Can men and women just be platonic friends?


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #81  April 9,2010, 2:07pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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My opinion.....men and women can be friends without having a sexual relationship. However, that friendship will always be different than a male-male or female-female friendship. Just the fact they're each of a different sex is going to create a different dynamic within the friendship.

Also....I think it's very common for one of the two to have a romantic interest, even if the other is unaware of it.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #82  April 13,2010, 6:41am
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jayjay wrote :
My opinion.....men and women can be friends without having a sexual relationship. However, that friendship will always be different than a male-male or female-female friendship. Just the fact they're each of a different sex is going to create a different dynamic within the friendship.

Also....I think it's very common for one of the two to have a romantic interest, even if the other is unaware of it.
I never really had one before.

They've always been husbands of friends, guys at work, or friends of my husbands. Never anybody.....just for me.

I am working at developing one now. I do see the value in having one, because of the different dynamics you speak of. But I'm finding it difficult, at best. I'm not quite sure what I want with one, and not at all sure I can keep one in the dreaded Friend Zone.

Throw the romantic interest into the mix.....I'm having serious doubts it's going to work for me.

j8a
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #83  April 13,2010, 7:34am
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I've had a male friend, same age as myself, for nearly 4 years now and it has always been platonic. He was also single at the time and we went out a lot, traveled abroad together, shared the same room and bed but nothing sexual ever happened as neither of us have ever felt like that towards each other. If I was feeling down, he would drive up to me, even in the middle of the night, with a pizza and a bottle of wine and we would talk for hours. I can always call if I have a problem I want to have a man's opinion about. He is now happily married and has a baby and I was invited for both the wedding and the christening. I still see him but not as often as before now he has a family.
 
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ANDR3W is offline ANDR3W Post #84  April 14,2010, 5:21am
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The main problem I have with platonic relationships is that they do not fulfill my needs for a meaningful friendship or for physical intimacy. My needs are best met in the context of a romantic relationship. Given that I am already in de facto platonic relationships with the wives and girl friends of my close friends it makes no sense for me to court more platonic friends. Is it wrong to avoid platonic relationships if they don't meet your needs?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #85  April 14,2010, 8:19am
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ANDR3W wrote :
--snip Is it wrong to avoid platonic relationships if they don't meet your needs?
No, you get to pick your friends! lol

One of the nice things about gay people for a hetero is you can have opposite-gender friendships that really, you know for sure it's platonic and will stay that way.

I've had a number of platonic male friends, one of my best friends now is male, but there is always a slight reserve that's not there with women or gay men. Just keeping it clean and clear.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #86  April 14,2010, 4:17pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
One of the nice things about gay people for a hetero is you can have opposite-gender friendships that really, you know for sure it's platonic and will stay that way.
I think you're right. I think those are the ones that worked best for me.

j8a
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #87  April 15,2010, 7:50am
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I was hoping that men and women could have a platonic relationship, but after watching When Harry met Sally I guess at one point one or the other would develop feelings for the other...so what's wrong with that? You are already friends you might as well go for the gold and be in love...why delay the inevitable?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #88  April 15,2010, 8:53am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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landstar59 wrote :
I was hoping that men and women could have a platonic relationship, but after watching When Harry met Sally I guess at one point one or the other would develop feelings for the other...so what's wrong with that? You are already friends you might as well go for the gold and be in love...why delay the inevitable?
If both want to take it to a romantic relationship then it's all good. The problem is when it's only one person who wants to do so. If the other doesn't then it can ruin the friendship. I think of the question 'can men and women just be platonic friends?' to be more one of whether it's possible for them to be friends without one or the other having or developing a romantic interest in the other.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #89  April 15,2010, 10:26am

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my best friend is a straight guy.

he freely admits that he thought i was hot and totally wanted to bone me when we first met. now we are just too brother/sisterly it would be really awkward and wierd.

he also says that he'd still bone me if I ever gave him the green light, but that's more about him being a guy than any special attraction to me now.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #90  April 15,2010, 11:25am
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jayjay wrote :
If both want to take it to a romantic relationship then it's all good. The problem is when it's only one person who wants to do so. If the other doesn't then it can ruin the friendship. I think of the question 'can men and women just be platonic friends?' to be more one of whether it's possible for them to be friends without one or the other having or developing a romantic interest in the other.
I think in my case it would be easier for me to be just a platonic friend with a guy...especially if he is already unavailable....I just have this thing about things that are already spoken for....and I do know alot of women who don't care either way. As for what Scarlet said about her friend above....yeah, he has let his "bone" do the thinking for him. I don't think women have that problem as much, at least I don't let my sexual urges control the outcome.
 
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