Is Child-Support a form of Welfare?

I'm trying to get my ex-wife to evaluate our situation again. She's a CPA, I'm an engineer, our incomes area little separated, butshe makes good money by any standard (very sustainable income). We have true 50:50 custody of one boy, swap on Fridays. By any standards, and by all accounts I got screwed during my divorce. Even the women I date, who never get CS from their ex,shake their heads and call me an idiot.


Still, every time I try to bring up CS, I get the same response: "Do whatever the f.ck you want, I don't care anymore."


She immediately gets frustrated. Like so many of the leaving-spouses, Ilether keep the house, and got myself a 1BR apartment that wreaked of the upstairs neighbor's pot. Even during the separation I paid her a hefty support, and for a couple of years even footed the mortgage along withmy new rent. After six years of moving around, I'm finally back in a decent house and trying to restart my life for-really real-real.


Again, we're 50:50, and in fact, since she has 4weeks/year of busy season, I end up watching our son 7 months out of the year, and she only has him 5 months.


I asked her this morning about the CS. Same response as always.


- Saul (leaving to go f.ck himself, as instructed)


p.s. The reason I got to thinking on this topic of welfare and CS, is because she's a staunch conservative, well-aligned with me politically. I got to thinking that maybe this is a form of welfare to which she's become addicted -- she is living beyond her means, only because I keepsending her money. See the irony?


I honestly have no clue how to handle this situation. Ugh.

Hey Saul, I'm sorry your situation is so frustrating.


When you bring up CS to your ex, do you ask an open question like "Can we talk about CS?" If so, and since you say she's frustrated, maybe you can devise a starting proposal for the two of you to discuss.


Propose that each of you assume certain definite, equivalent expenses for your son. If she pays for his clothing, you pay for his soccer league (or baseball or whatever - you get my drift). Each of you pays groceries and child care expenses when he is in your custody, so that should be relatively equal. Who carries the health insurance? Provide an offset for that. Perhaps even stipulate that each of you contributes X amount into a savings or college fund.


I'm sure that in six years your ex has become accustomed to the additional income, but if you lay out an expense spreadsheet like the one I suggested it will be harder for her to protest.


I actually would periodically give my ex a list of the girls' monthly expenses so he had a sense of where the CS went. I thought that was only fair and was in the spirit of what the CS is for.


How do you think your ex would respond if you proposed a reworked agreement?

There's no way you're an idiot if you believe that it is helping make things better for your son.


Sometimes, math and justice just don't matter.

my thoughts exactly - but you said it better, Rob.