When I was much younger, I had relationships with two men who had STDs but were not upfront about them initially. One had chlamydia, treated & cured, but still did not disclose when we had the intial discussion, and not until weeks after we had been sexually active (using a condom). The other had hepatitis C and while we always used a condom, this can be transmitted through blood as well, so even a casual paper cut could have been risky.

The first man and I continued the sexual relationship with a condom (as we had been), but it didn't last. Same thing with the second man, which ended almost immediately. I had Hep A/B immunizations from travels to Africa and South America, which would help, but in both cases, it was the deception that led to the breakups.

The second man said that he couldn't find relationships by being honest, though I suggested he wasn't having much better luck lying, and that had I caught Hep C without his disclosing he had it, here he can be charged with assault and other crimes.

He and I had a nice chemistry and had he been upfront about it, I would have educated myself and I'm sure we could have figured out ways to be intimate, have a close relationship and work with the Hep C. The deception was what bothered me, because what else could he be not telling me. We've stayed in touch as friends a few times a year, and he has since found a long-term relationship which started with complete disclosure - good on him and good for her. They're happy together.

I had myself tested every 6 months for 2 years to make myself feel confident that I had not contracted their STDs and before engaging in any sexual activity. It was important to me that I knew I was healthy before becoming intimate with another man.

As hard as it is, it's important to be open to telling - and it's incumbent on the rest of us to be open to hearing and accepting. Knowing doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but deception almost always is.

I found that as I got older, I would be more specific in my questions with respect to this subject and if anyone got the least bit defensive, embarrassed or reluctant to discuss, then they weren't for me. I only want men in my life who are open to any subject at any time.

The more we as a society discuss STDs, the less taboo it is. I have friends with HIV and talking about it makes it less of an issue. Remember the 80's, when paranoia had many people afraid to shake hands or even be near with someone with HIV or AIDS? That has changed so much and someone with HIV can live a full life and have a healthy sexual relationship with a partner without putting them at risk.

We just need to talk about it more, get educated and share the information instead of hiding, pretending and judging.

When society can get over the hangups about sex, it can get over the hangups about STDs. A disease is a disease regardless of how it is transmitted, and open discussion allows for open admission, non-judgmental acceptance, and dealing with it positively.

[quote=illustrator;672095]" why do I not see anyone openly talking about STD's? "

Unfortunately, I have an STD. A friend of mine insisted that I meet her friend. I am not one for being fixed up. Well to make a long story short I ended up going out with her friend. We totally hit it off. People aren't always who they say they are.....he gave me herpes and h-virus. He could have been honest & upfront about this. Shame on him, but shame on me...I trusted him and we didn't use a condom. Ironically, I found out after the fact he was stilled married. All I can say everyone will have their judgement day. Now, dating for me is a challenge. A challenge to trust and a challenge to open up. It's scary out there!! I doubt I will find that right one that will accept EVERYTHING about me. SUCKS!!