WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #1  December 2,2009, 5:57am
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How do you know you've tried 'hard enough'?

When you do something but perhaps don't get the result you want, or think you could always do better, how do you decide what was good enough? Do you feel disappointment when you don't 'give it everything' you've got or 'played too small'? (and how do you decide what exactly that is).

This topic is about discussing the process of how we decide what we do (and who we are) is 'good enough' and what is the fallout, good and bad, about that.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  December 2,2009, 9:09am
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Personally, the concept of 'trying hard' or hard enough doesn't even enter into my thought or decision making process. For me it's simply a matter of whether things feel 'right' or not. In fact, I actually consider 'trying too hard' to be detrimental to learning and living.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  December 2,2009, 10:07am
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It's different in personal and work life, for me.

At my main job (software engineering) there were outside constraints of budget, deadlines, etc. and at some point you have to wrap it up. Sometimes this was frustrating, when I knew that with one more iteration through I could tweak it even better. But generally it was a relief to be done.

At my second job (body psychotherapy) this was usually the client's call, they quit when they want to. Whether I think they're "done" or not. That was also a much more subjective job ... what is "done", what is "good" is much harder to define. When someone quit prematurely in my opinion, I found that sad as opposed to frustrating. As far as my own work with them went, "good enough" was just "the best I can do at this point and not perfect". Any shortcomings I perceived while working with someone I would address. Mistakes I didn't perceive until later, well, I just tried to learn from them. So as not to repeat. Sometimes sad.

Personal life is the most subjective of all, of course. Often you don't know until much later that you did well enough, or could/should have done better. Then I invoke the coulda/woulda/shoulda attitude of "oh well". I tend to be pretty self-forgiving.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #4  December 2,2009, 4:11pm
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jayjay wrote :
For me it's simply a matter of whether things feel 'right' or not. In fact, I actually consider 'trying too hard' to be detrimental to learning and living.
Ok, well the same question remains... how do you judge whether the effort you've done is right enough?
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #5  December 2,2009, 4:16pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
what is "good" is much harder to define.
Yep...and that's why I wanted to make this topic, to see if people could actually express in some way how they know they've done enough to feel satisfied.
 
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awol71 is offline awol71 Post #6  December 7,2009, 4:05pm
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I find a good rule of thumb is to check whether the practical objectives have been met. Once those objectives have been met, I may add extra effort for amusement purposes (which may include aesthetic reasons), but only if external constraints permit. External constraints are mostly resources (such as time and money). Depending on the objective, some other factors may apply, too (for instance, ethical constraints).

Practical objectives met + allocated resources spent + no more fun = all done.

You'll have to narrow down the type of activity if you want me to elaborate further. The factors weigh in differently depending on the situation. On the job (and for household chores) fun is less of a factor that practical objectives and resources, whereas for my hobbies fun often trumps the rest.

As for the last part, particularly the "who we are" question : who I am is, at any given time, a fait accompli and therefore "good enough". Who I will be is a different matter : there's always room for improvement. What I try to improve is mostly determined in the same general fashion by taking into account : objectives, resources, fun. For instance, these days I'm using a fair amount of my free time reading up on stuff and posting on these boards in an effort to improve my ability to explain concepts that are generally rather abstract and subjective, which I've always found to be a lot of fun.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #7  December 7,2009, 6:54pm
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awol71 wrote :
I find a good rule of thumb is to check whether the practical objectives have been met.
Fair but isn't that the same question isn't it? I want to lose 150 lbs... Can I still feel fantastic about 140? How about 40? They're all practical objectives.
 
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awol71 is offline awol71 Post #8  December 7,2009, 7:50pm
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
Fair but isn't that the same question isn't it?
No, I think it's an answer. The question was, "How do you know you've tried 'hard enough'?" I think that "When the practical objectives have been met," is a pretty big part of the answer. The question was very general, so you can only expect a very general answer. I also suggested taking into account external constraints and fun factor, too, by the way.

But anyhow, seems to me it's pretty obvious that the most straightforward criteria for stopping is when you reach your goal (e.g., stop running when you cross the finish line).

WeDesignOurLives wrote :
I want to lose 150 lbs... Can I still feel fantastic about 140? How about 40? They're all practical objectives.
There we go. Losing weight is a much more particular question, so you get a much more particular answer!

Sadly, not from me. I'm afraid I can't relate effectively to that problem because I only weigh about 170 lbs. I have one of those metabolisms where I train and exercise a little so that I don't lose weight. (I can assure you, it is not as great as it sounds.) I know nothing about dieting.

My advice, however, would be to identify a clear objective : either 150, 140 or 40. If you're going for all three, you're going to be a little confused. Which one to start with is for you to decide. Whatever you feel comfortable with. If you really can benefit from losing 150 lbs, then I would suggest going for 40 (or even less) at first to see how that goes. If you make it, you'll have something to encourage yourself and feel good about as you try for more. Then check out the different ways to lose weight, maybe consult a doctor or something. Set up a good plan that your external constraints allow (time, money, energy, etc.), and also try to make it fun if you can. Then stick to the plan. Once the first step comes to an end (there should be a clear limit in terms both of weight loss and time period), stop to reevaluate and see how to move on from there.
 
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1Horselady is offline 1Horselady Post #9  December 8,2009, 12:47am
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
Ok, well the same question remains... how do you judge whether the effort you've done is right enough?
What are you trying to accomplish? Suzie
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #10  December 8,2009, 12:30pm
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1Horselady wrote :
What are you trying to accomplish? Suzie
Are you asking about my particular goals or why I'm discussing the subject?
 
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