benna667 is offline benna667 Post #1  September 6,2009, 2:53pm
benna667's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

O.K. I am new to this and don't even know if anyone can give a little advice:

I met a man 3 years ago divorced with 3 kids I too divorced with 3 kids...He moved in about six months later (OK I know way too soon!) anyway, he ia the absolute greatest guy, did everything around the house, helped with the kids, We get along great together...Have our alone time and every other weekend is turns into romper room but I thought things were good. both our ex'es have been trying to seperate us and we still came together. Anyway, about 6 months ago we started arguing about everything, he starts drinking alot more than normal...3 months ago leaves for a week...continues to say he loves me (mind you I have been wearing a ring for almost 2 years)comes back in June, I agree to get a german Shepard puppy thinking he needs something more (all he's wanted for 3 years) Now he becomes angry at my kids, me, my attitude, my family, my friends...Says that all we've done is take advantage of him and his help. no one respects him here, which is nonsense...Anyway he has been gone for over a month, and I have been trying to work things out. Is it time for me to say enough? Do I give him more time? What do I say to my kids who ask for him every day???? open to any advice, i do love him, i actually thought he was my soulmate and if i told you half the stuff we have gone through you would be shocked...
 
  Reply With Quote
Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  September 6,2009, 5:23pm
Laughingdaily's Avatar

Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 626

See profile

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like he was not ready for all the many things that come with a relationship.

When a person of either gender is emotionally charged during the early stages it is often very easy to think one can do anything.

Not being objective and allowing emotions for ones partner to disable ones own logic is a frequent occurance.

This is a hard lesson and there are no easy answers. Maybe think about moving on and do what is best for the children involved.

Just my humble and experienced opinion.
 
  Reply With Quote
Seneca is offline Seneca Post #3  September 7,2009, 6:24am
Seneca's Avatar

a Dios

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 230

See profile

Well, "benna"...

His behavior surely is enough to raise an eyebrow and maybe generate the "move on" reaction - but there is one thing in your description that raises a flag indicating things might not be totally his fault.
Like women, men can "take off into the Blue" for a number of reasons but, with a man, if the reason given is a "lack of Respect" - it's without question time for you to listen to him and take several long, clear-eyed looks at your own behavior/attitude.

It is also time to NOT go to others asking them how they think he should feel/act/think. It is time for you to listen to him - and don't even dream of telling him "Nonsense" (as you described him in your post). because to him, it isn't nonsense at all - it's as real as his heartbeat.

If you care about this guy less than you are pretending and you want to dump this guy - go ahead and do it - but don't blame him - admit that you are trashing him to suit yourself because that is exactly what you'll be doing.

If you do care about him - get him to explain/explore why he feels no one there respects him - and then go to work on fixing what you can.
However...
...."fixing what you can" is NOT telling him he is wrong or nonsense or too sensitive. It is NOT arguing with him about. It is NOT telling him what your girlfriends or the people on eHarmony think about it. It is YOU taking his concerns seriously and working on correcting things with/for him.
The very instant you say or think his concerns are "nonsense", or "his imagination", or "his problem", or "silly" - you confirm that what he is saying about you is absolutely true and you are absolutely Guilty.

Good Luck
 
  Reply With Quote
yvrs0926 is offline yvrs0926 Post #4  September 8,2009, 5:38am
yvrs0926's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 18

See profile

Anyway, about 6 months ago we started arguing about everything, he starts drinking alot more than normal...

This is all great advice but the first thing that stood out with your description was his drinking more than usual. For me having been with 3 yes 3 alcoholics, this behavior seems all too familiar. Everything would be great, communication would be wonderful then wham you have no idea what hit you. The only characteristic that is different with him is he is drinking alot more. Where did this come from? What did you do wrong? Why isn't he being rational and trying to work this out calmly? These are all the things that went through my mind. Is it the same for you? Anything you say to him doesn't seem to be getting through. They all wanted to get into a relationship/living together quickly after just a few months of bliss. Almost like they could not hold up the act any longer. Just beware and go slow. Especially if he is getting angry with you and your kids.
 
  Reply With Quote
boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  September 8,2009, 3:15pm
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile

That's terrible. You moved in a person into your home that you only knew for 6 months. You're right, that's too soon.
If his drinking is the cause of his jerkiness, then you have to leave this relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Why would younger guys ask out older women? | A Man's Point of view | Why would younger guys ask out older women? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
39 and single not where i thought i would be poeticrhythm70 30 somethings 4 September 25,2009 6:24pm
a thought about love by Bonnie Raitt pussinboots Relationships 3 August 14,2009 7:11pm
I thought this was an advice forum? OverAnalyzer Using eHarmony 26 July 21,2009 10:26am
Finally found my soulmate avatarmd Ask a Dating Expert 10 July 20,2009 4:50pm
I had a thought... littlebluemonkeymind AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 42 June 29,2009 7:27pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Excellent, thank you. I think I will leave out the first part, I think it is unnecessary information to give him. I'm not interested in putting myself out there like that and it might be a little ... ” –  generallyyou

Join the “Ending a friendship” discussion

“Alfred Hitchcock - 18 Steven Spielberg - 62 *notice what?” –  dmi

Join the “War of the Directors” discussion

“ I would be "certain people" :P The issue isn't a deal-breaker, but a very strong factor preference-wise, for me.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“Love Texas Hold'em!.. I'm thinking of trying another tournament this summer...not sure yet though.. Never entered a tournament before, outside of online ones. Personally I prefer to play with ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “Favorite Card Game” discussion

“Make that 3! I also had a crush on Donny Osmond. I think I still have a record or two of his. Suzie ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“Oh, my revised profile can be seen in the forum in the section where you can ask for a profile review. Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“Just remember, everything that you are feeling and/or are capable of he is as well. If he wanted to reach you, he could. Right now he knows that you are hurting, and that this is not what you ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“ Yohio. And the shortened form (Anya) is nice too.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:06am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0