Can men and women just be platonic friends?

This may be a stupid question but what are platonic friends for? And what is there to be gained from having an attractive platonic friend anyway. My closest friends are some of my classmates and frat brothers from college, and my platonic friends are mostly their girlfriends and wives as well as my female coworkers. None of my best friends are female, this is because sexual tension is not a good basis for a friendship. Also you can speak more openly with your male friends then when your in mixed company. Am i wrong to to feel this way?

Yes, you are wrong! : ) I like the way a man's mind works. I like getting to the heart of a matter, so I have many guy friends. I'm attracted to a majority of them, nature of the game. But I value the input, the varied thinking, the humor.

I have the friends that i have because we share many interests in common, and we enjoy each others company. All of my close friends are male, I can talk openly to them about anything without fear of hurting their feelings, and i understand where they are coming from most of the time. Women are different, you have to measure your words more carefully around them to avoid hurting their delicate feelings, and i almost never understand where they are coming from. Compounding this problem is the fact that it is hard for me to talk to an attractive woman without the idea of sex intruding into my mind at some point, what am i supposed to do about that? Telling a man not to think about sex is like telling a fish not to swim, or telling a kangaroo not to hop, it simply doesn`t work. This brings to mind an old saying: "A woman looks to one man to fulfill her every need, but a man looks to every woman to fulfill his one need." This is the sad truth of the matter, sex really is important to most guys. Women own sex because women own all of the vaginas, so if you are interested in having sex then it is necessary to get to know them and try to understand them. I agree with much of what you have said, but i have one question. When you say "You need to open your eyes and explore the world more fully." What do you mean exactly? How does being involved in a platonic relationship help one open their eyes and explore the world more fully?

Andrew: I have been reading this thread and then went away to ponder it all and have now returned to answer you.

Since you keep asking for whys? and explanations? I either (1) have to consider this a serious query on your part or (2) consider that you are trying to justify your current behaviors and attitudes towards women. But since I don't know you I will give you the benefit of the doubt first and try to answer your query as best as possible.

It is possible to have platonic relationships between men and women. But as noted in all of the posts, the relationship has to be one where both parties are mature enough to get beyond the physical nature between men and women to explore the uniqueness between us emotionally and spiritually in order to learn from it. It definitely is not an easy quest and involves mutual respect for each other.

Now I am sorry but I have to expound on why you are not getting this concept. You are currently swimming in a little fish bowl wondering why there are others who keep saying that there is more to this platonic relationship business. They are swimming in the great depths of the ocean and are speaking from that realm but you can't understand because all you can see is the little world you are in. Your perception is limited by the shallowness and smallness of your environment and you can't grasp what they are talking about. You have to look beyond yourself to see and understand. You will need to listen to the wisdom of others who are swam where you are and have moved on to bigger and better things in their lives. This involves change and willingness on your part to do this though.

You are stuck in adolescent grade school behaviors and ideas where your little head constantly rules your big head. You are running around like an animal only interested in meeting your base needs, like a cave man going ugh ugh. Since you are stuck in the world of meeting your own needs continually, of course you are unable to understand women or get to know them from a nonsexual point of view. You are being superficial with women in order to make a conquest and have little respect for them. Women's feelings are no more delicate then men's are. Yes, women are different that is what is great about us. We are a lot more than a vagina as men are more than a penis.

And if all men had the same attitudes as you then we would have to move back to a culturally backwards society where women have to be at home because all the men are animals out there and we need to be protected from the likes of you. What if my boss thought like you do? I could not respect nor work for him because he would always be looking at all the women in my office as meat.

Then you cry I cannot help myself...you have that little of control over your thoughts and actions?

The reason you have no control is because you don't want to....it is all about pleasing yourself and meeting your own selfish needs. When you start thinking about others and esteeming them above yourself and your needs, then you will make the effort to control your thoughts and behaviors. You will show respect and have integrity towards others and yourself. Do you have a sister (s)? Would you want men looking at your sister (s) and treating them like you do? I hope not or you are a man to be most pitied.

In a few years you may eventually learn that this current type of existence is shallow and that you could have enjoyed such depth and richness to your relationships that you missed out on with all the women you have known. It is an effort to get to know us and understand us but that is the fun and joy of it all. That is part of the adventure.

But why change? It is easier being a cave man going ugh ugh, grunting and farting with all your male friends.

But, if you truly are serious and want to understand then start looking beyond yourself and your own needs; esteem others greater than yourself showing them integrity and respect. Gain control of yourself - both thoughts and actions. Make the effort to learn about our uniqueness, not for the purpose of making a sexual conquest, but to sincerely get to know who and what we are about.

I am sorry if I seemed hard on you. The truth is sometimes hard and ugly. The first step towards change is knowledge of where you are and acknowledging where you need to go. The journey may not always be easy but it is worth it. Do you want to stay stuck in that fish bowl the rest of your life or do you want to swim in the vastness of the ocean? It may seem safe and fun to stay where you are but you will miss the beauty and the wonders to behold as well as experience by staying in your own little world. But then of course you wouldn't know what you are missing. It is your choice.