Can men and women just be platonic friends?


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calypa is offline calypa Post #21  July 21,2009, 5:17pm
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My best friend is a man I've known for 19 years. He's a big ole teddy bear, and is the big brother I never had growing up. He's never "made a move" on me (yes, he's "very" straight), I haven't made a move on him. We don't agree on everything (even went to rival colleges), but we're family, for all intents and purposes.

So... the answer is, "YES."
 
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Andrewthecarrotman is offline Andrewthecarrotman Post #22  July 22,2009, 3:54pm
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Absolutely they can be friends. There just has to be no sexual relationship between them. Which is usually easiest with people of the opposite sex that you grew up with. People like my sister or the "sister that I always wanted"
 
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ANDR3W is offline ANDR3W Post #23  July 23,2009, 5:57am
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meri75 wrote :
One of my early-on partners would get occasionally violent. As you may imagine, this did cause some damage in being able to trust men or wanting them in my vicinity etc. It is through my male friends that my capacity to trust men has been repaired.

His thinking process seems to differ to mine and he brings to my attention scenarios I haven't considered. I find this one mostly occurs in relation to work. At first, I thought it was due to experience (he is seven years older); until I noticed it was the same with other male colleagues. Their insights have definitely contributed to my successfulness in my role.

The former, the qualities are there. Is it even possible the other way around? I mean, from what I've read and been told by others, it would be difficult for a man to have a non-sexual friendship with a woman he sexually desires?
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations?

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.
 
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Andrewthecarrotman is offline Andrewthecarrotman Post #24  July 24,2009, 9:04am
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Mine in Red

ANDR3W wrote :
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Trust doesn't have to be complete trust that you should have in a partner. BUT a male platonic friend is able to exemplify those of us who aren't jerks (to put it politely).Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations? You got it. Be a human being.

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.
I agree completely with the last paragraph, and eventually you will lose the desire in non-sexual friendships (if it was there at all)
 
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MikeyU is offline MikeyU Post #25  July 24,2009, 12:52pm
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Hi all...brand new to EHA.

My personal experience is that, yes, it is very possible. My best friend is a female and we've been pretty much family and inseparable for the past 15 years. When things started out, there were some possibilities of romance and whatnot, but it just didn't click with us. So we settled for being best friends and it's worked out perfectly. She's happily married with two wonderful children, I'm on extremely great terms with her husband and I"m "Uncle Mikey" to her children. I'm her big brother she never had, and she's my little sister I never had.

I've been a part of her family since we met, know her parents, sister and her extended family. My holidays include her family as well. I've had several working relationships with females that have evolved into similar circumstances.

On top of it all, I'm on speaking/friendship terms with 99.9% of my ex-girlfriends as well. I just don't believe that just because you don't make it as a couple that you can't make it as friends. Most of my active friendships are with women and most of them are happily married. When the crap hits the fan and they need an ear, I'm there.

I did have my (one) moment where I almost destroyed a happy marriage. Vowed to never do that again. Now I'm doing my best to keep my friends married because I believe in commitment and vows. I was raised that way and I believe in the importance of marriage. I've never been lucky enough to find that one special one that can put up with all my idiosyncrasies to get married, but she's out there...somewhere.

I'll also say that, in a couple of my relationships...my girlfriends did feel a bit intimidated by me having a female best friend. It does take a bit of working to get them to accept her and her family. So...there is a catch to it as well.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #26  July 24,2009, 8:40pm
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ANDR3W wrote :
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations?

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.
It was just how they were with me, how they behaved. It's hard to try to describe what it was really. I know that my history with my ex was never seen as 'baggage' ... that perhaps is where there is a big difference. Definitely later partners were hesitant to hold hands, hug, kiss and some of them weren't able to move beyond it at all. The fact that they wanted to be with me without being with me sexually told me strongly that I wasn't being viewed as 'poor' Meri, or that I was less of a woman.

Hmm ... perhaps it depends largely upon the dynamic of the two people involved. If the man were always being put to use doing jobs or whatever, I wouldn't call that a platonic friendship. Not unless he happened to like doing those kinds of things.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #27  July 24,2009, 8:46pm
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Andrewthecarrotman wrote :
Mine in Red

Originally Posted by ANDR3W
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Trust doesn't have to be complete trust that you should have in a partner. BUT a male platonic friend is able to exemplify those of us who aren't jerks (to put it politely).Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations? You got it. Be a human being.

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.

I agree completely with the last paragraph, and eventually you will lose the desire in non-sexual friendships (if it was there at all)
Yes, that is what they were able to achieve.

Isn't that fairly normal with a lot of friendships? I mean, very few people I considered my friends ten years ago are my friends today. It's not that we had any major falling out, just that we moved in different directions (and I relocated) and the friendships just kind of fizzled out and new ones began.
 
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Andrewthecarrotman is offline Andrewthecarrotman Post #28  August 3,2009, 5:39pm
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meri75 wrote :
It was just how they were with me, how they behaved. It's hard to try to describe what it was really. I know that my history with my ex was never seen as 'baggage' ... that perhaps is where there is a big difference. Definitely later partners were hesitant to hold hands, hug, kiss and some of them weren't able to move beyond it at all. The fact that they wanted to be with me without being with me sexually told me strongly that I wasn't being viewed as 'poor' Meri, or that I was less of a woman.

Hmm ... perhaps it depends largely upon the dynamic of the two people involved. If the man were always being put to use doing jobs or whatever, I wouldn't call that a platonic friendship. Not unless he happened to like doing those kinds of things.
I do not know about the baggage part. If I were dating you I would view they way you react as 'baggage.' Everyone has a past, but you mentioned that some of the guys that you dated after that could not get beyond a point of kiss, etc. I believe that everyone has a past and deserves to have those experiences color their viewpoints of the world. BUT, there is definitely a point to where the past from the ex is transferring over to our relationship. At that point, I would definitely demand that it at least begin lessening in severity. At that point, it is becoming a trust issue in OUR relationship (presuming we were dating, of course)

Baggage doesn't make you lesser or a worse person than someone else, but your partners should not be someone else's mistakes. Good luck, and I hope that you never run into a situation where it would be a trust issue.
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #29  August 5,2009, 2:41pm
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Two of my bestest friends are female. They are different and I value them tremendously. I will add that we had dated in the past, it didn't work out, and I have met and hung out with them and their new partners. I have no romantic interest in them and really appreciate their feminine perspective and qualities.
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #30  August 5,2009, 10:39pm
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It's possible but only if both people feel absolutely no physical attraction to each other. So many times one or the other in a so-called platonic relationship is secretly hoping for "more" and gets hurt when that doesn't happen.
 
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