outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #1  June 1,2009, 8:40am

Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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Loving someone can hurt. When they don't love you back it can hurt a lot more. It's as if they have all the control to make us happy, sad or both at the same time. We give up our power and I've done the same thing.

Well it's not easy to back off when you are strongly attracted to someone. Both your heart and mind race and you think of different scenarios on how he might love you if only he_____________. Fill in the blank.

This has probably happened to everyone at one time or another. Once when I was about 20 or 21 & my brothers invited me to a party in someone's backyard in a town close to ours. I had recently moved back home to live with my two brothers. When I was 17 I quit High School and moved in with my then girlfriend.

Anyway I didn't want to go to that party for some reason and wasn't in the best mood. But I figured you never know, maybe I'll meet someone. And there she was.

My breath was taken away, I stopped in my tracks. She was beautiful, 5' 7", had long flowing blondish light brown hair, blue eyes like me, a stunning Irish face, a model's body, sense of humor, intelligent & my dream woman (at that time.)

I said hello to her and we talked some. She was friendly and not stuck up. She must of sensed I was an Outlaw. At the time I was a little shy. My middle brother who was a year older than me, taller, more muscular and more of a swarthy pirate, started flirting and talking to her. My heart sunk as later I saw them embrace.

I didn't know what to do and figured I had lost out. Right then it started to rain and I approached them on the pretense of asking a question. I had to say something, anything to interupt them from becoming a couple. It was chilly and I was shivering.

Just then it started to rain. I don't remember fully what happened next. She saw me shivering and asked if I wanted to share a sweater or small blanket that she threw over both our shoulders. I readily accepted. Then we walked together into the house with the other guests.

My brother wasn't upset; we were tight & had trained together in track, sometimes lifted weights together, socialized with the same groups of people and picked up women together.

Anyhoo I had put one arm around her so it would be easier for us to keep each other warm. She put her arm around me too. For the rest of that party, we walked around and talked to other people with our arms around each other.

When we left the party my brother and I talked. Because of his looks, dimples, light olive skin complexion & body languge, women were attracted to him. My new woman friend gave me her phone number, I called her and we became a couple for the next 1-1/2 years.

Perfect almost and we went camping several times with her friends and had some great times. She liked to drink & so did I. But truth be told we didn't have enough in common to stay together forever. She was out of my league-her family had much more $, a big house in a rich neighborhood & more status than my family did at the time.

She was spoiled and I was difficult & slightly jealous at the time. But I met all of her friends many times and she met mine. I was deeply in love. Maybe more than she was with me. But she was a great girlfriend. Time moved forward. I decided to go to College. While there at the end of the first year a history Professor suggested I go to Europe for the summer to "find myself." I found more than myself over there.

I had enough $ saved and asked if she wanted to go with me. She had made other plans for that summer so I went alone. While I did send her a few cards and a few phone calls, I was having so much fun that I neglected her. At least according to an older Australian buddy I first met in Paris, remet in Amsterdam and at the end of the summer back in Paris.
Where together we went to Reims to the Moet Chandon cellars.

I asked him "did I lose her?" And he asked me how many times did I write to her...then he told me I had lost her. When I got back home, there was no one at the airport waiting? I hopped onto a bus, got home and called her. She met me later that night & broke up with me in a nice way. But it still stung & I was crushed. The pain was intense and would last for quite awhile.

September was only a week away & I had transferred to a larger University. I was hurting and needed to make some friends to stay busy. Within a week I had a hundred new aquaintainces via my volunteering in three student clubs. but I didn't date for two years! Sure I spent time with women but nothing romantic.

One woman I met in my Freshman photography classes became good friends with me. We hung out for a year in a platonic relationship shooting some assignments together. She helped me out greatly & I became so attracted to her. But I told her straight out before our first and last kiss that I wasn't prepared to get serious with anyone at that time.

Ok here comes the tough spot. You might be too much in love to deciper his body language. But as a man, if I was in love with you, I'd do almost anything to be with you right now. I'd drop any other romantic interest I had.

Sorry to be so blunt.
Sure he might change or he might wake up. If you want to wait, that's your decision. Just remember to take care of you first, before you can take care of him or whoever.

So please 1) stay busy 2) change your routine-maybe volunteer or get involved in some club, group or activity. 3) find a platonic friend/buddy of the opposite sex and do an activity with them.

You haven't done anything wrong. Sometimes we fall for people who electrify us, send chills down our spines and fill up our lives. But sometimes they don't feel the same way about us. I wish you luck. Tell us how it turns out.

c2009 sei as published on another website
M
 
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Lisa4fellowship is offline Lisa4fellowship Post #2  June 10,2009, 9:30pm
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Hi outlaw1,
Ever ponder how in the world this happens? I mean, allowing oneself to slip into emotional connection with someone to a greater degree than they are with us.
Or even, knowing that you have a deep and close relationship with someone that they feel as well, but it's still, they claim, not the same as the love you feel. How does that happen? There's probably no answere, other than not gaurding ourselves or monitoring our feelings enough maybe to make sure it's going both ways before we lose all controll. What do you think?
 
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lt8894 is offline lt8894 Post #3  June 17,2009, 11:12am
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Hi outlaw1,

My goodness I've just read your comment here and it almost leaves me speechless which is rare. I will be reading this post again, I'm sure.
You've lived, loved and learned. Thanks so much for sharing. Lisa
 
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