WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #1  February 2,2010, 7:55pm
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Being a little older now I find myself very sensitive to hearing well intended advice that's actually perhaps not very good at all.

My favorite these days is "If you can dream it you can do it."

Well that's just plainly not so and that thinking gets people into all kinds of trouble (I know because I've been there...) yet it's the mantra for far too many personal coaches.

What other advice do you hear that bothers you... what is the advice you would replace it with?

I would replace "If you can dream it you can do it." with "Move toward your dreams and try to enjoy all the steps along the way."
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #2  February 3,2010, 1:50am
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"Get over it."

It stings everytime I hear it and it is always said to me dismissively or in flippancy. And, it is usually said to me after I have just shared something which is quite painful or makes me feel a little vulnerable.

I am not sure what I'd rather hear!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  February 3,2010, 6:31am

blames self-help books

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Meri, you mean you haven't spent tons of time working with someone who doesn't want to change but wants to blame someone else for their failure and you don't out of frustration tell them to get over it? But yeah as a first response it is pretty lame.

I really hate how people tell you to understand yourself first and give no advice how to go about doing it. It is good advice but tricky to implement. Knowing what you don't want/need does not help you figure out what you do want/need. In my opinion self help books don't help either unless you happen to be that one person the book is written for.
 
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Dyuma22 is offline Dyuma22 Post #4  February 3,2010, 8:04am
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"Your soul mate is out there, you just need to find him."

A: I don't beleive in soul mates

B: Belief in them perpatuates unreasonable expectations of perfection in other people, absolving one of responsibility for problems, and dismissing failed relationships with "they weren't my soul mate"

C: High compatibility doesn't garuntee success or happiness.

What I'd rather hear?
"Don't make choices out of desperation, wait for someone you have genuine feelings for, and they for you."
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #5  February 3,2010, 4:55pm
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meri75 wrote :
"Get over it."

It stings everytime I hear it and it is always said to me dismissively or in flippancy. And, it is usually said to me after I have just shared something which is quite painful or makes me feel a little vulnerable.

I am not sure what I'd rather hear!
Stings me to... until you actually do try to get over it. I actually think the meaning is good but as you say, it's the way they say it... condescending.

All they'd have to say is something more like "yep... we all go through it but sooner or later we accept that all we can do is leave it in the past where is belongs" or such.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #6  February 3,2010, 4:56pm
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Dyuma22 wrote :
"Your soul mate is out there, you just need to find him."

A: I don't beleive in soul mates

B: Belief in them perpatuates unreasonable expectations of perfection in other people, absolving one of responsibility for problems, and dismissing failed relationships with "they weren't my soul mate"

C: High compatibility doesn't garuntee success or happiness.

What I'd rather hear?
"Don't make choices out of desperation, wait for someone you have genuine feelings for, and they for you."
yep.. that's another good one... same realm as mine.... the 'you only live once, don't compromise' vantage.

Idiocy.
 
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religioprof is offline religioprof Post #7  February 3,2010, 7:04pm
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The laws of attraction, namely that we attract the good (and the bad) through our thoughts. And we have the power to attract what we want merely by changing our mindset. This annoys me no end. Did people in Haiti attract what they got?
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #8  February 3,2010, 11:39pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Meri, you mean you haven't spent tons of time working with someone who doesn't want to change but wants to blame someone else for their failure and you don't out of frustration tell them to get over it? But yeah as a first response it is pretty lame.
I have worked with someone like this, but I didn't tell them get over it. At first, I tried to help the person, I may as well have been talking Swahili for all the notice taken! Then I was publicly blamed for their mistake, and it was a huge mistake. So, I collected a dossier detailing all their customer-impacting faults and then requested my management review the output of that department; as I would no longer be the scape goat for their errors, nor waste my resources in fixing fault caused outside my department.

I now manage that department.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #9  February 4,2010, 6:43am
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religioprof wrote :
The laws of attraction, namely that we attract the good (and the bad) through our thoughts. And we have the power to attract what we want merely by changing our mindset. This annoys me no end. Did people in Haiti attract what they got?
Ha... I do understand what you mean... the problem is that it's indirectly true (because our thoughts would give actions and those actions results, and we get what we want... which is another version of 'if you can dream it...")

But, of course, they 'magically' (pun intended) leave out all the details and sell life coaching rebranded as a genie.

And what bothers me most about it is that the people who bought into it are now out there buying into something else... lessons not learned.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #10  February 4,2010, 8:32am

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meri75 wrote :
I have worked with someone like this, but I didn't tell them get over it. At first, I tried to help the person, I may as well have been talking Swahili for all the notice taken! Then I was publicly blamed for their mistake, and it was a huge mistake. So, I collected a dossier detailing all their customer-impacting faults and then requested my management review the output of that department; as I would no longer be the scape goat for their errors, nor waste my resources in fixing fault caused outside my department.

I now manage that department.
Yeah I have never said it either, well maybe my ex but only because it was easier than the words I wanted to use. This is why I never went into psychology. I could just see me telling someone, OMG!! really, that is your problem?!?!?! Get out of my office and come back when you have a real problem. Then they leave and do something awful. Yeah I am much better suited for accounting. Then you just lay out the data and take their job.
 
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