makki is offline makki Post #1  July 4,2009, 5:29pm
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Hi all. I just joined eHarmony. I'm of the older group, 50+, and the single mother of 4 children. Two of my children have high functioning autism. One will most likely be as independent as my other two but one will be with me for a while. How and when do you explain that when the age group you are hearing from are grandparents and/or retiring?
 
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cinnamongal is offline cinnamongal Post #2  July 5,2009, 3:49pm
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I am totally hearing you there. Its like we're in this other category that doesnt quite fit in. How have you been handling it?
 
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cinnamongal is offline cinnamongal Post #3  July 5,2009, 5:17pm
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It is very hard but not impossible. I've had some success but you have to be more careful.
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #4  July 6,2009, 10:02pm
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Hi, Makki:

It can be a little extra challenging dating, finding the right man who will not only embrace your children, but admire and respect you all.

It is possible...don't give up hope or te idea of dating successfully...
 
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srb1968 is offline srb1968 Post #5  July 7,2009, 5:06am
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What about when you are a father, holding down a full time job and still the primary carer of two daughters, one with Aspergers. People seem to find it hard enough to believe that the father could be the main carer, since it is usually the mother. My fear is that any potential dates/partners will run scare at the life they could have to step into, or decide that he would never have the emotional energy for anyone else.
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dmc80809 wrote :
Hi, Makki:

It can be a little extra challenging dating, finding the right man who will not only embrace your children, but admire and respect you all.

It is possible...don't give up hope or te idea of dating successfully...
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #6  July 7,2009, 3:27pm
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Hi, everyone!

This is one of the reasons why i started this board...we all love and are devoted to our children, but desire an adult relationship...this can be really HARD sometimes...

I consider myself a bit of a success story, in the sense that I felt no one would ever want me as a girlfriend, partner in their life...and I was coming upon 50...

When I was dating last year, I would simply tell the guys contacting me right up front what my situation was...Many of them backed away, but in my mind, I didn't want to waste anyone's time, and my children have always been, will always be, the priority in my life.

I did meet a couple of very nice men, who were curious and open to the idea of dating me, despite my unusual circustances....my son is severely autistic with epilepsy and requires a great deal of support, which, thankfully, I have.

Last fall, I meet my current man and he assured me that my son's disability was not a problem, he would be less than shallow to consider it an issue. He has been supportive during the difficult times, and in fact, likes both my children, admires me as a mother...

Oh, SRB, my boyfriend also has primary custody of his 12 year old son...our schedules get complicated, but we make it work so we see each other 1-2x a week....

We have also made an agreement to not blend households, at least for awhile...its important to both of us to not disrupt our children's lives...

So instead of looking at each other with "baggage", we view each other with admiration and respect...

I won't lie...it isn't easy to find someone special, even under typical circumstances, but the one thing I have discovered is my son has made me a more patient person, with a softer heart...I take great joy in small things, take nothing for granted...my boyfriend happens to be attracted to these very qualities in me, qualities I may not have had if not for my son's disability...

So, I want to encourage everyone to not be afraid to get out there and date...yes, you will experience some rejection, but there is someone special who will cherish you, cherish your beautiful children...

Dana
 
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cinnamongal is offline cinnamongal Post #7  July 8,2009, 6:15pm
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I say, let your love for your kids shine and others will see the beauty in them too. If they don't, it's their loss. The right person will appreciate the beautiful gift that is our children.
 
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SamInBax is offline SamInBax Post #8  July 15,2009, 10:16am
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Hi All,

I'm new here, and I've been on eHarmony for a few months now (for a 2nd attempt... tried eHarmony a couple years ago... then took some time off). I've been divorced now for 6 years, and during that time have not dated at all. I live in a lesser populated area, and I'm finding that available quality guys in my age range are limited. But hope springs eternal, and that's why I'm back!

I'm the mom of a soon to be 15 year old boy with Asperger's. (My only child) He is the joy in my life and has come such a long way from his younger years. My hope is that he will be able to lead an independant, quality life as an adult. He even talks about marriage one day. He is at a difficult time in his life with hormones, anxiety, and social issues all stressing him a bit. I do have him in counseling and that seems to help him. He has taught me so much over the years. I am who I am because of him. He is a true blessing.

It's nice to come here and see the great support for the singles of special kids. Sometimes I can feel isolated, and I can't imagine the struggles faced by those of you with several kids in the household in addition to your special needs child, or multiple kids with autism. My heart goes out to you.

As you can see in my profile, I'm not only the mom of an autistic child, but I also work as a para-professional in our school district. Working one-on-one with autistic students. So my life is filled with autism. I'm on summer break right now, giving me a time to renew, and do get some extra things dome around the house.

Later this month, my son & I will be heading to Wisconsin for a visit with family, and do some fun things. We'll be taking in a Brewer's game, as we do every year. We'll head to the zoo, and do a few other fun things before heading back to MN and bringing grandma back with us.

I'd love to get to know you all and here your stories and struggles. Hopefully we can help each other along our journeys.

Blessings,

Sam
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #9  July 16,2009, 3:49pm
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Sam...what a special person you are!

My M is from Wisconsin...and he misses going to the Brewers games...

Have fun and please keep posting here...
 
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srb1968 is offline srb1968 Post #10  July 18,2009, 4:05am
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Hello Sam, it is nice to meet you. We all understand what life is like with our special children. Whether it is a mother with a son or father with a daughter, we all understand what it is like. I think it is through our children that we grow to because such special people ourselves.

I can't offer any advice about how well dating through this site will be since I don't think it will be of any use for me, living in Sydney, Australia I'm a bit far away. But like you say, it is a great place to make new friends who can support each other.
 
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