Full figured women-how to get more out of online dating


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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #1  July 4,2009, 9:57pm

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Rejection is a large part of any man's life. We get used to it; it's like breathing oxygen. Women on the other hand, are the ones doing all the rejecting. Then when women join online dating-especially E Harmony where most race to close out matches, often women for the first time in their lives, feel the full brunt of rejection.

That can be difficult for anyone's ego, heart, self-esteem and soul. Men learn to cope with it by equating it to sales-you have to make 100 phone calls for 1 or a few sales. Same thing per dating for us. We ask, ask, ask, ask, ask; well you get the point.

Are BBW women attractive? Yes. Are BBW desireable? Yes. Se xy? Yes. Good in bed? Yes! :P Some are very sensual, romantic and make the best keepers. All humans are not only biased, but reject potential mates for any one personal reason {or a few, maybe you remind them of someone, or maybe they reject you for your haircolor, your job, education or lack of, etc} out of a 1001 total potential reasons.

She can be the best looking woman, but if she puts the man into an early grave with a heart attack, what good does that do? Rather some of us men learn to let the younger men get the heartaches. We search for the keepers who have great personalities, are fun to be with & actually like men.

Think of it more as a marketing problem. Online dating {and dating in general} is like a job search. Knowing the rules, packaging yourself to what prospective buyers want {men want a kind woman, low maintainence, a friendly woman who won't always verbally insult the man, a woman who isn't a biotch, etc} and needs and a positive attitude will go far in this game we call online dating.

Remember, if your online dating strategy isn't working, you don't have to quit. Just take a step back and see how perhaps you might be able to emphasize one or a few attributes most men want. Trust me, online dating and dating in general is frustrating for men. And as much, for different reasons, to women.

I wish you the best of luck!

c2009 sei all rights reserved
bbw & online dating, ok to copy for noncommercial usuage if credit if link is supplied to this group
Last edited by outlaw1; July 4,2009 at 9:59pm. Reason: c notice
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #2  July 5,2009, 3:14pm

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Maybe a better title for this would be "BBW-you are more attractive than you know it."

But we can't edit titles of threads anymore. Cie La Vie.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #3  July 5,2009, 8:45pm
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outlaw1 wrote :
Rejection is a large part of any man's life. We get used to it; it's like breathing oxygen. Women on the other hand, are the ones doing all the rejecting. Then when women join online dating-especially E Harmony where most race to close out matches, often women for the first time in their lives, feel the full brunt of rejection.

That can be difficult for anyone's ego, heart, self-esteem and soul. Men learn to cope with it by equating it to sales-you have to make 100 phone calls for 1 or a few sales. Same thing per dating for us. We ask, ask, ask, ask, ask; well you get the point.
Ok, just taking a tangent of what you just said about ask ask ask..... in sales (where I was "successful" to my standards but not my district mnagers) and in life, reverting to ask ask ask = don't care don't care don't care. Alternative (what I did for 25 years) was study study study (total aversion to dating). I cared so much about what the girls thought, rejection was devistating. Not that I am much different now (TBI wiped out inhibition thankfully), I still care incredibly, and it still hurts, but chemically somehow I am able to mostly refresh every day (still feel / sense the pain, but is somehow numbed... lucky me) . Not suggesting you should go wack yourself on the head and spend years learning talk, but has given geat insight into both sides. I cannot recommend enough that women take initiative. If they don't experience pain, they will never know why men are as they are.
Just my .02
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #4  July 9,2009, 11:56pm

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Hey you like me are an hsp-a highly sensitive person. Check out Elaine Aron's book Highly Sensitive People. Did you know hsps usually have a high intelligence?

Ok back to here...ugg district managers can be rough. Anyhoo yeah at one point I was so paraylized [spelling] by the "honey is everything ok?" and caring way too much.

I had gotten it beat into my brain that it was the man's job [thanks media for that "lessen"] to insure a woman enjoyed herself. So I set out to learn as much as possible.

Of course in a few years you know what the next dating advice was? "Men are caring too much that it's interuppting the woman's sense of having fun. So back off some men and let your woman have fun..."

I'd better stop here! I hate "dating advice" by so called experts. It's like fear and paranoia mixed together. "Anyone got a match? I have to light some gasoline on fire..."

Oh now full tangent coming on...
then there was the 1980s [or was that the late 70s?] "be more sensitive to women" dating articles. Followed up a few years later [natch] that men had become too sensitive and caring! Women started rejecting the whole is the guy caring enough routine.

Ok wheewh!@ Thank Zeus I escaped that tangent...back to here....I feel ya and thank you for the great advice. I love talking to a woman. You can delve so much deeper into an issue than with a guy buddy. Even if it's only about the news.

I think I'm going to start a National Group-Ranters annonymous... Hey seems like you are introspective enough to have learned a great deal.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #5  July 10,2009, 12:02am

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Oh forgot, yeah I agree with you 100%. Women do need to take the initiative a lot more. Dating has changed and she who waits, loses out.

Btw my sales anology wasn't meant to dehumanize women. And I understand you are coming from a place of caring. I guess for me it's the frustration.

I used to be really shy. I'd go out to a dance club and kinda wait on the sidelines. Then I'd get my confidence up and just get out there on the dance floor.

But I still wasn't the most confident guy there. Some times I'd go to a nightclub and not even get a dance on with a woman. Other times I'd just figure "let me ask the next 20 women to dance."

Mostly that didn't work. So my buddy G [his parents were from South America so I always expected him to be more outgoing on the dance floor. But like me he also could be a wall flower at times.] while in Hoboken, discovered the best "pick up line." Ok it was my discovery but he was my wingman.

Simply just give out honest compliments and walk away. Unless of course she wants to talk to you. And it worked! Not only that but it leaves the man feeling great about himself. And many times since it's an original compliment ["hey I love that broach on your sweater"] the woman was feeling grand too.

I've seen so many women's faces light up with an honest compliment where nothing was expected.

Bottomline and getting back to this topic-yes women need to be more assertive per online dating.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #6  July 10,2009, 6:00am

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I still stand by my "weight loss bet" idea. If any overweight person has a S.O. (significant Other) and you're both employed (I know, getting rare these days...) instead of nagging or promising, make a bet, per pound lost. Not only an instant motivator (if you do it on a weekly basis; daily's a bit much) but a maintenance motivator; if [s]he gains it back [s]he owe you $$. Google "obesity in USA in past 20 years" in the "images" section and be prepared for a shock...I can try to give you the direct site, but EH usually blocks it, but here goes; http://www.weight.com/obesity_2001.gif
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #7  July 10,2009, 6:38am
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outlaw1 wrote :
Oh forgot, yeah I agree with you 100%. Women do need to take the initiative a lot more. Dating has changed and she who waits, loses out.

Btw my sales anology wasn't meant to dehumanize women. And I understand you are coming from a place of caring. I guess for me it's the frustration.

I used to be really shy. I'd go out to a dance club and kinda wait on the sidelines. Then I'd get my confidence up and just get out there on the dance floor.

But I still wasn't the most confident guy there. Some times I'd go to a nightclub and not even get a dance on with a woman. Other times I'd just figure "let me ask the next 20 women to dance."

Mostly that didn't work. So my buddy G [his parents were from South America so I always expected him to be more outgoing on the dance floor. But like me he also could be a wall flower at times.] while in Hoboken, discovered the best "pick up line." Ok it was my discovery but he was my wingman.

Simply just give out honest compliments and walk away. Unless of course she wants to talk to you. And it worked! Not only that but it leaves the man feeling great about himself. And many times since it's an original compliment ["hey I love that broach on your sweater"] the woman was feeling grand too.

I've seen so many women's faces light up with an honest compliment where nothing was expected.

Bottomline and getting back to this topic-yes women need to be more assertive per online dating.
That's some of the best advice I've seen yet. Do you think it would work as well with men? I mean, who doesn't like a compliment especially when it could open doors.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #8  July 10,2009, 6:40am
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Robecology wrote :
I still stand by my "weight loss bet" idea. If any overweight person has a S.O. (significant Other) and you're both employed (I know, getting rare these days...) instead of nagging or promising, make a bet, per pound lost. Not only an instant motivator (if you do it on a weekly basis; daily's a bit much) but a maintenance motivator; if [s]he gains it back [s]he owe you $$. Google "obesity in USA in past 20 years" in the "images" section and be prepared for a shock...I can try to give you the direct site, but EH usually blocks it, but here goes; http://www.weight.com/obesity_2001.gif
Money doesn't motivate some people such as myself. I need it for the necessities to live but if you were trying to motivate me you better try love and sweet nothings. Can't you figure out that is why it hasn't worked for you and your S.O. yet?
 
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calypa is offline calypa Post #9  July 21,2009, 4:21pm
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Robecology needs to get a better approach, get someone who's already "fit" (and maybe not as lovely INSIDE) or dry up. #1, he's OT on this thread, in my opinion. #2, he may not have asked how he could HELP his lady get slimmer - work out with her, show her how to work out, offer to cook a healthier meal to show her how it's great and that he cares. See how that's different? What lady wouldn't try harder with the "partnership" approach?
 
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LilMissSunshine is offline LilMissSunshine Post #10  August 14,2009, 3:05pm
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Robecology wrote :
I still stand by my "weight loss bet" idea. If any overweight person has a S.O. (significant Other) and you're both employed (I know, getting rare these days...) instead of nagging or promising, make a bet, per pound lost. Not only an instant motivator (if you do it on a weekly basis; daily's a bit much) but a maintenance motivator; if [s]he gains it back [s]he owe you $$. Google "obesity in USA in past 20 years" in the "images" section and be prepared for a shock...I can try to give you the direct site, but EH usually blocks it, but here goes; http://www.weight.com/obesity_2001.gif
That was eye opening! I live in Chicago and work in Humboldt Park at an elementary school 2 years ago we had a 100lb Kindergarten student. That area of Chicago has the highest rate of childhood obesity and diabetes. Its shocking as a recovering food addict, I am stunned by what is happening I thought it was just me who had to battle food and the slow suicide the addiction facilitates but its our whole gluttonous nations EEK!.
 
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