Conservative and Liberals Divorce Agreement


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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #1  July 30,2009, 9:32am
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Petitioners
Republicans
Conservatives
Right-Wings
Neocons
Theocons
McCain/Palin Supporters, et al:

vs.

Respondents
Democrats
Liberals
Moderates
Left-Wings
Socialists
Obama/Biden Supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that we want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

 Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?
 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #2  July 30,2009, 9:34am
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shellyg wrote :
Petitioners
Republicans
Conservatives
Right-Wings
Neocons
Theocons
McCain/Palin Supporters, et al:

vs.

Respondents
Democrats
Liberals
Moderates
Left-Wings
Socialists
Obama/Biden Supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that we want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

 Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?
0
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 30,2009, 9:55am
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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Registered Democrat way back.

First husband---Libertarian, Dead Head, hippie, many guns, taught me how to shoot, bought me my first pistol.

Second husband---Republican, many guns. His friends worried I might turn him into a Flaming Liberal, instead he turned me into a Conservative.

Last move he registered Republican, I, Democrat. First election, he got voting materials, I never did. First (and last) election I ever missed.

I re-registered Republican, been voting ever since!

Where do I get to live?
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #4  August 4,2009, 9:47pm

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shellyg wrote :
Petitioners
Republicans
Conservatives
Right-Wings
Neocons
Theocons
McCain/Palin Supporters, et al:

vs.

Respondents
Democrats
Liberals
Moderates
Left-Wings
Socialists
Obama/Biden Supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that we want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?


Outstanding!
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #5  August 5,2009, 5:53am
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shellyg wrote :
Petitioners
Republicans
Conservatives
Right-Wings
Neocons
Theocons
McCain/Palin Supporters, et al:

vs.

Respondents
Democrats
Liberals
Moderates
Left-Wings
Socialists
Obama/Biden Supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that we want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?
Divisive and ugly. We need to pull together in this country. As our President has said, neither party has a monopoly on all the good ideas.
 
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Rand_011 is offline Rand_011 Post #6  August 5,2009, 8:35am
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Divisive and ugly ... Interesting ... Don't really see anything divisive (unless you are referring to the topic heading) ... Only ugly one might be sticking the liberals with scientology ... That would be a low blow
 
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dito is offline dito Post #7  August 5,2009, 10:30am
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Ugh neocons and their preemptive wars and religion.
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #8  August 5,2009, 1:08pm
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It's very divisive, and yes, I find that ugly. It caters to all of the worst stereotypes of both parties. If it was supposed to put liberals down, I don't think it works. Instead, it says to liberals that their worst fears about the right wing are true (which I'd rather not believe, personally). I mean fears that patriotism and unity are only important to conservatives when one of their own is in the White House. Or to their resentment that too many conservatives mischaracterize all liberals as immoral and religionless; I mean, look at this thing. They'll keep the Bible and the values in the country - excuse me?! Oh wait -maybe if they keep the Bible, they'll find out that it says more about making peace, aiding the poor, and caring for creation than about bashing gays and lying about where people were born! Hmmm.....

I know quite a few Republicans who have done some good work for the homeless and for the prevention of homelessness, and I don't think they'd care for that dismissive little comment about the homeless (i.e., you can keep them), as though no Republicans care about those in that situation. Again, that's a stereotype that many liberals have of conservatives, and I would not think a conservative would have wanted to highlight it here.
Further, as john8andy pointed out, it's not as though you can really divide the country this way - most would not fall neatly into either camp if anyone actually tried this (but of course it's just a bit of satire and no one will).
Last edited by graceventually; August 5,2009 at 4:11pm.
 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #9  August 5,2009, 6:12pm
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Well, neither side is willing to let go of their ideologies and beliefs for the benefit of the greater good. I am simply bringing the ugliness out into the open. I would love nothing more than to have resolutions for all citizens of this country but this is why these politicians continue to get paid. To argue that their ideas and beliefs are the best solution. It is a vicious cycle. I think we should eliminate the parties. I don't think that will ever happen though. Wishful thinking on my part but one can dream
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #10  August 5,2009, 7:01pm
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Oh, the ugliness is out there, that's for sure!

Just an example - I've got a fellow alum who is now a congressman who found himself hung in effigy when he tried to hold a town hall recently. I barely know him, but the folks I know who do all say he's a good guy, and very dedicated. I'm hoping his small boys did not have to see this. I fail to see how stunts like that add to civil discourse.

I'm not in favor of eliminating the parties, but I wonder if a third party would ensure that more coalitions would have to be built, in order to pass legislation and actually govern? I think the two parties just get more and more polarized all the time, in some unhealthy ways. There was already another thread on this that I was pretty opinionated on so I won't repeat it all here .
Last edited by graceventually; August 5,2009 at 7:09pm.
 
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