piegirl is offline piegirl Post #1  October 25,2009, 1:33pm
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Hi. I am never been married, no kids… I am dating a single dad… Biblically speaking who comes first if you remarry? Your kids or your new spouse?
 
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TracyBluebird is offline TracyBluebird Post #2  October 25,2009, 1:50pm
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God's first! I know you knew that!

Biblically speaking, in a marriage you become one. Since the children are present, he needs to consider them in his decisions. If he is making healthy decisions with respect to their needs, and not out letting them get away with things due to guilt, there shouldn't be a concern for "first or second."

If you are in this stage of the relationship and already concerned about who is first, you may be headed for trouble.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #3  October 26,2009, 8:48pm
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TracyBluebird wrote :
God's first! I know you knew that!

Biblically speaking, in a marriage you become one. Since the children are present, he needs to consider them in his decisions. If he is making healthy decisions with respect to their needs, and not out letting them get away with things due to guilt, there shouldn't be a concern for "first or second."

If you are in this stage of the relationship and already concerned about who is first, you may be headed for trouble.
+1
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #4  October 26,2009, 9:15pm
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Always lead with your heart. Sometimes the kids have to come first, other times the spouse will come first. One needs to be flexible and understanding when becoming part of a blended family. He is a package deal, and if you don't like or can't get along with his kids... do everyone a favor and move on.

Before you consider marriage, you need to have a discussion on what your role as a stepparent will be. One thing is for certain, the kids were there first, and if you were to make him choose... the kids will always win. He will always be their dad.
 
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TracyBluebird is offline TracyBluebird Post #5  October 27,2009, 7:47am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Before you consider marriage, you need to have a discussion on what your role as a stepparent will be. One thing is for certain, the kids were there first, and if you were to make him choose... the kids will always win. He will always be their dad.
I have told my kids I won't ever be looking for a replacement Dad, I just want someone to enhance my life. If that person is the right one for me, they will have to be the right one for my kids too.

You are right in saying there needs to be a discussion about it.

Tracy
 
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Catburt28 is offline Catburt28 Post #6  May 29,2010, 5:55pm
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Interesting question;

I think that the spouse should come first, as long as no abuse is occuring.

Here's why:
Would you even ask that question if you stayed married to same person?
No.
So why would it be any different with a different woman as his wife?
What is the main goal in raising children?
To give them the tools they need to become productive, honorable citizens and lead fulfilled, righteous lives.

How many times have we all seen single parent families where the child runs the family?
And how many of those children have problems adjusting to the restrictions and rules that come with normal adulthood?
We do our children no favors when they have an exaggerated sense of their importance in the world.

Additionally--The best gift a man can give his daughters and sons is to model a respectful and loving relationship with his wife.
They need to see people who disagree, argue and live, while still maintaining love and respect for each other.
This gives them the most important tool they will need in their future lives.
The single most important decision we make is who we will marry, not our career or where we live.

Also, the children will eventually move out and start their own families.
The husband and wife still have a relationship (hopefully) that ideally should last to the end.
What kind of relationship will they have if he/she's been ignored or disrespected for 10-20 years while the children came first?

It's healthier for all concerned if the man and woman honor their vows to let no one (including an exisiting child) come between them.
 
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