pixiepaint is offline pixiepaint Post #1  August 15,2009, 8:26am
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The human heart dares not stay away too long from that which hurt it most.

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I have a man that I have known forever. It's one of those "Our parents were friends" so I'd say we've been friends since we were 11. We've always been able to talk and enjoyed the same things but when we were younger he was MUCH more interested in settling down than I was so we never dated. He started dating a girl that became increasingly ugly about our friendship. I knew he was smitten so I gradually dropped out of the picture so his girlfriend would stop nagging about me.
He and I reconnected after 20 years. We can still talk about anything. We can laugh about the same things. We can make each other laugh our way out of a bad mood. We enjoy the same things. I'm ready to settle down.
He is, again, unhappily married.
He talks to me about not being financially able to leave her right now. (I guess the 1st wife took him to the cleaners) He has said how much he would like to take our friendship further when he gets away. In the mean time he is trying not to cause more problems than they already have. (LOL Like telling me he wants me isn't making a problem!)
I would be interested, IF HE WERE SINGLE.
What do I do with him since he's not?
 
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Teerose67 is offline Teerose67 Post #2  August 15,2009, 8:54am
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PixiePaint,
It sounds like you're already interested, or you wouldn't be asking the question. I suggest really keeping it just friendly. Don't get wrapped up in it, because you will be more likely to cross a line you don't really want to cross. Honestly, he sounds like someone who just needs somebody to take care of him. What's this "can't afford to" stuff? That means he's DEPENDING on his current wife to take care of him. Do you want him to transfer that dependence on to you? He was looking for it as a young 'un, and it seems he's still looking for it today. Does he want to leave the wife because they aren't a good match? Or because he wants you? Those are 2 very different things. If he really wants to leave her, he needs to restructure his life to live within his means. Then he can offer himself to you with no strings.
Good luck!
Teerose67
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #3  August 15,2009, 4:48pm
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i am willing to bet that you already know the answer to that...
 
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pixiepaint is offline pixiepaint Post #4  August 15,2009, 5:13pm
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The human heart dares not stay away too long from that which hurt it most.

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LOL
I know I should stay away from him physically! I've never knowingly dated a married man and won't start now! (Yes I was fed the "I'm divorced but I don't want to hurt her by flaunting you" line when I was 20 and fell for it. But I was gone the moment I found out the truth!)
I suppose I wonder if I should I stop talking to him until he resolves his issues? I hate to cut out of his life when he seems to need a friend.
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #5  August 15,2009, 10:04pm

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pixiepaint wrote :
LOL
I know I should stay away from him physically! I've never knowingly dated a married man and won't start now! (Yes I was fed the "I'm divorced but I don't want to hurt her by flaunting you" line when I was 20 and fell for it. But I was gone the moment I found out the truth!)
I suppose I wonder if I should I stop talking to him until he resolves his issues? I hate to cut out of his life when he seems to need a friend.

Life is short. You have to decide what is best for you. Can you live with yourself if you cut him out of your life right now and never saw him again? Don't listen to anyone but your heart.
There are no rules in love. You can stay
friends with him but you might have to move forward at the same time.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #6  August 16,2009, 12:54pm
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If he is unhappily married - resolving that situation needs to be his first - and only - priority. He may feel trapped financially but, if he is unhappy enough, he won't care about the finances.

He and his wife owe it to each other to either resolve their marriage issues or get divorced. He owes it to YOU - as a friend - to NOT drag you into his mess. If he trul;y wants you (or anyone) he should get his divorce matters settled and then begin anew.

You do not owe him ANYthing. As a friend, you should NOT give him a secret little nest where he can hide from his marriage problem.
As long as you (or someone else) gives him a hiding place he will not face and resolve his problem...and facing/resolving that problem is the key that is necessary to his having a fair chance at a happier life.
 
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