.
I would never seriously date two people at the same time. That is wrong and dishonest and will get you some pretty bad karma. But if it's early stages - I see no harm. Once something got beyond that - I would have to stop dating the others.
Ladies - guys do this sort of thing more than you know.
Anonymous
November 10,2011 at 11:04 pmGreat advice.
RandomEharmonyMember
April 13,2011 at 07:52 amI only date one girl at a time and never have people on the back burner. Then again, some people feel the need to always be in a relationship. I tend to enjoy my personal time and space when I'm not seeing someone.
I agree with jimmy though, if a girl I've been on a couple dates with and we chat on a regular basis is still going out with 2-3 other guys, I lose interest fast.
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