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I have this amazing friend I met at SLU she needs surgery and it is not covered cause of a lapse in insurance for one month. Oh she is only 21, finance major in NYC so you know underemployed. Her mom wants to pay out of pocket for the surgery. As moms do.

I have been trying since last night to explain to her that this is just how moms are and please let her mom do this.

Please if you have any ideas....
- October 30th, 2009, 11:03 am
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librarybabe librarybabe is offline
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Tell her she has the choice of robbing her mother of a some money or an irreplaceable daughter. Either way her mother loses something. Her mother has already told her which she values more.

If it hurts her pride, you might remind her that in the current health care situation, it is likely that she will need to return the favor someday to her mom. It is just a loan.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:15 am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I have this amazing friend I met at SLU she needs surgery and it is not covered cause of a lapse in insurance for one month. Oh she is only 21, finance major in NYC so you know underemployed. Her mom wants to pay out of pocket for the surgery. As moms do.

I have been trying since last night to explain to her that this is just how moms are and please let her mom do this.

Please if you have any ideas....
I don't know if this applies here to your friend's situation but I know that some hospitals do give charity to it's patients in need. I not too long ago had a client who had timed out on medicaid and had no medical coverage to pay for her bill. She has no husband and the little she does make goes towards her children.You'll have to get in contact with the hospital itself and they (if they have this program) will send you paperwork and you have the burden of proof to establish financial need.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:22 am
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I've never understood that kind of adversarial attitudes toward family..... Ask her a simple question - if the roles were reversed and it was her mother who needed surgery but her insurance was lapsed - would she want to do whatever it takes to save her mom or would she be a cold hearted b and let her mother drop. Her issues with money and pride are utterly misplaced and she is actually badly hurting her mother by refusing her care, not to mention hurting her own health.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:28 am
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librarybabe wrote :
Tell her she has the choice of robbing her mother of a some money or an irreplaceable daughter. Either way her mother loses something. Her mother has already told her which she values more.

If it hurts her pride, you might remind her that in the current health care situation, it is likely that she will need to return the favor someday to her mom. It is just a loan.
I did that. I went with the unwritten contract. Moms move heaven and earth for their kids and in return we are not required to live in cardboard boxes when we are old.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:29 am
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PR_Princess wrote :
I don't know if this applies here to your friend's situation but I know that some hospitals do give charity to it's patients in need. I not too long ago had a client who had timed out on medicaid and had no medical coverage to pay for her bill. She has no husband and the little she does make goes towards her children.You'll have to get in contact with the hospital itself and they (if they have this program) will send you paperwork and you have the burden of proof to establish financial need.
I work for Anisthesiologists so I know what you speak of. Her doctor will only take cash up front. The other problem is her dad is loaded. Funny how they don't take into consideration he won't pay.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:32 am
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DancingFool wrote :
I've never understood that kind of adversarial attitudes toward family..... Ask her a simple question - if the roles were reversed and it was her mother who needed surgery but her insurance was lapsed - would she want to do whatever it takes to save her mom or would she be a cold hearted b and let her mother drop. Her issues with money and pride are utterly misplaced and she is actually badly hurting her mother by refusing her care, not to mention hurting her own health.
She would do anything for her mom. She just keeps thinking what if her mom does this for her and something happens to her mom or sister and her mom doesn't have the money for that. It makes me sad that she would rather live in pain and not be able to work than take from her family.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:35 am
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Thanks guys for moving this. I had no idea where it belongs.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:45 am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
She would do anything for her mom. She just keeps thinking what if her mom does this for her and something happens to her mom or sister and her mom doesn't have the money for that. It makes me sad that she would rather live in pain and not be able to work than take from her family.
Families do not take from each other they share. It's not his or hers, or mom's or sister's, it's all family's. That's why it's a family and not strangers. In other words, what she uses today she will return in kind tomorrow by caring for her mom or sister or whatever may happen or come up in life. With family it is not a one way street and you are all there to take care of each other. She somehow needs to grasp that she is actually killing her mother right now - if she won't do it for herself, she needs to do it for her mom.
- October 30th, 2009, 12:19 pm
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I suppose that other things to consider are how critical it is to have the surgery, and how expensive it is (and with that, what are her mother's financial resources). It makes a difference if we're talking about $5,000 vs. $150,000.

Are they any options for insurance coverage through school that would get her at least some basic coverage (even with a high deductible) and not require an extended delay to deal with pre-existing conditions? Or, can she be added to one of her parents' insurance (that may depend on the laws of the state she lives in, but in some areas students can be on their parents' policy past the age of 21).

And, has anyone approached her dad to ask for his help on this?

There are important lessons here about how important it is to have health insurance even when you are young and to make paying those premiums a high priority. You really do never know what sort of unexpected health issue could come up... For her, her lapse was just really, really bad timing...
- October 30th, 2009, 12:51 pm
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