Having had a happy marriage that was biblically based, I can say without a doubt that you can become one in a marriage without losing your identity. In fact, the moment you lose your identity in a marriage, I don't believe you capable of fulfilling that one aspect of marriage. Having a set of friends separate from your spouse or havbing your own hobbies and interests actually enriches the marriage because it enriches the person you are so that you can better give to that marriage and make it a true one kind of relationship. Example: I loved to cross stitch and garden and quilt, read and a variety of other things. I belonged to a quilting group that met once a month. I also took book keeping courses, psychology and educational psychology courses and went walking regularly and out for coffee with a group of girlfriends. I did this along with being a wife, mother and house keeper (cooking, laundry, housecleaning, etc.). Taking me out of my usual duties of a wife and mother and taking care of the home made me feel better about myself,, more fulfilled and happier so that when I related to my husband, I had a lot more to offer and did not feel like it was a burden to spend time with him or give myself completely to his interests and needs. If I had stayed home all the time, not socialized and not spent time learning new things for myself, I would have had nothing to offer because there would not have been anything extra for me to give. The same thing went for my husband. If he spent time on his hobbies of gardening and wood working and going out with his friends for coffee or a car or truck show, he was a happier man and had more to offer me in terms of self-esteem and a desire to make me happier too. You cannot truly become one unless you are willing to give wholeheartedly to a relationship and you cannot give wholeheartedly to a relationship unless you spend some time developing your own interests, talents and self-sufficiency. You cannot stimulate another unless you are already stimulated. You can't become one in mind if you don't have a mind that's working.