Being fair with $$ in the relationship?


View Poll Results: Is it fair, wise, cool, excellent, or dumb, uncool, unwise to share bills for S.O.'s
Totally fair, great idea 3 60.00%
Probably fair. but 2 40.00%
Not very fair; (S)he makes... 0 0%
Not fair at All; I support my (wo)man 100% 0 0%
Voters: 5. You may not vote on this poll

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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #1  July 23,2009, 11:18am

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I think I have the best solution for a fair way to share once you've reached the S.O. (significant other) stage. You share your expenses (NOT counting gifts, of course) based on the percentage of your income to the total of both your incomes!. So if S.O. 1 is making $60 K and S.O. 2 is making $20K, S.O. 1 pays 75% of all bills, S.O. 2 pays 25% ( 60/80 = 75% 20/80 =25%).
Fair?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  July 23,2009, 12:10pm
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I presume you're talking about bills while living together?

What if one moves into the other's house? Should they pay part of the mortgage?
 
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Lisa4fellowship is offline Lisa4fellowship Post #3  July 23,2009, 1:16pm
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I beleive people should live within their means even if they are in a significant relationship. Whatever a person was responsible for before the relationship, they can remain responsible for. If two are now going to share expenses in one home, it should be ballanced so that they simply pay half of everything they paid for before the relationship. If one earnes less money, and they chose to keep the home of the greater expense, the one who originaly owned it should continue to pay the difference. Otherwise the ones who earnes more, can learn to adjust to less extravagant taste if he/ she wants the partner to be able to afford to pay 1/2 without causing his/ her own expenses to increase from what they were before the relationship.

There are so many problems that result from financial disagreement in relationships. I think this is realy a worthwhile topic and I'm curiouse what others have to say about my comment. So let me know.

Take care,
Lisa
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #4  July 23,2009, 6:00pm

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My responses in bold and red.
Lisa4fellowship wrote :
I beleive people should live within their means even if they are in a significant relationship. Of course; that's the point of the thread Whatever a person was responsible for before the relationship, they can remain responsible for. (now that can be unfair; I'm assuming with the percentage plan that both have bought in to a new place; if not, then of course if the two chip in for a mtg/rent that one established first, you most likely have to keep track of that in the event of a breakup to consider paying back at least what they put in) If two are now going to share expenses in one home, it should be ballanced so that they simply pay half of everything they paid for before the relationship.(but don't you see simply paying half is unfair to the person with lower salary?) If one earnes less money, and they chose to keep the home of the greater (or lesser?) expense, the one who originaly owned it should continue to pay the difference. Otherwise the ones who earnes more, can learn to adjust to less extravagant taste if he/ she wants the partner to be able to afford to pay 1/2 without causing his/ her own expenses to increase from what they were before the relationship. I guess my idea is referring simply to present bills; not investments ie. a place, a mortgage. That takes different planning. If you saw the 2nd sex in the city remember how uncomfortable Carrie felt because Big was buying the entire place? If you're going to plan to buy/start rent on a new place, then the smart call is simply the ratio of SO 1 salary and SO2 to the total. That's the only totally fair way to go.

There are so many problems that result from financial disagreement in relationships.(precisely why I started this thread; it seemed almost unmentioned til now) I think this is realy a worthwhile topic and I'm curiouse what others have to say about my comment. So let me know.

Take care,
Lisa
 
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Lisa4fellowship is offline Lisa4fellowship Post #5  July 25,2009, 12:19pm
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Robecology wrote :
My responses in bold and red.

Hi,
First, If two people are committed enough to buy a house together they should be committed enough o marry. Then if they break up, they can sort the ownership of the house in a divorce decree.
If one person owns a house, and the couple chose to live in it, whatever they contribute to the monthly house payment should just be considered shared rent as a normal living expense. That’s an expense we all incur during adult hood, and a romantic relationship shouldn’t be considered a "mooch off you" arrangement. There shouldn’t be anything to pay back if they break up.

As far as the utilities, again, I see these as normal expenses we all incur as adults, and each person should share the expenses equally. Each person had to pay utilities before the relationship, I see no reason why that should change during a shared living relationship. If one person is having difficulty affording bills before the relationship, I suggest they pursue more income, not a "mooch off you" relationship.
I believe each person should pay their own car payments. Drive a car within his/her budget. If a significant other wants to buy the other a car, it should be one that is paid in full. There should not be future payments required, carrying a claim that requires the recipient to pay for it if they break up.

If the couple buy furniture or other items together, they should agree to either share the expense equally, or agree before hand what percentage each will pay. If they are not married, they both obviously chose to live with an agreement to leave at any time, and therefore they should agree in writing, (so nobody forgets) to:
A - Sell the furniture and other items, receiving back the depreciated revenue according to the percentage spent by each partner.
  1. Agree ahead of time, to allow each person to keep certain items, agreeing ahead of time upon the purchase of each item, who will keep that item if they break up. Writing each agreement down so that nobody forgets.
Gifts should never have to be returned, or repaid.
Loans should never be done.

There is nothing unfair about earning less income than another person. One has to live within their personal budget when they are single, and should continue to do so when they are in a relationship. If one person’s income is higher, and that person’s lifestyle far more extravagant, are the two are actually compatible? They could probable agree that the one with less income simply contributes the amount he/she previously paid on his/ her own bills, and the one with the greater income will pay everything beyond that. (owing nothing)

Lisa
 
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Lisa4fellowship is offline Lisa4fellowship Post #6  July 25,2009, 12:34pm
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I apologize for my rushed entries, and typo’s. I will take more time and pay more attention from now on. So I may not say anything for awhile in any of the threads because life has gotten pretty hectic with some major issues with my ex-husband.
Take care everyone!
Lisa
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #7  July 25,2009, 5:47pm

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Lisa; Thanks for replying; and you didn't have to make public apology for rushing; I just tried to suggest that if you're careful and concise with your posts more read them. (so far very few have read either yours or mine!!

You seemed to go in some detail which was hard to follow; and that's precisely why a lot of couples get in trouble. It's rare that two people make exactly the same or have the same financial tastes; that's why I wanted to share what has worked fabulously with me in past relationships. We'd rarely fight about bills because this percentage thing makes so much sense; I'm sorry it doesn't do it for you! Be sure to vote in the poll!
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #8  July 25,2009, 8:09pm
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Robecology wrote :
I think I have the best solution for a fair way to share once you've reached the S.O. (significant other) stage. You share your expenses (NOT counting gifts, of course) based on the percentage of your income to the total of both your incomes!. So if S.O. 1 is making $60 K and S.O. 2 is making $20K, S.O. 1 pays 75% of all bills, S.O. 2 pays 25% ( 60/80 = 75% 20/80 =25%).
Fair?
I definitely expect we'd have to work out a budget and stick with it. I'm actually quite unskilled with managing financials. The only ones which work are where I set up regular payments to come out directly after I receive my pay into my bank. If he's amenable to it, I'd prefer that he be responsible for accounts (in his name) and we set it up that either the payments come from my income, or my pay goes into an account which we don't touch and the bills are paid from that. When I say 'my' money, I mean anything which I get paid from work etc.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #9  July 27,2009, 7:25pm

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My responses in red
meri75 wrote :
I definitely expect we'd have to work out a budget and stick with it. I'm actually quite unskilled with managing financials. All the more important reason to do a simple percentage; remember; the percentage is just for shared bills! If you or he decide you want full ownership of the place either of you has moved in to; then it's all yours (or his/her) bill; but all utilities, food, etc can be shared this simple precentage way! The only ones which work are where I set up regular payments to come out directly after I receive my pay into my bank. (this sounds like smart skilled financial management to me! If he's amenable to it, and a lot of guys are not amenable to a percentage; they think 50-50 is fair, but it's not! Especially if he's earning a lot more than you which unfortunately is still usually the case in our so-called gender liberated society! I'd prefer that he be responsible for accounts (in his name) and we set it up that either the payments come from my income, or my pay goes into an account which we don't touch and the bills are paid from that. by the percentage formula; smart and simple! When I say 'my' money, I mean anything which I get paid from work etc. and anything left over once you've paid the shared bills is your money....
and if you do the percentage thing, I bet you'll have more of your own money!!!!.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #10  July 28,2009, 12:41am
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Thank you.

I don't have an SO currently, certainly something to look into if/when that comes about.
 
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