Women are not used to rejection (per EH & online dating)


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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #1  June 26,2009, 4:13pm

Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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{The below was a response to an eha member. This is not meant towards any of the fine ladies here. Feel free to disagree and/or discuss. I'm not an Oracle!}
_________________________________________

My ex-wife is 5' 4" and weighs 110lbs. She's a size 4. My ex-girlfriend is a little shorter and weighs 130lbs. I can't recall her size? Maybe a six? The woman I dated before I met my ex-wife was about 5' 7" and "healthy." Maybe she weighed 160? I have no idea what women's sizes mean.

Women join E Harmony, get rejected a number of times within a week or month and then vent here that men are all shallow.

Men, on the other hand, get rejected by women 50,000 xs or more [counting all the times men say hello to strange women who then run for the hills!]

For us it's like breathing air and drinking water. We are used to it and can get rejected many times in one day. Women on the other hand aren't used to this rejection that they encounter at E Harmony.

Thus their math then becomes men are shallow and/or jerks. Mothernature is much smarter than any single human being-woman or man.

Blame Mothernature, not men. Walk in our shoes for a year and your views will be greatly changed. Both genders, including myself, judge the other gender using OUR gender prejudiced opinions.

Example men I think, unconsciously judge women's personalities based upon how our men friends personalities are [is she logical, friendly, mean or too ditzy?] Women judge men based on how women's values are..plus our height [that's #1] and our salary. A man's weight isn't as important to women as a woman's weight is to men. My examples aren't perfect...just an attempt to show how we perceive the opposite se x.

We are all prejudiced whether we admit it or not. The only question is to what degree?

Old Chinese fortune cookies:

"women who say they beautiful & thin but not show face have reason for that"

"men who boast too much either not make much money or too small down there"
Last edited by outlaw1; June 26,2009 at 4:15pm. Reason: buzz off
 
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Lisa4fellowship is offline Lisa4fellowship Post #2  June 27,2009, 3:23pm
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ok outlaw, I must rebuttle!
Even though you were only giving examples. For the fun of it. I'll rebuttle.
I most definately DO care if a man is over weight. Especialy if it's one I'm going to be involved with ( I won't even go there, actualy), and if he's going to wear pants that don't fit and neglect to wear a belt, forcing a display on the public eye.

Then there's your comment about women like me, who chose not to display pictures randomly on the internet.
How many times do we hear about photo shop work placing faces on porn?
Have you read the comments about attractive women who are supposedly full of vanity, dependence, vulnerability, unintelligent, hahaha, and any other negative thing that might come to mind. HEHEE, except being "The candy shop".( fun fun)

Oh don't get me wrong. These comments realy are said in fun. And I know there are some people who claim to be attractive and exclude their picture for other reasons. So I realy don't blame you for that suspicion.

I personaly am confident in who I am. If a person wants to take the time to get to know me, and we find out we make good freinds, I'll send a picture so my freind can know who I am as if we met in person. I'm not wrapped up in trying to "gain responses" by what I look like. That's actualy THE LAST THING I WANT.

Take care,
Lisa
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #3  June 28,2009, 9:04am
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I'd have to agree with some of the points in that OP. For many women, online dating is the first time they've ever been rejected, and it's an eye-opener. The tone of some of their posts suggests that rejection definitely takes some adjustment.

Looking at the big picture, I don't think it changes the balance of things in the dating world. eHarmony is one of the few sites where there is somewhat of a level playing field. Most other sites still allow women to have the leverage without experiencing too much rejection.
 
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hagar101 is offline hagar101 Post #4  June 29,2009, 5:47am
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This morning I rejected about twenty five women and feel no guilt whatsoever.
It really bothers me that on another site women put in no photo and in answer to the basic questons put down "I'll tell you later". What would possibley touch my soul so that I would want to respond to this non profile.
To say men are shallow a woman must not see the real world very often. (We used to say , "they don't let you out of your room much do they?"
If a man is in a bar and sees a table with four women at it and he want to dance, JUST dance he has to pass the test of all the women at the table. Haveing been rejected more than once in this situation after one rejectes you there is NO point in asking any of the others. THE TABLE has decided You are not fit to be around any of them.
A lone man is at a dissadvantage with women because they are more shallow than men in that one lady at the table says no and it becomes unaimous.
When a woman goes to the mens table, a very rare thing, she will get a dance partner unless she would make a Freight Train take a dirt road to avoid running into her. It doesn't matter if her first pick isn't in the mood or tired after six dances in a row, one of the other men will make it obvious that he is wanting to dance. he won't go back to her table unless asked, he normally wont through you down on the dance floor and rape you. He got his dance and if you enjoyed it we expect some subtile knod to say your ready again. then you talk, if the music is too loud and either find a common ground or a reason to part.
Women and men are VERY different creatures!
Sadly they still live in different worlds too. women are so much more complex than men that we are at their mercy 95% of the time.
Now that I'm past sixty I have no need to chase women. I still love them, and can, make love three or four times a week. but I'm like the old lion in the LA zoo, I'm right here! If they want to play they know where the plaground is. It doesn't have to be about sex anymore maybe dinner or put the top down and ride in my Porsche. My lat wife used to say convertables should be named Pervertables because like Tequila the top down gives a freedom to just let the wind and fresh air carress your body. It must be like me rideing my cross bones in a tee shirt, a little riskey but, invigorating. and that's all I have to say about that! hagar101
And it all started by wanting just to dance!
women complain that men don't dance, I wonder why this happens? hagar101
 
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amy2778 is offline amy2778 Post #5  June 30,2009, 10:08am
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I agree women have a hard time with rejection in general. I think the women with low self-esteem have the hardest time. The may take things personally when they aren't meant to be taken that way. Personally, if a guy's not into me I'd much rather know as soon as he does. I don't want to date someone who isn't fully into me.
 
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cfibl is offline cfibl Post #6  July 3,2009, 7:58am
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outlaw1 wrote :
{The below was a response to an eha member. This is not meant towards any of the fine ladies here. Feel free to disagree and/or discuss. I'm not an Oracle!}
_________________________________________

Women judge men based on how women's values are..plus our height [that's #1] and our salary. A man's weight isn't as important to women as a woman's weight is to men. My examples aren't perfect...just an attempt to show how we perceive the opposite se x.

We are all prejudiced whether we admit it or not. The only question is to what degree?

Old Chinese fortune cookies:

"women who say they beautiful & thin but not show face have reason for that"

"men who boast too much either not make much money or too small down there"
I definitely agree that a man's height is a huge factor for women, at least in the US. Although salaray and bank account I think is bigger b/c if you're loaded you can overcome just about an deficiency when it comes to women. Anyway, back to the height thing, I'm a pretty short man - 5'6" - and women in the US mostly treat me like I'm a lepper b/c of it. Sounds silly but I'd sell my soul to be a whopping 4" taller.
 
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leftalone is offline leftalone Post #7  July 3,2009, 11:38am
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Very interesting theory...I agree that men and women perceive and interpret things from an entirely different vantage point, especially rejection.

Men are by nature, structurally based, logical, and to a point, not emotionally driven. Women, on the other hand, are EMOTIONALLY - based, and make most of our "male - related" decisions based on that premise.

We do not put our everyday rejection experiences in the same basket as the "rejection by selection" basket. Online dating is at best a modern -day answer to the growing need for finding/meeting someone who meets our specifications.

Take it from someone who knows, there are men and women on these sites who have done an analysis of what type of man/woman can be used for what purpose.

Gentlemen, with all due respect, both men and women, who commit to a monogamous relationship, anticipate their will be no rejection in any areas of the relationship

Both men and women feel the pain of rejection. The difference may be in the way we handle it.

Left Alone
 
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leftalone is offline leftalone Post #8  July 3,2009, 11:42am
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Very interesting theory...I agree that men and women perceive and interpret things from an entirely different vantage point, especially rejection.

Men are by nature, structurally based, logical, and to a point, not emotionally driven. Women, on the other hand, are EMOTIONALLY - based, and make most of our "male - related" decisions based on that premise.

We do not put our everyday rejection experiences in the same basket as the "rejection by selection" basket. Online dating is at best a modern -day answer to the growing need for finding/meeting someone who meets our specifications.

Take it from someone who knows, there are men and women on these sites who have done an analysis of what type of man/woman can be used for what purpose.

Gentlemen, with all due respect, both men and women, who commit to a monogamous relationship, anticipate their will be no rejection in any areas of the relationship

Both men and women feel the pain of rejection. The difference may be in the way we handle it.

Left Alone
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #9  July 5,2009, 11:14pm
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Outlaw, once again, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. Disgusted with women that complain about how men make themselves emotionally unavailable, my first question is "how many guys have you asked out in your life?" Inevitably the answer is usually less than # of girlfriends I have ever had (and I need less fingers to count them all then I have). We all "sell" ourselves. Advise to girls when they marke themselves (place ad), is get in the buyer's head / be the buyer. Find what it is like to put the heart on the choping block and have it hacked to shreds. Only when you have done this will you know why most are like they are. Sorry, I have no pity for girl who refuses to take initiative. None Zero Zip. Kinda harsh, kinda like life. Expect everything to be handed to you in return for worthless physical "beauty"? No pity for once pretty, but otherwise useless and now old single and bitter that guys are "shallow."
Ok, done with rant... carry on
 
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dixielee is offline dixielee Post #10  July 12,2009, 3:29am
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Both men and women feel the pain of rejection. I think as a society we are more used to, and geared towards, men making the first move, so they are the ones who suffer the most often from rejection.
It's a matter of percentages. In person, you have a better idea of what the person is like just from watching and listening to them for awhile, even if from a distance. You will only approach someone you are interested in. This would generally mean you wouldn't approach that many people per day, even in a bar!
Using online dating sights means there is a much higher rate of rejections from both genders because the pool of potential matches is much bigger. Online, you read profile after profile and only keep or initiate contact with the ones who stand out for you, or whose interests match your own, "rejecting" the others. No harm, no foul this way-- you've never met in person so there shouldn't be any hard feelings. I don't think we should label anyone as "shallow" for their personal selection process, we're all doing the same thing for our own reasons!
 
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