"He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing . . . "


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beloved804 is offline beloved804 Post #1  March 13,2009, 7:44pm
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As a single Christian woman, I struggle with the topic of dating. I'm curious to know what other Christian singles think concerning the roles of men and women when it comes to dating. Is it aggressive and contrary to scripture for a woman to ask a man out or let him know that she's interested?
 
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rix is offline rix Post #2  March 13,2009, 8:32pm
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I believe it important to make a distinction between universal application and cultural imperatives when interpreting the scriptures. Obviously, morals and ethics have a universal application; but other secondary factors, such as the role of women, I believe only apply to the cultural mindset of Judea during the time of Christ. And it is tragic that particular cultural implications are often interpreted as universals by the more conservativeminded. As a result, women are often excluded from certain roles in ministry; and those who were once ordained as ministers, have found their ministry taken away from them, when an organization chooses to adopt a more "conservative" position.


I believe the same principle applies to the role of women in dating, and the culture of first century Palestine obviously should not serve as a model for women living in twenty-first century America. Furthermore, women do not realize the power they have. I do not remember the precise statistics. But roughly, when a man asks a woman out, it is around 3 times out of 10 she will say "yes". But when a woman asks a man out, it is around 8 or 9 times out of 10 that he will say "yes". And, why shouldn't a woman utilize this factor to her advantage?


Recently, a womanwith whom I'm acquainted, began hanging around more, coinciding with my work schedule. She worked as a distributor, but began to adapt her schedule more to mine. Then one day, she disappeared. I thought she might be interested, but I had my reservations. Then one day, I heard through the grapevine, about someone asking her why she didn't make a play for me. Her reply was, "I tried." She tried? I never recall her once asking me out, or even hinting that we might go out. And like I said, I knew her, and I knew her story. She was a friend of the family, and I overanalyzed the implications if things did not work out. However, I thought, if she had asked me out, I more than likely would have said "yes". Therefore, why do more women not askmen out? We supposedly have come a long way since the womens liberation movement of the sixties. Yet, it is funny how the more things change, the more they stay the same.
 
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lynn77 is offline lynn77 Post #3  March 14,2009, 7:09pm
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beloved804, wrote :

As a single Christian woman, I struggle with the topic of dating. I'm curious to know what other Christian singles think concerning the roles of men and women when it comes to dating. Is it aggressive and contrary to scripture for a woman to ask a man out or let him know that she's interested?
No, it is not contray to scripture for a women to ask out a man. Please read Ruth 3: 7-11. Ruth more of less asked Boaz to dance. He accepted. They wed gave birth to Obed, the grandfather of King David.
 
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beloved804 is offline beloved804 Post #4  March 16,2009, 3:03pm
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lynn77,530500 wrote :

beloved804, wrote :


As a single Christian woman, I struggle with the topic of dating. I'm curious to know what other Christian singles think concerning the roles of men and women when it comes to dating. Is it aggressive and contrary to scripture for a woman to ask a man out or let him know that she's interested?


No, it is not contray to scripture for a women to ask out a man. Please read Ruth 3: 7-11. Ruth more of less asked Boaz to dance. He accepted. They wed gave birth to Obed, the grandfather of King David.
I've read Ruth many times and reread it when I saw your response. How do you come to the conclusion that Ruth was practically asking Boaz to dance? I think her actions let him know that she was available,but it was Boaz that moved things along.
 
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psalm139 is offline psalm139 Post #5  March 16,2009, 9:51pm
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You can ask a man out, but why would you want to?


I believe that scripture endorses that we women can make ourselves available and our interests known ---that is invitation, nothing wrong with inviting a man to pursue. But the pursuit is clearly up to a man, I feel. I further feel that our Father has placed within women the desire to feel treasured, desired, and pursued by a man who will present us as spotless before our Creator. I also believe that God has placed within men a desire to win a woman's heart. I think the church and post-modern culture has emasculated our men....men who will jump from planes, water ski one-handed while drinking a pepsi, or skateboard on a half-pipe, but the task of asking a woman out on a date scares them...?


One thing I've read many times is that a man will notice a woman hanging around him or making herse'f avialable via smiles or viewing his profile or syncing up her sched with his...i.e. she's drop kicking hankies all over the place, but the guy refuses to pick up the clue phone . What I say to these guys is, if she's near you, unmarried, and you find her attractive, what are you waiting for, just ask her out...if she's in your presence in an obvious way, just go for it! What more does a guy need?


Don't get me wrong, women send mixed signals, but in general most woman will avoid a guy if she's not interested, not hang around him.


Food for thought: many women have 'pursued' men and after a while the woman wonders if the guy would ever have approached her if she didn't ask him out first....a humilating feeling for a woman who wants to feel captivating to a man. Also while certainly not a sure-fire indicator, but if a guy is passive about purusing a woman, I kinda project that he's passive in other areas of his life. Mind you, some women like an easy going guy who chooses to respond to situations rather than jump in w/ both feet. That is their pref, but to me, I prefer the guy who's willing to take risks in life and in love...so if I'm swirling around him and making conversation and if he doesn't pick up on anything chances are he's not interested. Cuz one thing I've found is that if a guy is interested, and if he really wants you, he'll do something about it -- if he's not having testerone issues, e.g. medically related challenges. Sorry to be so blunt, but if a man's sex drive is even half that of what the church tells us, it totally baffles me as to why men aren't asking out random women left and right, provided they are currently living celibate lives.


Guys are visual, so if a man sees a pretty, nice, single gal, why wouldn't he ask her out? And if he's a red-blooded, single man and wants to be in a relationship, why wouldn't he pursue a woman, regardless if he's known her for a while or if he just met her in a cafe? WHY?! Just ask her out...It's so simple, true? The biggest reason guys give is fear of rejection, so there you have it, if he chooses not to step out, again I ask you to consider is this the guy you want? If a guy needs 100% assurance that you like him, e.g. you having to fall on the floor spread eagle in his path..then I do wonder if he's the risk-taking kind....again depends on what you prefer.
 
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GILKEY is offline GILKEY Post #6  April 3,2009, 9:24am
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I met my wife on E/H. My life would have been different had E/H been around back 40 years ago or so. I could have been spared a great deal of grief. When I looked at what my matches had to say and their profiles I read I knew I had been looking in all the wrong places and at all the wrong women. I should have known better but was too lonely myself to use the common sense I had. I even went to a Christian college for two years to "find a nice Christian girl".


Can't change the past but I can make sure that the future is much better~! I have learned a great deal from reading the book FIREPROOF, watching the DVD, and reading The Love Dare. My wife and I are attending a couples retreat next month; we are both looking forward to it. We attend church together, pray together, and read the BIBLE together.
Last edited by GILKEY; June 23,2009 at 3:40am. Reason: spelling
 
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supernova8610 is offline supernova8610 Post #7  April 10,2009, 6:18pm
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Speaking as a female, I think it's fine for a girl to let a guy know she's interested; however, in the end, I think it should be the guy's job to ask the girl out.
 
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BSLS is offline BSLS Post #8  April 11,2009, 1:14pm
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Subtly put the idea in his head, so that he thinks it was his idea to ask you out!
 
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AngelicAdvice is offline AngelicAdvice Post #9  April 28,2009, 11:22pm
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beloved804, wrote :

As a single Christian woman, I struggle with the topic of dating. I'm curious to know what other Christian singles think concerning the roles of men and women when it comes to dating. Is it aggressive and contrary to scripture for a woman to ask a man out or let him know that she's interested?
Beloved, I believe it is ok to let them know she is interested such as Ruth placing herself at the feet of Boaz. I think there is harmless flirting with the eyes and ways to "place yourself at mens feet" which in essence is letting him know you are interested.


Without writing a long winded answer (not saying anything to those who did), but ultimately, we as Christian woman need to remember it is up to the man to find a wife. Therefore, it is up to him to initiate. I have seen a very shy male initiate a relationship and it lead to marriage. I believe God will place someone on a males heart he is forced to initiate, so to say I need to initiate because they are shy is no excuse (not saying you did, just giving an example).


Lastly, I know it is hard as a christian woman because you wonder what are these males waiting for. They say they want a wife, but they do not seem to be moving in that direction. Right? Well, if you want I can reccommend some EXCELLENT books on singleness and dating that are good reads and interesting. Hope all that makes sense!


~*~Angelic~*~ Just Me...My Opinon..Stated As Fact
 
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share337 is offline share337 Post #10  April 29,2009, 6:25pm
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GILKEY,561493 wrote :

I met my wife on E/H. My life would have been different had E/H been around back 40 years ago or so. I could have been spared a great deal of grief. When I looked at what my matches had to say and their profiles I read I knew I had been looking in all the wrong places and at all the wrong women. I should have known betterbut was too lonely myself to use the common sense I had. I even went to a Christiancollege for two years to "find a nice Christian girl".


Can't change the past but I can make sure that the future is much better~! I have learned a great deal from reading the book FIREPROOF, watching the DVD, and reading The Love Dare. My wife and I are attending a couples retreat next month; we are both looking forward to it. We attend church together, pray together, and read the BIBLE together.
That was so lovely to read. Effort is what it takes to make a marriage work and it sound like you two are going in the right direction. And you can't go wrong when you have God in your life. I hope I find a willing partner as you have. I would love to be in a relationship with someone who really wants to make sure the marriage works. That truly would be great. I hope God bless you and your wife with long life and happiness.
 
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