"He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing . . . "


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Lisa4fellowship is offline Lisa4fellowship Post #11  May 10,2009, 7:22pm
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Hi, my name is Lisa. As the scriptures make it clear that Yahua(Yahwah) is to be the one who guides our path, that includes guiding us to our soul mate. If we treat all people with freindlines, and keep people as freinds, that freindship helps to disolve the pressures of dating rules and provides a good ground for getting to know eachother on terms that enable us to realy figure out if romance is even a something that should be considered with that person. If the long term freindship develops into greater feelings, those feelings are easier to discuss with a freind than with a stranger that your merely attracted to.


This is how I have developed some good freindships, and also kept myself rational enough to realise when a freind should just remain a freind and not become anything else. I only want a permanent marriage. Not a boyfreind. Faith has been demonstrated in the scriptures as the big motivator for marriage. Trusting that Yahua(Yahwah) has made the choice that he foresees to be good.


For those who still want to date, consider this. If a man doesn't have the courage to ask you if youd be interested in going somewhere with him, is he realy in an emotionaly healthy condition for a healthy relationship? I also agree with what someone said about women dong their part by being freindly, and available. There are simple, unnagressive things a women can do to let a man know she's interested in getting to know him and be freinds. I've noticed that men do it to. To test the water and see if its safe to try to get aquainted. If anyone wants to know some of these gestures just reply and ask me for a list of examples. I use these to build new freindships.


Life is much simpler when we keep people as freinds, and trust Yahua for marriage.


Be blessed,


Lisa
 
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Slae is offline Slae Post #12  May 11,2009, 12:35pm
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If you read the book of Esther it took her one year to meet the king. I have never chat online before this my first time but I am getting my divorce on 5/12/2009 I was married for 10 1/2 years. I am learning how to start all over again. I am willing to wait for the one who God has for me. I love God more than anything.
 
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FaithNGod is offline FaithNGod Post #13  July 6,2009, 11:47am
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beloved804 wrote :
As a single Christian woman, I struggle with the topic of dating. I'm curious to know what other Christian singles think concerning the roles of men and women when it comes to dating. Is it aggressive and contrary to scripture for a woman to ask a man out or let him know that she's interested?
To me, you are already reaching out to those who would be interested in you. I would love to get to know you more being a woman who tries to live a holy life. It is a rare jewel for women wanting to live holy before God and man.
 
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PreachersSon is online now PreachersSon Post #14  September 13,2009, 11:22pm
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Here's my take on this, speaking as a guy. For me, it's not a matter of fearing rejection, but of knowing enough about the woman to know if I want to get to know her. Honestly, I'm not looking for ugly, but just because a girl is pretty, and available doesn't mean I want to date her. I believe that there are Biblical limits on who a Christian should date, and I want to know if she fits those criteria before I ask her out. For instance, at a bare minimum, I want to know that she is saved, Baptist, and has a real love for the Lord, and willingness to serve Him.

Even in churches, there tend to be a lot of what I call "Sunday School girls" who know all the pat answers, and the right way to look and act at church, but don't have clue one Biblically or logically why, except that that is what someone told them. They haven't spent enough time getting to know the Lord, in prayer or in the Book, to find out for themselves what they believe and why. I'm not interested in that kind of girl, and sometimes it takes time and discernment to know if someone is "real." in their love for the Lord. Untill I know, or at least have some indication, I'm not going to ask her out--dropkicking hankies or not.

I would NEVER, for instance, ask out some random woman I met at Wal-mart or IHOP or something, just because she was pretty, nice, and available. I'd sit back and watch to see how she acted over a stretch of ground w/o letting her know I was interested. Then, if she's pretty, nice, available, and REAL, I might, but it has nothing to do with fear of rejection or unwillingness to take a risk. I'm not going to waste my time taking UNWARRANTED risks, but taking a risk is not the problem. Dating is invariable a risk. It's having enough info to decide if it's worth the risk.

Of course, the downside to this approach tends to be that by the time I've decided I'm interested, she's decided I'm not--or she's not. But, then again, this saves a whole lot of unnecessary heartache on both sides. As someone else has said on this thread...

"Just my opinion, stated as fact."
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #15  September 14,2009, 1:18pm
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Personally, I'd say that you're severely limiting your options unnecessarily, PreachersSon. I say that not in terms of the standards that you set, but rather your insistence on seeing whether a woman measures up to those standards even before the first date! What if it's not someone you'll be bumping into again, or the social context in which you meet isn't conducive to immediate deep, theological discussions?

I certainly understand the desire to avoid becoming really invested in a relationship that ultimately has deal-breakers, but going out for coffee a couple of times shouldn't be the basis for heartbreak...if you're finding that to be the case, you might want to instead reconsider the expectations and emotional investment you place in your first couple of dates.
 
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PreachersSon is online now PreachersSon Post #16  September 15,2009, 5:41pm
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cardguy wrote :
Personally, I'd say that you're severely limiting your options unnecessarily, PreachersSon. I say that not in terms of the standards that you set, but rather your insistence on seeing whether a woman measures up to those standards even before the first date! What if it's not someone you'll be bumping into again, or the social context in which you meet isn't conducive to immediate deep, theological discussions?

I certainly understand the desire to avoid becoming really invested in a relationship that ultimately has deal-breakers, but going out for coffee a couple of times shouldn't be the basis for heartbreak...if you're finding that to be the case, you might want to instead reconsider the expectations and emotional investment you place in your first couple of dates.
Okay, that's a reasonable, well argued response. I didn't necessarily mean that one or two coffees caused heartbreak, but you don't ask someone out unless you're somewhat attracted to them, which means you at least HOPE it might go somewhere. I believe in dating "in pursuit of marriage." Which is to say, that I would never date a woman "one date past the day that says I could marry her." And, sorry, but if we aren't both Christians (or for that matter, both Baptists), then I can't even consider marrying her. So, why would I waste the time going on a date? It doesn't have to be a long theological discussion, either. It could be something as simple as "So do you go to church? Where do you go? What's it like?"

As far as her attitude toward the Lord, most of the time, that is revealed in little stuff, like her attitude, and how she acts around her friends. Also, sorry to say, but you can tell a lot by how she dresses and carries herself (Yes, I know that's a hot button issue, but that doesn't make it any less true. I may NOTICE a women wearing next to nothing, but I won't ask her out, because how you dress does say something about you. It goes for guys too, by the way. On the other hand, a cute girl in a long skirt will usually get a second look from me. But that's just me.)

My main point was that there are criteria that rule out a first date at all. Yes, pretty and available are on the list, but they aren't the whole list. There are certainly some things that can be discussed on a first date, or a second, or a third... but there are some things that ought to be deal breakers (for a committed Christian anyway) from the word go. And it helps to know those going in.

Oh, and to answer the OP's question: If he is a MAN, not a mouse, and he's interested, sooner or later, he'll come after you. If he doesn't, he's not. And do you really want to date a mouse?

(No shot at you, cardguy. Didn't see your icon untill after I posted this the first time.)
 
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flippenstipper is offline flippenstipper Post #17  October 2,2009, 10:53am
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Ruth laid herself at his feet while he was sleeping, from my recall
 
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PreachersSon is online now PreachersSon Post #18  October 26,2009, 2:06pm
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flippenstipper wrote :
Ruth laid herself at his feet while he was sleeping, from my recall
Well, yes, but you have to put that in context. Ruth's action was a marriage proposal, and highly unusual. Besides, earlier in the relationship, in chapters 2-3 of Ruth, Boaz had already extended himself to her. Told her to stay in HIS field to glean, provided for her physical needs (letting her glean, having some grain dropped on purpose for her, letting her use the worker's water, and sitting by her while feeding her lunch.) And the harvest was almost over, so time was crucial, since they wouldn't see each other after the harvest. Then there is the whole Levitical code of Boaz being a "kinsman redeemer" whose duty it was to marry her and provide for her. So, she was pressing the issue, yes, but it wasn't like he hadn't already expressed an interest. So, I'm not sure you can make that example apply to today.
 
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