A question for men in their forties and fifties


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jlf1964 is offline jlf1964 Post #1  July 16,2009, 12:13am
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I have noticed that most of the men in my desired age range tend to close me almost immediately (40 to 52). I also seem to attract men who are in their mid to late 50s. For my own reasons I am not interested in men more than 7 years my senior or more than 5 years my junior, even if they are "young" or "mature" for their age. As you can see from my pic, I don't look older than I am...matter of fact I get told by people all the time that I look anywhere from my late twenties to early thirties. I can't help but wonder if men in their forties are hoping to get matched with a twenty something to prove to themselves and the world that they still have game...and the fifty somethings are interested in me for the same reason. I really hope not but would like the honest truth from you guys.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #2  July 16,2009, 11:21am

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My replies are in Bold, and black;
jlf1964 wrote :
I have noticed that most of the men in my desired age range tend to close me almost immediately (40 to 52). I also seem to attract men who are in their mid to late 50s. (and this 60's guy is impressed, too!) For my own reasons (like? ) I am not interested in men more than 7 years my senior or more than 5 years my junior, even if they are "young" or "mature" for their age. As you can see from my pic, I don't look older than I am...matter of fact I get told by people all the time that I look anywhere from my late twenties to early thirties. (and I'm 63 and look 40; so what do I do?!) I can't help but wonder if men in their forties are hoping to get matched with a twenty something to prove to themselves and the world (a few sickos do this) that they still have game...and the fifty somethings are interested in me for the same reason. (if you expect the worst, you generally find it...) I really hope not but would like the honest truth from you guys.
Here's the honest truth from a much older guy. First of all, there's no trying to "prove"anything; we've tried reunions and met, chatted, danced and even dated the ladies near our age, and, at least with me, they can't keep up. Proving things is for the young boys. Those of us (like you) with youthful genes are almost handicapped for the same reason; we too get "closed" simply because the "age difference is too great". What we'd like you who are not necessarily younger but youthful women to consider is;
1.Our maturity;We've been there, done that; so older fellas really tend to be wiser, gentler, kinder....
2. Our success; We're well established in our careers, close to that retirement pension, the kids have grown and are on their own; so we're ready to devote 100% to you...
3. Our experience; expect the best from us, because we see the young boys playing games that we stopped playing a while ago...finesse is perfected in the older gents...

All I can say, in conclusion, is give an older gent a try. You might be in for a very pleasant surprise...keep your guard up, of course, like you would with any date; but do consider the older fellas.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #3  July 17,2009, 5:56pm
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Robecology wrote :
Here's the honest truth from a much older guy. First of all, there's no trying to "prove"anything; we've tried reunions and met, chatted, danced and even dated the ladies near our age, and, at least with me, they can't keep up.
Here is verification from someone who is even older than Robecology (almost 70). What he says is "right on". Those of "advanced age" who are healthy and active have learned that it is nearly impossible to find a mate of similar age who can "keep up".

Most (not all) women in their fifties tend toward sedentary interests and therefore have sedentary capabilities. Any vigorous activity is out of the question for the vast majority (in my experience). I have met a few, VERY few, women in their fifties or sixties who can actually participate in, let's say, demanding canoeing, mountain biking on hilly terrain, even hiking at a brisk pace for reasonable distance.

What shall reasonably fit individuals do – become sedentary and watch television – leave the women at home – OR find a partner who can participate with us (regardless of age)?

This is a sore topic for some women who are "older" (forties and fifties) and who complain, "All men want younger women". To me that suggests inability to compete with more capable or desirable women (and resentment for men who choose more able competitors).
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #4  July 17,2009, 6:37pm
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[quote=JDavid;677585].


Here is verification from someone who is even older than Robecology (almost 70). What he says is "right on". Those of "advanced age" who are healthy and active have learned that it is nearly impossible to find a mate of similar age who can "keep up".

Most (not all) women in their fifties tend toward sedentary interests and therefore have sedentary capabilities. Any vigorous activity is out of the question for the vast majority (in my experience). I have met a few, VERY few, women in their fifties or sixties who can actually participate in, let's say, demanding canoeing, mountain biking on hilly terrain, even hiking at a brisk pace for reasonable distance.

What shall reasonably fit individuals do – become sedentary and watch television – leave the women at home – OR find a partner who can participate with us (regardless of age)?

This is a sore topic for some women who are "older" (forties and fifties) and who complain, "All men want younger women". To me that suggests inability to compete with more capable or desirable women (and resentment for men who choose more able competitors).[/quote]


I wholeheartedly agree!
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #5  July 17,2009, 6:37pm
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Robecology wrote :
My replies are in Bold, and black;
Here's the honest truth from a much older guy. First of all, there's no trying to "prove"anything; we've tried reunions and met, chatted, danced and even dated the ladies near our age, and, at least with me, they can't keep up. Proving things is for the young boys. Those of us (like you) with youthful genes are almost handicapped for the same reason; we too get "closed" simply because the "age difference is too great". What we'd like you who are not necessarily younger but youthful women to consider is;
1.Our maturity;We've been there, done that; so older fellas really tend to be wiser, gentler, kinder....
2. Our success; We're well established in our careers, close to that retirement pension, the kids have grown and are on their own; so we're ready to devote 100% to you...
3. Our experience; expect the best from us, because we see the young boys playing games that we stopped playing a while ago...finesse is perfected in the older gents...

All I can say, in conclusion, is give an older gent a try. You might be in for a very pleasant surprise...keep your guard up, of course, like you would with any date; but do consider the older fellas.

Great post!
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #6  July 30,2009, 6:20am
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What we'd like you who are not necessarily younger but youthful women

Well, put!
 
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deepblueyes is offline deepblueyes Post #7  August 1,2009, 7:27am
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would like to weigh in on this "age" issue.

I think there's a grain of truth to all the contributions made here lately.

As a 50ish woman who has been told she looks and acts 40ish -- it has been a dilemma for me. I have a tendency to agree that perhaps in some cases age is just a number. Having said that -- it is disheartening to see pics of alledged matches (the few that I get) who repeatedly remind me of my father (too Freudian for me)

jlf1964 has some good points as does Robecology.

my personal take on this is that older men (50ish) are sometimes more mature and even keeled than younger ones - however -- it all depends on the work they have done on their own issues. Have they been able to grow thru the divorce? Have they come to a happy compromise with their kids? Did they have kids when they were older -- so the kids are still young - or are they out on their own?

I have dated guys around my same age - some were stuck still acting and living like they were in a frat house, some couldn't find a balance between work, kids and dating, others were interesting in dating only eye candy.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is no broad brush with which this subject can be painted. I think that you need to evaluate each person on an individual basis -- with being older can come wisdom - lets use that to our advantage. Be keenly aware of behavior, language and interests that belies the reallity of the situation.

DBEs
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #8  August 1,2009, 11:01pm
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deepblueyes wrote :
would like to weigh in on this "age" issue.

I think there's a grain of truth to all the contributions made here lately.

As a 50ish woman who has been told she looks and acts 40ish -- it has been a dilemma for me. I have a tendency to agree that perhaps in some cases age is just a number. Having said that -- it is disheartening to see pics of alledged matches (the few that I get) who repeatedly remind me of my father (too Freudian for me)

jlf1964 has some good points as does Robecology.

my personal take on this is that older men (50ish) are sometimes more mature and even keeled than younger ones - however -- it all depends on the work they have done on their own issues. Have they been able to grow thru the divorce? Have they come to a happy compromise with their kids? Did they have kids when they were older -- so the kids are still young - or are they out on their own?

I have dated guys around my same age - some were stuck still acting and living like they were in a frat house, some couldn't find a balance between work, kids and dating, others were interesting in dating only eye candy.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is no broad brush with which this subject can be painted. I think that you need to evaluate each person on an individual basis -- with being older can come wisdom - lets use that to our advantage. Be keenly aware of behavior, language and interests that belies the reallity of the situation.

DBEs
Great post! Beware of generalities....At 56 I find a fair number of men in my age group who are in terrible health and want nothing more than to eat and sit on the couch. I also find men who are so obsessed with being fit that they can talk about nothing else and spend 6 hours/day working out. Somewhere in between are the guys I'd like to meet!
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #9  August 10,2009, 10:15am
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You want the truth, the real truth, and nothing but the truth???
I'll soon be 42. A man. And while I don't have an active profile on EH, in the real world, I've hit my peak or climbing toward it. I have and can date women of all ages...and I don't have anything to prove. I've dated and have had more success in the past 5 years than I ever did for the 20 years before that! Couple that with a stable and successful career, 2 children, complete contentment and happiness being and living alone, well...that makes me very choosy. The MAJORITY of women my age; I'm not attractive to. This sounds shallow, yes, but many women in their 40's look much older. Because I can and do attract women in their 20s and 30s AND that I have no interest in a LTR or marriage, then well...you have your answer.
(If you disagree with my choices, that's fine. Please keep your mean replies to yourself. I hope you took more than anger out of my Honest reply)
 
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deepblueyes is offline deepblueyes Post #10  August 10,2009, 11:52am
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Bocca,

I think its fine that you date women in their 20's & 30's with you being in your 40's and all. And that it seems to be working for you. That's great. Is it working for the women that you are dating?
May I ask a question(s) -- what on earth do you talk about? what are your interest points that you have in common?

I myself have dated guys 7-10 years younger -- and I have to say -- it was fun but pretty superficial if I was to be honest--but not up for consideration in the long term. I'm no cougar.

Are your dates aware that you are not seeking a LTR?

Just wondering.

DBEs
 
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