trippyangie is offline trippyangie Post #1  July 26,2010, 4:40pm
trippyangie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 33

See profile

I am a 21 yr old female who is having a hard time finding a guy who wants to have a relationship and not just fool around. Now all women have experienced this to some degree but I think that there must be some way men decide if a woman is dating material or just someone they want to have sex with. I find myself continuously in the latter category, which is really frustrating for someone who has made the decision to wait. So basically I would just like to know, when a guy meets or sees a woman what makes him say “I’d like to get to know more about her" vs” I wonder how she is in bed".
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 26,2010, 5:07pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,698

See profile

Can you define "dating" in the context of your question?

For myself, perhaps I am too old, but I have largely lost interest in sex unless there is at least some degree of conversational conpetance and shared recreational interests. I will be exclusive quickly.

In terms of not making any serious commitment, such as any economic entanglement, the reasons would be her inability / disinclination to contribute equally, concerns about mis-matching lifestyle, or not maintaining a level of appearance that I am comfortable is matching my sense of importance on this.

***

As a seperate issue, at 21, I think exclusivity is fine, but more than that needs to wait for careers to be established.
 
  Reply With Quote
trippyangie is offline trippyangie Post #3  July 26,2010, 6:06pm
trippyangie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 33

See profile

When I say dating I mean the first steps of a serious exsclusve relationship. I just feel like when men looking at me all they see is sex...no matter how im dressed. and i honestly dont even think im that attractive which is why this is confusing to me. i can get a guy to make out with me but its rare that i ever get a second date.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  July 26,2010, 7:00pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

trippyangie wrote :
I am a 21 yr old female who is having a hard time finding a guy who wants to have a relationship and not just fool around. Now all women have experienced this to some degree but I think that there must be some way men decide if a woman is dating material or just someone they want to have sex with. I find myself continuously in the latter category, which is really frustrating for someone who has made the decision to wait. So basically I would just like to know, when a guy meets or sees a woman what makes him say “I’d like to get to know more about her" vs” I wonder how she is in bed".
With regard to a lot of men.....it's not you, it's him. A lot of men who are out just looking for sex they just aren't at the stage of life in which they want to be in a serious relationship. They want to play the field. With guys like this they really aren't very likely to pursue a relationship (other than a sexual one) with a woman regardless of who she is.

I'm not sure what your motivation for asking this is, but with men who are potentially interested in a relationship I really don't think you should worry about how to appeal to them. Just take your time and get to know them and what they are really looking for.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  July 26,2010, 7:24pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

trippyangie wrote :
I just feel like when men looking at me all they see is sex...no matter how im dressed.
I could be wrong but I think you need to explore this statement. Not matter what the age all men that look at you are not seeing sex.
 
  Reply With Quote
rocchio is offline rocchio Post #6  July 26,2010, 7:34pm
rocchio's Avatar

Life is good!

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2009

Somewhere, USA

Posts: 1,444

See profile

Angie, I am going to try and answer your question. Firstly, I can understand how confusing it is for you. Unlike women (in general), guys will engage in sexual activity with women whom they are only marginally attracted towards and have no intention of "dating" or being exclusive. In short, guys, especially young guys, make the distinction between women whom they would date and those whom they would just have sex (Heck, I hate to admit it, but I'm 45 and I still do that sometimes). This reality does make the whole dating/sex issue somewhat ambiguous.

With the preceding being said, there are guys who would be willing to be in an exclusive relationship with you, for there are plenty of 21 year-old women in exclusive relationships. A lot of it concerns the value you place on yourself. Women on these boards often talk about how confidence in men is attractive. Well, a woman who places a high value on herself is attractive; men are more likely to date a woman who realizes her value. A conversation about what you're looking for early in the dating cycle, while no absolute insurance, can probably help you. If you have fear that such a discussion will scare the guy off, then that guy was only going to bail anyway. I hope that makes sense to you.

Good luck to you!
 
  Reply With Quote
Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #7  July 26,2010, 11:48pm
Avalon1k's Avatar

I live for little moments when she steals my heart again...

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Hawaii

Posts: 1,900

See profile

I always approach each relationship as someone I would like to know. Sex is something that will have to wait for someone special enough for me to marry. I have great respect for women and would never date them "just for sex".
 
  Reply With Quote
trippyangie is offline trippyangie Post #8  July 27,2010, 3:11pm
trippyangie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 33

See profile

I don’t think that I made myself clear in my original post so let me try and explain better. I want to be in a committed relationship. However, I feel that there is something about me that makes men only interested in me for sex. Now I am not trying to say that I have men drooling over me all the time. That’s not what I mean at all. What I am trying to figure out is how I get a guy to look at me and think “I can’t wait to hang out with her Friday night" instead of” I can’t wait to take her clothes off". I have only encountered two types of men...those who are physically attracted to me, and those who are attracted to me intellectually. My problem is the two never meet. I think it’s because of something I am doing however I am at a total loss as to what it could be. My question is not whether ppl think men only care about sex...but rather what makes the women that they do care for different. Roccio I agree, when someone isn’t confident it can be a turn off. Yet its hard 2 be confident when u have the same experience over and over.
 
  Reply With Quote
trippyangie is offline trippyangie Post #9  July 27,2010, 3:13pm
trippyangie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 33

See profile

Also I see a lot of ppl have viewed but not replied. Please tell me what u think...i really appreciate it.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #10  July 27,2010, 4:03pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,698

See profile

trippyangie wrote :
When I say dating I mean the first steps of a serious exsclusve relationship. I just feel like when men looking at me all they see is sex...no matter how im dressed. and i honestly dont even think im that attractive which is why this is confusing to me. i can get a guy to make out with me but its rare that i ever get a second date.

Lack of attraction, lack of compatibility, inappropriate values, and intervening constraint (such as location) are the things which preclude interest in me trying to establish a relationship.

Again, though, I consider 21 far too your for commitment. I have alwasy been exclusive, though.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Love | A Man's Point of view | Two Years Online and nothing to show for it »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Is eH just one big SCAM? Big_Bopper Using eHarmony 32 March 4,2010 8:17pm
When do you decide to start cutting down the list sony12 Using eHarmony 11 February 27,2010 2:36pm
Ladies, do you decide in the first 30 seconds if you're interetsed? And, what are you looking for in a first impression? BigP Using eHarmony 12 February 10,2010 9:20am
Love triangle...I can't decide which guy I want! singinintherain Relationships 6 December 7,2009 9:28pm
How do i decide how long too enroll for? ben27 Using eHarmony 3 October 9,2009 5:06am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Excellent, thank you. I think I will leave out the first part, I think it is unnecessary information to give him. I'm not interested in putting myself out there like that and it might be a little ... ” –  generallyyou

Join the “Ending a friendship” discussion

“Alfred Hitchcock - 18 Steven Spielberg - 62 *notice what?” –  dmi

Join the “War of the Directors” discussion

“ I would be "certain people" :P The issue isn't a deal-breaker, but a very strong factor preference-wise, for me.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“Love Texas Hold'em!.. I'm thinking of trying another tournament this summer...not sure yet though.. Never entered a tournament before, outside of online ones. Personally I prefer to play with ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “Favorite Card Game” discussion

“Make that 3! I also had a crush on Donny Osmond. I think I still have a record or two of his. Suzie ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“Oh, my revised profile can be seen in the forum in the section where you can ask for a profile review. Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“Just remember, everything that you are feeling and/or are capable of he is as well. If he wanted to reach you, he could. Right now he knows that you are hurting, and that this is not what you ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“ Yohio. And the shortened form (Anya) is nice too.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:06am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0