not looking forward to holidays,:(


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llw11 is offline llw11 Post #1  December 13,2011, 6:38pm
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So I'm visiting my sister, who married into a really religous family and recently I slipped and mentioned that I no longer go to church (I've been thinking about this stuff for quite a while now and I'd say I'm an "agnostic theist" most days..other days i have no idea). We got to talking and I mentioned that I'm just in a space right now where I'm questioning and criticizing everything. For whatever reason I was just never a real believer no matter how hard I tried. I just don't like the message christianity has to offer and often left me depressed. So the typical arguments came up (pascal wager, etc..) and I could tell she was getting very upset and concerned about me.

I'm really not looking forward to getting off the plane and resuming this next weekend and I have a feeling that "I don't want to talk about it this weekend" won't work. I'm going to be completely surrounded next weekend. How should I deal with this. It will be my first time doing this after my crossover to the "dark side".

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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #2  December 14,2011, 8:30am
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That can be hard if your family doesn't respect your decision. You may have to take the high road and participate in whatever you feel able to do without comment and politely refuse to do what you don't. You might offer to babysit the smallest family members instead of attending a specific service or offer to keep an eye on the cooking while others can go without worry. If they continue to press you, consider taking a walk. If it is possible you might decide to stay at a hotel so you have a place to retreat to if it gets too intense.
You might also try to enlist the most understanding of your relatives to help get the message across.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  December 19,2011, 7:53pm
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This would be similar in my family to my choosing to be a Unitarian Universalist while the rest of my family was protestant. I would simply change the subject. Or nod and smile when they talk about it and then decline to comment, and change the subject as soon as possible ("Looks like Aunt Edna needs help stirring the gravy!) Your beliefs are a personal matter and you don't need to discuss them if you don't want to. I would listen to my dad, then start talking about the kids. We have so many other things in common that we don't need to be focusing on the one thing we disagree on!

I used the same approach with politics. I'd let them make their political rant, then let it go. It's not worth arguing about.... you won't change their mind any more than they will change yours, so what's the point? If you don't engage in their conversation, they will get tired of bringing it up.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #4  December 20,2011, 3:30pm
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I'm starting to wish no one ever attached religious significance to any holiday. They clash with each other and people seem to be unable to resist pointing out how irrational someone else's beliefs are.

All I want to do is think of Santa.

My current tactic is avoidance.
 
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llw11 is offline llw11 Post #5  December 20,2011, 4:03pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
This would be similar in my family to my choosing to be a Unitarian Universalist while the rest of my family was protestant.
hey i'm thinking of joining a unitarian universalist church in the new yr. what is it like?

i'd like to believe that everyone should respect each others' beliefs but its not that simple. they are really concerned about my soul as you know in fundamental christianity there is the minor detail of hell, . i do plan to change the subject once they start trying to talk me back into christianity and i know they will.

i was really afraid of this but i just couldn't keep lying to them. i'm just not meant to be a christian and they just don't understand that.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  December 20,2011, 4:36pm
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llw11 wrote :
hey i'm thinking of joining a unitarian universalist church in the new yr. what is it like?
From what you've posted, I think you would feel right at home at a Unitarian Universalist church. For a church without dogma or any set creed, it's members are amazingly like minded. Most used to be something else and became disillusioned for one reason or another with the faith they grew up in. You will find those who believe in God, those who do not, and agnostics.

Many people who find their way into a UU church will say they've been a Unitarian all along and just didn't know it.

One of my favorite things when discussing religion with a new date is to have them take the Belief-O-Matic quiz on the Beliefnet.com web site. Despite the flippant name, it asks a pretty lengthy series of thoughtful questions about what you believe and how strongly you believe each thing. At the end, it will tell you what religions your beliefs most strongly align with. It's pretty interesting.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  December 20,2011, 6:26pm
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I have the same problem with parts of my family; they're fundamentalist Christians and I'm not. I agree with the above: just don't go there with them.

But one thing to think about: depending on how close you want to be with your sister/family, and how you all handle these things: this particular difference can really drive a wedge between you. You might consider addressing the problem head-on with your sister (in a loving, accepting kind of way) in hopes of being able to remain close.

Could you see yourself telling her what you've said here?
 
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llw11 is offline llw11 Post #8  December 20,2011, 7:27pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Could you see yourself telling her what you've said here?
well..i've thought about it and i don't plan to bring it up at all. i've already been honest with her, telling her how i feel. i think she's just having a hard time coming to terms with it. i can already predict that i'll probably get a bible companion book or something similar for my christmas gift, to "help bring me back",.
 
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suzyque is offline suzyque Post #9  December 20,2011, 7:55pm
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llw11 wrote :
well..i've thought about it and i don't plan to bring it up at all. i've already been honest with her, telling her how i feel. i think she's just having a hard time coming to terms with it. i can already predict that i'll probably get a bible companion book or something similar for my christmas gift, to "help bring me back",.
It's just that she loves you and is worried about you. Don't forget that when she starts in with you, because that is her true motive, not to tick you off. I'm a "born again" believer myself, but I do know that you can never brow beat and lecture someone into the Christian faith. Sometimes you just have to love people for who they are and pray like crazy.
 
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boomer_gal is offline boomer_gal Post #10  December 21,2011, 1:21am
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I've found that saying "You might be right" can deflect a variety of conversations that I would prefer to avoid.
 
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