Schanachie is offline Schanachie Post #1  September 10,2009, 9:13am
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I am needing some advise as I am baffled. I met a really cool guy on eharmony, we went through the guided communication, corresponded, flirty texts, emails, telephone calls then planned a casual meet that last 8 hours. I kept giving him an opportunity to end the evening if he chose, but even when changing venues, the witty banter, conversation, ease of speaking to each continued to flow. He was sweet, funny, quirky and affectionate. He even walked me out to my car and continued to talk, laugh and kiss for another hour. Then he has disappeared. He said he looked forward to my emails and yet, has now not responded. I have kept everything funny, light, entertaining. Even made a joke of the silence. I refuse to make an assumption, but I am blown away. I haven't dated in 20 years and dont remember things being so complicated back in the day. I am honest, kind and positive. I am clueless as to what happened. Any speculation?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  September 10,2009, 11:52am
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Well, there's the old cliche 'He's just not that into you'.

But you haven't said how long it's been since you've heard from him.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #3  September 10,2009, 3:18pm

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None of us live in a relationship vacuum; and you probably didn't have a chance to discuss each-other's pasts. Chances are he was close to/almost done with/nearly ready to quit/ (take your choice) his ex, when she (his almost ex) begged and pleaded to have him back. Look at the experience as a learning one for both you and him; and "close" the match (physically and mentally) and start over. If he decides to call, be sure to probe the "what ifs" so you're not double-dumped!
 
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Schanachie is offline Schanachie Post #4  September 10,2009, 7:17pm
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I could accept the "he's just not that into you" concept if he didn't keep prolonging the date, wanting to speak to me, sitting next to me in a booth as opposed to across from me, initiating affection, etc. 8 hours is a long time to spend with someone and again, I was having a blast, but kept giving him an out to leave and he continued to talk, flirt, etc. He did tell me about his prior relationships, a marriage and a prior EH match, both of which ended terribly. He kept telling me the entire time we were communicating OL and then in person how attracted he was to my emotional intelligence, my communication and positive demeanor overall. We had talked about getting together later in the weekend and he told me to text him any plans I came up with and the only response I have gotten was that he needed to take a raincheck to handle some issues with a rent house, which I understood. At the end of the weekend, I called him (as he told me to feel free to call anytime) and let him know what a great time I had and shared with him a quick funny comment about something that we had been talking about earlier in the weekend. Then nothing. It has been 6 days. After 5 days of no communication, I sent him a breezy, funny email (as he had complimented me continually about how much he loved my correspondence) and encouraged him to communicate. I closed the note with the comment, "if my mojo's a no go, just say so!" because his EH profile was very adamant about needing and wanting open, honest and forthright communication. At this point, I am just going to fade off into the sunset, but the "incommunicato" position is a killer. Knowing how crummy it feels, I will never do this to a guy. Ever!
 
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zxc is offline zxc Post #5  October 22,2009, 9:27pm
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You've raised lots of issues and factors. It seems clear he found you attractive, but it's hard to say why he kept avoiding further contact. It could be your eight hour date was too much too soon. It could be that he was still emotionally stuck. It could be his trust of women was lacking. It could be he was just testing the waters and found he wasn't ready to date. It could be all of those things and more, or none of those and something else. I would tell you this...you seem a very intelligent, warm and caring woman. What happened doesn't change that, and frankly, you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes things work out; sometimes they don't. I can tell you've thought a lot about this...so you've done the introspection that gives you greater insight. Some of that insight will take more time to manifest itself. In the meantime, I think you should feel good about yourself for caring enough to want to understand what happened. If you want to talk more...I'd be glad to.
 
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