fireheart35 is offline fireheart35 Post #1  September 12,2009, 12:41pm
fireheart35's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 3

See profile

What would you consider a deal breaker when dating someone?

Afterseveral months of dating you get to know your partner better and discover certain things about the person that makes you think "is this someone I want to be with even though they do/have/don't do.....".

For an example, would you leave if you discovered they are not good with money, have a drinking problem, have bipolar (example), not motivated to get more education or a better job, lies, has poor judgment when making important descisions, procrasinates, smokes, flirts, discloses personal information to co workers, etc.


What would your deal breaker be?
 
  Reply With Quote
Robecology is offline Robecology Post #2  September 12,2009, 4:04pm

Cameron and me at Las Vegas 7/10 (in the WAX museum!)

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2008

South Florida

Posts: 341

See profile

The older I get, the more particular I become. I guess that's why I like on-line dating; you can sort out a lot of the deal breakers before you even meet. If you're planning to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want to be on the same page with as many issues as possible. I'm not saying every little detail has to be the same; but little issues have a way of becoming bigger later on.

I was married to a binge drinker and thought that if I just changed my drinking pace to accomodate I could get along - bad idea. 10 years and several al-anon visits later, we finally divorced (05) and I've been fussy ever since....
 
  Reply With Quote
hogrally is offline hogrally Post #3  September 14,2009, 10:08pm
hogrally's Avatar

when it rain its pours.... menzzzz

Virtuoso

Joined: Sep 2008

East of Haines Junction

Posts: 4,948

See profile

I am learning that it is not the big deals....like work ethic, personal habits, ditching your mamma, etc that weird me out becasue it is a deal breaker. It is the small , insignificant, why are we making a mountain out of this mole hill deal breakers that make me shake my head.
 
  Reply With Quote
Robecology is offline Robecology Post #4  September 15,2009, 1:41pm

Cameron and me at Las Vegas 7/10 (in the WAX museum!)

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2008

South Florida

Posts: 341

See profile

hogrally wrote :
I am learning that it is not the big deals....like work ethic, personal habits, ditching your mamma, etc that weird me out becasue it is a deal breaker. It is the small , insignificant, why are we making a mountain out of this mole hill deal breakers that make me shake my head.
Like what? Leaving the cap off the toothpaste? Installing the toilet tissue wrong side up? (my girlfriend and I have a running battle over that one!)?
Look at your needs vs his as preferences instead of "addictions" and you'll compromise more easily. By Addictions I don't mean the usual drug-relevant ones, but "must-haves"; if you don't get "your way" (or he doesn't get his) you suffer "withdrawal" and you WILL make a Mountain out of that molehill. Make the molehill just a minor obstacle (in your head) or better yet, a way to make your ride through life interesting and challenging, and share the strategy with your S.O.; and pretty soon you have no debates; just love.
 
  Reply With Quote
ZenZoe is offline ZenZoe Post #5  September 15,2009, 3:17pm
ZenZoe's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Nashville, TN

Posts: 6

See profile

Small does not necessarily equate with insignificant.

A classmate once shared that her long drawn out personal struggle of wheither to divorce was finally resolved when she watched her (then) husband refuse to share a lick off an ice cream cone with his toddler son on a hot summer day.

Granted there may be many good reasons to avoid that action (sugaring up little germ mongering kids); but the truth which she saw that man communicate to his own child & to her in that moment was his own satisfaction/control was more important to himself than shareing a joyful moment with someone who thought he hung the moon.

Some times our simplest actions, tell a life long story of our heart's truest desire.
 
  Reply With Quote
Robecology is offline Robecology Post #6  September 16,2009, 2:24pm

Cameron and me at Las Vegas 7/10 (in the WAX museum!)

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2008

South Florida

Posts: 341

See profile

YOU SUFFER ALMOST AS MUCH, IF NOT MORE SO, BY TAKING OFFENSE AS BEING OFFENSIVE...
Ken Keyes, Handbook to Higher Consciousness...
 
  Reply With Quote
1Horselady is offline 1Horselady Post #7  September 17,2009, 9:21pm
1Horselady's Avatar

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL THE MAY MEMBERS!

Virtuoso / Chit-Chat Board Leader

Joined: Jun 2008

Somewhere out there

Posts: 4,100

See profile

ZenZoe wrote :
Small does not necessarily equate with insignificant.

A classmate once shared that her long drawn out personal struggle of wheither to divorce was finally resolved when she watched her (then) husband refuse to share a lick off an ice cream cone with his toddler son on a hot summer day.

Granted there may be many good reasons to avoid that action (sugaring up little germ mongering kids); but the truth which she saw that man communicate to his own child & to her in that moment was his own satisfaction/control was more important to himself than shareing a joyful moment with someone who thought he hung the moon.

Some times our simplest actions, tell a life long story of our heart's truest desire.
I get it. Thanks for posting this!! Suzie
 
  Reply With Quote
bretagne89 is offline bretagne89 Post #8  December 13,2009, 8:40am
bretagne89's Avatar

wants to go back to Paris...

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2009

Fredericksburg, VA

Posts: 332

See profile

One time an ex told me I needed to lose 20 lbs for us to continue dating, which would have been just insensitive if it weren't for the fact that I'm 5'8" and 140 lbs. He also demanded that I magically become a blonde and lose my bangs. I realized he was off his rocker about his expectations for me physically. It was the weirdest "relationship talk" to date, so I ended it.

Ironically, he's now dating a blonde girl the size of a toothpick.
 
  Reply With Quote
roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #9  December 16,2009, 5:30am

One crazy day today

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Taking a walk with you in a blizzard

Posts: 576

See profile

If a woman doesn't wash herself often enough and her pits smelled like a skunk in the swamp!

Ok now that I have your attention, as the above is false,
a deal breaker is her personality or lack of one.

Let me explain, if she's mean, if she bullies others, has no sense of humor, is uptight! if she's too harsh and unattentive to her children, etc.
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  December 17,2009, 2:09pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

Yeah-this is the tough stuff.
I'm dating a man who seems perfect for me in many ways-we have so much in common it's almost scarry.
After 3 months I've been using the word BUT quite a bit..and it's really a small thing.

As for ginormous things, like addiction, violence and some mental disorders-well I'm just not as accepting about then as I was when young.

Took a while to find out that I really HAVE NO control over other peoples actions-so they simply don't become part of my life.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« REAL men & feelings | A Man's Point of view | Move on? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
dating and geography cp30 Dating 100 September 22,2010 5:28am
Dating Multiple Partners & Sex parakeetjordan Dating 69 April 2,2010 9:39pm
Full figured women-how to get more out of online dating outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 9 August 14,2009 3:05pm
Is There Something Dating Articles Aren't Telling Women? outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 22 August 12,2009 8:04am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Excellent, thank you. I think I will leave out the first part, I think it is unnecessary information to give him. I'm not interested in putting myself out there like that and it might be a little ... ” –  generallyyou

Join the “Ending a friendship” discussion

“Alfred Hitchcock - 18 Steven Spielberg - 62 *notice what?” –  dmi

Join the “War of the Directors” discussion

“ I would be "certain people" :P The issue isn't a deal-breaker, but a very strong factor preference-wise, for me.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“Love Texas Hold'em!.. I'm thinking of trying another tournament this summer...not sure yet though.. Never entered a tournament before, outside of online ones. Personally I prefer to play with ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “Favorite Card Game” discussion

“Make that 3! I also had a crush on Donny Osmond. I think I still have a record or two of his. Suzie ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“Oh, my revised profile can be seen in the forum in the section where you can ask for a profile review. Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“Just remember, everything that you are feeling and/or are capable of he is as well. If he wanted to reach you, he could. Right now he knows that you are hurting, and that this is not what you ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“ Yohio. And the shortened form (Anya) is nice too.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:06am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0