Why I Refuse to Date a "Robust" Woman...


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ThaddeusJohn is offline ThaddeusJohn Post #1  June 4,2009, 7:56pm

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They may have some wonderful, beautiful & compatible traits. However, reflect for a moment on the MHCS section of eH.
Many women have posted their can't stands such as, Can't Stand someone who views/owns Pornography. Can't Stand someone who Gambles. Can't Stand someone who is addicted to alcohol. Can't Stand someone who uses illicit drugs. Can't Stand someone who has sex outside of marriage (A sex addict, in other words).

All of these are addictions or at least very addictive behaviors. They are used to escape the reality of deep feelings and emotions. These things DO NOT promote and sustain the growth and maturation that comes when one consciously deals/faces their past abuse/heartbreaks and other negative issues. Addictions strain and interfere with one's current relationships & state of mental/emotional well-being.

Using food in an inappropriate manner is also an addiction and is used (like all addictions) to escape painful feelings/emotions rather than face them head on. Obesity is an obvious sign that food is being used for the wrong reasons. Anorexia and bulimia are harder to observe, but they are still used as an attempt to escape pain.

Just as with the other addictions noted above, the same is true of eating disorders in that they require intervention of some kind, whether it be a 12-Step program, or professional help with a therapist and preferably a combo of both of them. People with addictions can't do it alone and weren't meant to do it alone just because of the way God made us. We're relational beings. While healing from the addiction, dealing with the past and present pain/fears is essential to the whole healing process of the entire person. Doing that results in deeper, more satisfying relationships as well as an overall sense of well being and self-esteem.

Please take this in the Spirit of Love from which it is intended. I've seen in my own brother the devastating effects of alcohol and drug abuse (physically, mentally and emotionally). My bro is an empty shell incapable of maintaining any feeling relationship. Addictions are no laughing matter.
Peace!
 
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Spedie is offline Spedie Post #2  June 7,2009, 4:41pm
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I may be wrong here, but does the first post seem a bit short sighted? I, for one, have 30 lbs to lose, but it's not from an eating too much, knife/fork/spoon disorder!

I'll never be a swimsuit model.

I have a thyroid problem, and it went undiagnosed for years. I've shed 40 lbs, but 30 more to go.

Not all of us "robust" women have an eating disorder. Hypothyroidism is one of the most undiagnosed problems in women.

Spedie
 
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Spedie is offline Spedie Post #3  June 7,2009, 4:49pm
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Sorry, double post...darned computers!
Last edited by Spedie; June 7,2009 at 4:50pm. Reason: Double post.
 
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Lisa4fellowship is offline Lisa4fellowship Post #4  June 9,2009, 1:52am
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Thadeouse,
I'm a thin yet healthy woman without eating disorder of any kind, and so my comment is without any partiality or prejudice. I just wanted to say, your explanation about not dating Robust women is not only true as far as factual statements go , but the most inteligent and respectable answere i've ever heard about that question. thank you . Lisa
 
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calypa is offline calypa Post #5  July 21,2009, 4:29pm
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And what about those of us who are in between? I'm not "average" weight, but neither am I a BBW. I've always been somewhat overweight since childhood. I believe I'm pretty. I "could" lose some weight, but I have no health issues because of it.

One observation from my life: I've noticed caucasian American men are MUCH pickier about women's physiques than men from other races/cultures.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #6  July 22,2009, 1:40am
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I agree with you ... addictions are no laughing matter.

My youngest sister had anorexia nervosa, it was quite horrific. In her case, it seemed to be a 'control thing'. When she would finally speak of it (when she was improving), she would say very little, just that restricting her food intake seemed to her to be exercising control over her life. Today, she is quite healthy with three gorgeous children.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #7  July 22,2009, 11:35am

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My responses in bold;
Spedie wrote :
I may be wrong here, but does the first post seem a bit short sighted? I, for one, have 30 lbs to lose, but it's not from an eating too much, knife/fork/spoon disorder! (denial)

I'll never be a swimsuit model (mom convinced you, huh? or was it your dad or hubby? maybe your slim sister?)

I have a thyroid problem, and it went undiagnosed for years. I've shed 40 lbs, but 30 more to go. (had that diagnosed by a doctor, huh?)

Not all of us "robust" women have an eating disorder. ((denial) Hypothyroidism is one of the most undiagnosed problems in women. (caused by an addiction that developed before you could walk and talk; that's why you don't see it as an addiction; see below) Spedie
Sorry; you're a food addict in denial. It's kind of a question of which came first, the disease or the cause? Look at this shocking Graphic about the epidemic of obesity in America; http://www.weight.com/obesity_2001.gif
With the growth of Diabetes and Thyroid diseases running oddly parallel to the growth of obesity, it's hard, according to most research, to say which causes which. Google thyroid diseases; and in most cases it's a problem of overweight/obese people, and stats show that when they get close their ideal BMI, the symptoms decline or disappear!.

I totally agree with the insightful, polite way that the original poster (OP) put it; it (being "robust"/overweight/obese) has to recognized as an addiction. In fact, I think it's one of the most unrecognizable addictions in our society. Think of this; most drug/alcohol addictions start in our teen years; yet before we could walk and talk, what was put in to our mouths if we were upset? Some parents (wisely) let us cry, checked our basic needs, and let us cry it out. Most parents put food in our mouths. Some put carrots, or fruit, others put candies and cookies and sugar/carb/fat rich foods in our mouths; and the addiction began.

Stop the excuses. See a doc to check the basics, then start trying to experience hunger. Scientists are beginning to see that we need that feeling in our stomach for longevity. Try more than a diet; try a one day fast. Keep up your fluids, enjoy teas, or juices if you have to, but try a fast. Can you say you've ever gone one day in your life without eating food? I bet your grandparents can say that! You don't need to spend $$ on those "cleansing" gimmicks and diet programs; just look in the mirror and take control. Eat smaller portions. Get moving. Work up a sweat or heavy breathing intentionally for 20 minutes a day and the pounds will melt. Preferably before you start your day, so there's no excuses. You don't need a gym; there's plenty of exercise programs on TV, or just go for a brisk walk. Remember this is addiction took a long time to develop; be patient with yourself; but be determined. If you have a significant other who is fitter than you, make a bet with them to lose weight; you owe them $$ for every pound you gain, they owe you for every pound you lose. Make it fun; but make it happen. There's too many "robust" women (and yes, more than our share of men as well) out there with beautiful faces, brilliant minds, and sad health. This has to be fixed.
 
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Andrewthecarrotman is offline Andrewthecarrotman Post #8  July 22,2009, 2:28pm
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Fat everybody is a problem, and a lot of people use their thyroid as an excuse. I have no problems with big girls, but there is a line where it becomes a problem. Being obese is very unhealthy, especially in the long run.

That being said, the BMI is BS. You can be 5'5" and weigh 500 lbs (an example) and be pure muscle. By sight you are not fat, probably using serious steroid, but not fat. Other fat tests will show that you are not fat. BUT with the BMI you crossed morbidly obese a very long time ago. Probably about 135-150 is ideal..... And yes, 500 lbs anyway is very unhealthy too.

Sight works best
 
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Andrewthecarrotman is offline Andrewthecarrotman Post #9  July 22,2009, 2:31pm
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Fat everybody is a problem, and a lot of people use their thyroid as an excuse. I have no problems with big girls, but there is a line where it becomes a problem. Being obese is very unhealthy, especially in the long run. A big girl that works on her fat problem is fine, but it is an addiction that takes time to develop.

That being said, the BMI is BS. You can be 5'5" and weigh 500 lbs (an example) and be pure muscle. By sight you are not fat, probably using serious steroid, but not fat. Other fat tests will show that you are not fat. BUT with the BMI you crossed morbidly obese a very long time ago. Probably about 135-150 is ideal..... And yes, 500 lbs anyway is very unhealthy too.

Sight works best
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #10  July 22,2009, 5:03pm

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My comments in bold, red[quote=Andrewthecarrotman;683085]Fat everybody (you mean, anybody who is fat/overweight?) is a problem, and a lot of people use their thyroid as an excuse. (I agree here) I have no problems with big girls (try thinking of them as women?), but there is a line where it becomes a problem. Being obese is very unhealthy, especially in the long run.

That being said, the BMI is BS. How can you say what you just said and say it's B.S.? You can be 5'5" and weigh 500 lbs (an example) and be pure muscle.Total B.S. no; E.S. By sight you are not fat, (you must be joking...) probably using serious steroid, but not fat. Other fat tests will show that you are not fat. BUT with the BMI you crossed morbidly obese a very long time ago. Probably about 135-150 is ideal...Sight works best[/quote] And yes, 500 lbs anyway is very unhealthy too.(gee, ya think?) see, and try USING this B.M.I calculator; it's by far the widest used and respected GENERAL guide for doctors and insurance companies;

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
 
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