womandisciple is offline womandisciple Post #11  September 6,2008, 6:17pm
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The question of whether to tell about my son hasn't come up, because no one has asked me out. Living in the country, I really have no place to meet someone, except online. My job is helping families get services for their children with special needs in upstate NY.


My younger son, Joe turns 15 on Monday. He has Down Syndrome, needs help with all of his ADLs including toileting, so that has been my life for the past 15 years, taking care of him and advocating for his needs, along with raising his 4 brothers and sisters by myself.Joe doesn't speak, but he communicates all the time. It was a tough choice to place him in a school last fall, but it was what he wanted, and he's in a wonderful school with lots of buddies now, so he loves it. The thing is, I'm not dating because no one has asked me. A friend said I wasn't giving off that 'vibe,' whatever that is. Any suggestions?
 
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JonBoy is offline JonBoy Post #12  December 1,2008, 8:57pm
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dmc80809, wrote :

I've just dating again aftermy divorce 4 years ago...I've been corresponding and talking on the phone a bit...had a few dates...and I am struggling with when do you tell them about your child's special needs? I have not been saying anything right away-guess I am trying to see if anything develops after the first meeting (which it hasn't on my side), and I also feel that information about my children is pretty private and not something to discuss immediately.


Any experience with telling before or onthe first date vs. on the second or 3rd date?

Some say I am way to up front in my profile which I edited again to tone it down but being married and knowing what it is all about I prefer being this way. Why beat around the bush? Wasting both of us our time. Here's what I have...






More About Me:
My interests/activities change constantly according to what's happening in and around my life. The only constant is my spiritual interests and my 15 year old daughter when she is with me. Some say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? Maybe a fleshly man, but in my case, when I see you loving my youngest who has a learning disability and her bonding with you too, then at a deep level you have reached my heart. She has to know & feel she isn't losing my love & attention when you become a huge part of my life but, gaining another who loves her as much as I do. I know she will thrive in a blended family if we consider her interests from the get go and then all 3 of us, will have the rich love our hearts desire & need. So unless your heart is wide enough to include her well-being and growth; spiritually, emotionally, mentally & physically, any attempts establishing a marriage between us will be futile.






If we want true love then we must be truthful!


PS Thank-you for starting this group!
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #13  December 3,2008, 5:50pm
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i agree with this...when i initially started this thread, i didnt have much experience with dating, with how to handle all of this...





i am currently in a relationship, where i was upfront before we met about my unique situation...he has had questions and i think he some fears, but he's hanging in there with me...





Dana
 
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cinnamongal is offline cinnamongal Post #14  July 8,2009, 8:00pm
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Ok, here's one for you. I met someone but didnt tell him right away about my son. We IM/emailed for a couple weeks. We went to lunch and after about the first 5 minutes I realized he wasnt the "one" for me. Perfect opportunity to tell him about my autistic son. I thought that would make him run but he was only more intrigued and wanted to continue seeing me. Life is full of surprises I guess...ugh.
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #15  July 9,2009, 1:53pm
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Cinn...I had the same thing happen to me...LOLZ!
 
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don62944 is offline don62944 Post #16  July 26,2009, 8:29pm
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Rookie mistake posted twice, sorry
Last edited by don62944; July 26,2009 at 8:43pm. Reason: posted twice by mistake
 
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don62944 is offline don62944 Post #17  July 26,2009, 8:40pm
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I usually don't get passed the fact I have 2 young kids at home. I have my kids and photos in my profile and at 65 the group 50s&60s move on, their loss. The few coffee dates I have had their special needs come up and that has been the last date even though the kids are doing great, I guess just too scary for some and I respect that. I don’t want to drag things out then have them feel like I was hiding things from me. At times the whole thing is confusing as I was married for 24 years and just to date in general is a challenge. I know there is someone out there that wants to wrap their arms around a very special family while we wrap our arms around theirs, which is what keeps me going. If my kids have taught me anything it is to not give up!
Don
 
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cocobee is offline cocobee Post #18  January 3,2010, 2:24pm
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How wonderful to have found this group and see that I am not the only one with this problem. I have just signed up with eharmony, have children and my third one who is 13 is severly autistic. It has been torture deciding wether to put it down in my 'about me' or not. I want to be complitely honest, as I have described myself as such, but am concerned that most men might not know what autism is and be put off before even trying to know me. It's such a dilema. I would rather explain face to face as I think it's a difficult thing to explain thru e-mails. Reading all your experiences is great and please any more comment or experiences would be great. I am about to start open communication with 2 guys and wondering wether I should mention it then or wait to see if a first date materialises.
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #19  January 26,2010, 5:30pm
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Hi, Coco, and welcome to the group...

Personally, I don't think you have to put any info about your children in your profile...whether they have a disability or not...

How is dating going????
 
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Lottyk is offline Lottyk Post #20  February 21,2010, 6:28pm
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Some people will tell you to do it right off the bat. I disagree. I date casually, and sometimes more than casually. I don't want my daughter getting attached to someone I'm just having fun with. It's a waste of her time. If the relationship is more serious, I let them meet her at two to three months and it takes a good month to even tell them about her. I am so protective of her and I am not looking for a man for my daughter. She has a father. I feel it is a privilege for anyone to know her, so I take my time. Hope this helps.
 
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