srb1968 is offline srb1968 Post #1  July 5,2009, 2:19am
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Hello, my name is Shaun and I've just joined. After being with the same partner for 19yrs (married for 16 yrs) we are now separated and I'm the primary carer of our two daughters including an 11yr old with Aspergers. We have been separated for 3 months now and it is a surprising journey for me. Having a normal daughter going into puberty would be hard enough, let alone our special one. What scares me most is some of her actions, she has high anxiety and is not dealing with it in a health manner. Tics and habits and habits become compulsions. My poor girl will pull out hair to eat the follicles, so has two horrible bald stops forming on top. Then there is the chewing on her fingers to make them bleed because she likes the taste of the blood, or cutting herself with nailclippers for the same effect. Has anyone had to deal with issues with this? This Wednesday I have an appointment with her pediatrician.
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #2  July 7,2009, 2:33pm
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Hi, SRB:

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going thru. My son has suffered with anxiety as well...The hair pulling is not uncommon, especially with girls with autism...

Google and then talk to your doctor about Risperidal. The FDA did a study on autisitc kids, with some impressive results. I was hesitant to put my son on it, but it has changed his life...he is, for the first time, comfortable in his own skin...his obsessive behaviors have decreased dramatically...language has picked up, better concentration...

Hang in there...and make sure you get some respite time too...it makes all of us better parents...

Dana
 
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srb1968 is offline srb1968 Post #3  July 8,2009, 1:41am
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One step at a time. Looking up the support groups is after they finish school this week and I send them off to the grand parents house for two weeks. I'm more concerned about support for my younger daughter as she has it really tough being the sibling of sister with Aspergers.
Then emotional attacks by my ex through her towards me doesn't help either.
 
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cinnamongal is offline cinnamongal Post #4  July 8,2009, 5:22pm
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I agree with the suggestion to get respite care. It is worth it's weight in gold. I havent had those particular challenges but I have a son who loves to act like he's 2 even though he's 7..help!!!
 
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adventure__bound is offline adventure__bound Post #5  July 15,2009, 6:49pm
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Hi, there, I feel your pain! My 10 year old daughter has Aspergers and ADHD, my 15 year old son wonders why our life has to revolve around his sister, and I have been through a nasty divorce with both of my kids coming home with horrible messages for me (from their father and step-mother). We have been divorced 6 years and you would think after all this time, he would deal with it appropriately! After all, he has remarried and I'm the one left with all the tasks of single parenting. It is not easy, that's for sure.

My daughter has extreme anxiety and some obsessive features as well. She used to pull her hair out and chew holes in her shirts just to have something to chew on. She soothes herself with oral stimulation, so we substituted these behaviors with gum and she has done very well. She also went to counseling which helped, in addition to the medication. She still chews on and picks at her fingertips, but not to the point of bleeding. She says they itch...almost like a sensory issue but with an obsessive component. I've given up trying to impact this problem because she has not responded to any type of treatment and she is not actually bleeding, so there does not seem to be any harm at this point.

I think I struggle with giving my son enough of my time and attention so he feels like he's important too. My daughter needs so much from me, and he's older and more independent so he probably is slighted.

Make sure you are involved in autism support groups because they can provide you and both your children with services/supports. They are in your shoes and can brainstorm for ideas based on what they've tried or what has failed. Respite or frequent breaks are necessary. That gives you the time to rejuvenate and stay positive. Rely on your friends and family for help, or church family. I'm very isolated and wish I had this component, but if you can get help with running an errand or having someone pick up that gallon of milk when you realize you have none, it will save you some energy and time.

What has helped me the most is to remember that God will not give you more than you can handle. Have faith in His plan and know you are right where He wants you to be. My Great Aunt told me that God picks the perfect parents for his "special" babies, and I do believe that to be true.

Best of wishes to you, my heart goes out to you and all single parents who have kids with special needs!
 
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Gettin_Thru_It is offline Gettin_Thru_It Post #6  July 17,2009, 7:07pm
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Hi Shaun! I know what you are going thru...and it can be tough. I've been widowed for 2.5 years. I have 3 great kids, with absolutely no supports whatsoever...and yes! it can be so excruciatingly hard sometimes. My middle child (7 y.o.) has Sensory Integration Disorder, OCD, ADD/ADHD and Clinical Depression. She too, does painful damage to herself. Such as pulling all 10 of her toenails out because "they just didn't feel "right" on her toes"...she just didn't like the way they felt. She has also pulled out a few fingernails for the same reason. I will say, with the wonderful help of a Psychiatrist and a strict medication regemine, she has shown some improvement. But, children like ours are a constant handful, a constant worry and so time consuming that our other kids do sometimes feel slighted. I suggest a serious "heart to heart" with the other kids...explaining exactly what needs your daughter has, and perhaps talking with them to brainstorm ways that they can help. A lot of times, kids like to help and it seems to empower them. I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure you can do this!
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #7  July 23,2009, 10:47am
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My son had severe sensory problems...He couldn't touch anything except for smooth plastic...he could eat, he could handle any noises...he also suffered from low muscle tone as well...was afraid of swings, slides, etc...

We put him thru some very intensive Sensory Integration Therapy, managed by a qualified OT...it took time, but looking at hm now, you would never guess he used to have such severe problems...

I have to say that SIT and Applied Behavior Analysis have delivered the most powerful results for my little man...

Dana
 
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