So -- what's going on here, anyway?!

Outlaw1-


What you mention (as humorous as it is) is not so easily defined. Every single person on these boards catches seriousnessitis at one time or another. We all have buttons and "weak" areas. When some post comes along that hits those sensitive parts of ourselves...we react.


I stick to CSC almost exclusively because it is an oasis in the morass that eHA has become. People do not get overly sensitive, dramatic or extreme in that group. Generally the atmosphere is light, fun and always supportive. People who have terminal seriousnessitis tend to come to the group, post something along the lines of: Why is everyone so silly ? Life is not all laughs, you know! And then they leave.


I boycott the rest of the board, simply because the atmosphere is unwelcoming, combative, and very painful. We are humans, we are works in progress. Unfortunately, I see the board dominated by people who have some SERIOUS work to do on themselves. They are bitter, myopic, confrontational and unwilling to admit that they might have issues. All of that inner turmoil clearly is demonstrated by the tone of their posts and the way in which they interract with others on eHA.


So I stay mainly in the one place on eHA where i know that there are friendly, loving, fun and down-to-earth people. CSC. As a result, many have intimated that the CSC crowd is a clique-or a gang of sorts. It is true that we all rise to each others defense-but that is because we have invested personal time and emotional commitment in each other. As such we are friends...true friends. Friendship brings loyalty and caring.


"Seriousnessitis" seems to be an epidemic on the rest of the board. It was pointed out well in another part of this thread. If EVERYONE is disagreeing with your opinions..maybe its time for self-reflection. Sadly, most of what I have seen shows me that there are far too many posters who would rather swim in their own misery-and try to bring others into their pool of pain-than actually work on making their lives happier.


Why is everyone so edgy? It isn't everyone...its an alarmingly growing number of sad, hurting people who use eHA as their personal means of trying to affirm their own view of what is "true". Sadly, all they do is increase their own misery and cause misery towards others.


I refuse to be swept under the riptide. My life is too good to allow that. My friends are too fine to allow that. If I have caught seriousnessitis here..it is because this topic is something that I do take seriously.

When do you think eha has become worse and why do you think that has happened? I've seen this mentioned by a few but I've only been here about 3 months or less to really know why. I can guess per my experience but Icould always make the wrong assumptions.

Do you think anything can be done about the boards or is it just the wild west? Very painful, yes I understand that. I too have walked thru fire and vented here. Sometimes it helps when people adopt you. And likewise I reckon when we adopt others. Perhaps that's what you do when you invite people to join CSC-you see a potential goodcandidate and say "hey lets have fun online."

Sounds like you guyshave good clean nano bot fun.Yeah I've been hitting themain boards too much lately. It's kinda like an addiction and it sure canbe ridiculous. Lately I've avoided quite a few threads there. You are right, Imiss some of the groups I have joined. There is a lot less tension on many of them.

It comes and goes in natural cycles. There have been times when the board was too wide open, and times when the board (as it seems to be heading now) was far too controlled by people with serious issues. Its like the pendulum of political consensus: One generation its liberal, then it swings conservative. The cherished "Happy Medium" is always a temporary phenomenon.


I boycott the main sections of the board because A) There are no new questions. One can only see a post entitled How Can I Tell Him That I Am A Virgin? so many times before searching elsewhere for communication opportunities. B) There is a growing number of posters with axes ready to grind. I never fault someone who is ignorant if they are willing to listen and then reflect and learn. Unfortunately, there are far too many people populating the main boards (usually under the age of 40-though not exclusively so) who already formed their agendas, answers, and "proof" long before they came to eHA. These folks are either looking for scapegoats, affirmation, or simply a fight. The LAST thing that these folks care to do is examine the possibility that by changing their own attitudes and actions, many of their problems may vanish. Its always easier to blame than to change.



I have been a Mod. and an Administrator on other boards. It is a demanding and thankless job. Lori, has done a very good job of keeping things running while being fair and as non-judgemental as possible. If there were a larger number of active Mods who did the job as Lori does, the problems would decrease marginally. Again-its something that runs in cycles.


As for CSC: Anyone is welcome to come, but if they can't leave bad attitudes at the door, they tend to not stay very long. The name of the Group is AAA Completely Stupid Conversations. Anyone looking for serious debate, or looking to make a "point" about an entire gender is not going to find much interest there. CSC is made for fun, relaxation, support...it is more of a Community (IMO) than eHA proper ever could hope to be.



It *is* an addiction. TPFKAT (The Posters Formerly Known as T-rolls ), pray on our weak points, our emotions and our frailties. They live to cause dissension and misery. I have no need for more of that in my life than exists naturally. So I avoid the main sections of the board. Why bring negativity down on myself?

Would be great if there was a way to reduce friction per the main boards.

Isn't going to happen. Plain and simple.


1. The main boards are too fluid. Posters come and go constantly. In a group, the membership remains somewhat stable. Thus the "core" membership is much more inclined to focus on the good posters and encourage them, as much as throw up a red flag on those who don't seem to want to play by the rules of basic consideration and respect.


2. Friction and the Main Board go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly. Groups are formed specifically to find like-minded people. In CSC's case, that means people who shun dramatics and personal baiting in favor of fun and mutual support. The Main Board is much like Grand Central Station: Everyone coming and going from everywhere. Inevitably you will find two or more someones who will dislike each other. Then the flaming, baiting, and attacks start.


3. The Main Board is focused on giving advice (Dating and Relationships). People who need help-but don't wish to hear criticism or the fact that *they* are at fault in a situation, are more than likely to be the ones who start these wars. Its a defensive mechanism...but it is employed for the wrong reasons: for avoidance of hard truth and self-reflection.


How many times has some blind fool come on the boards with a statement that says: All women are; Why do Men always; How could she......??????? When the facts are played out and it is more than obvious that the poster themselves is at fault......comes the violent and personal reaction/attack. It was less than a week ago that a certain poster resorted to classification of people into two groups Good and Bad. The people who were sympathetic to his tale were "Good People"; the people (mainly women, but also several men) who pointed out that his own shortcomings contributed to his sad state, were classified as "Bad People". The "Bad People" were then responded to with insult from that point forward.


It is not surprising that the majority (although clearly not all) of these "attack dogs" tend to be under the age of 40. Quite simply-they haven't lived long enough to gain life experience that would give them some wisdom. They "know" the answers already, and just want people to agree with them. When that doesn't happen, the personal attacks begin. It is also interesting to note that the women on these boards generally (again not exclusively) tend to be the ones who see very clearly what is and is not true. Age, in this instance, does not seem to be a factor. We have a very wise young lady from near Toronto who is 30 years of age. What she says tends to be thoughtful and usually correct.


But these people are often ignored or disrespected by the ever-growing populace on the main boards who are...frankly: spoiled, blind, brats.

There are a few issues that cause in-fighting I have seen.


1. Generalizations. Men are like this, women are like that, and you're all the same. It also happens with Christians/atheists and conservatives/liberals and young/old posters. It doesn't help anyone understand any individual, just perpetuates the stereotypes, which is utterly useless.


2. Posting a topic as a statement, not a question. I've seen an OP ask a question, then become angry and personally attack those that do not agree with him or her. Then don't ask. Write a blog somewhere. Which brings me to...


3. Don't get personal. Challenge the idea, not the person. I've been told all kinds of nasty things (my favorite was thatI wasa lesser personbecause I was a "breeder"), but I try my best to act like this person I'm responding to will be sitting across the desk from me at my next job interview.


4. Don't assume it's personal. When someone challenges your ideas, they're not (necessarily) saying you're an idiot, they just disagree. Take it as the writing of someone passionate about their opinions, not an invitation to a bar fight.


5. Lurk a bit before posting. There was a big uproar over someone being called a "troll" because the person did not know the local ramifications of that term. Here, it is used to identify posters who frequently switch identities and post inflammatory messages for the sole purpose of causing arguments. If someone is accused of that, it's usuallya reflection of the flavor of theposts, not a judgement of the poster.


6. Read through your post before you hit Submit. Is that really what you were intending to say? Can you say the same thing without appearing so angry?


That's it for me. I just try to get along with everyone, and do my best to not cause them any pain. It's kind of back to thinking my dad is looking over my shoulder, and hoping he would he be proud of what I write.

Can't we all just get along?


Why are tempers so short here lately?


Without pointing fingers at other Members, or turning THIS into a fight thread, can we talk about this, please?

3. It is impossible to not take it personally. 100% of the time someone has criticized or disagreed with me in my lifetime has been with the sole intent to destroy my intelligence and make me feel worthless, weak, feeble, foolish, moronic and no good at anything, especially DATING, so they can laugh at me and have bragging rights. Your results may vary.