Settling...Do Your Profiles Match Your TRUE Self?


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reddecorator is offline reddecorator Post #1  October 26,2009, 8:28pm
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Profiles with EH are a virtual "snapshot"...does YOURS reflect your TRUE essence ... and what you are seeking in a new partner?

After reading another discussion topic I decided it was time to GET REAL and present myself in ALL its amazing glory with the TRUE intention that this communication will be received LOUD and CLEAR by the right one.

Will this eliminate some people ... absolutely...I DO NOT believe that you need to settle for the staus quo..

ASK & ACT (with intention)
BELIEVE (with conviction)
RECEIVE (with gratitude)

Your thoughts?
Last edited by reddecorator; October 26,2009 at 8:42pm.
 
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tincup is offline tincup Post #2  October 26,2009, 9:44pm
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reddecorator wrote :
Profiles with EH are a virtual "snapshot"...does YOURS reflect your TRUE essence ... and what you are seeking in a new partner?

After reading another discussion topic I decided it was time to GET REAL and present myself in ALL its amazing glory with the TRUE intention that this communication will be received LOUD and CLEAR by the right one.

Will this eliminate some people ... absolutely...I DO NOT believe that you need to settle for the staus quo..

ASK & ACT (with intention)
BELIEVE (with conviction)
RECEIVE (with gratitude)

Your thoughts?
As the author of "skimpy profiles" I think it's clear where I would stand on this LOL. I couldn't agree more that a good snapshot is material to me when evaluating a potential match (and I hope the reverse as well). I think EH actually did an outstanding job of writing two primer pieces on profiles.

http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=2149&cid=profile&aid=91103

http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=241&cid=profile&aid=91105

-tincup
 
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cornucopias is offline cornucopias Post #3  October 27,2009, 2:24pm
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I'm with redd on this topic. I often don't bother with profiles that don't answer many questions or provide one word responses. Of course I'm looking for someone who is willing to communicate and if the person doesn't want to tell me about themselves to get my interest, then how likely are they to be open in the future. I'd rather put as much info out there and have someone walk away (which I'm sure happens) then try to keep them guessing.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #4  October 27,2009, 5:43pm
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reddecorator wrote :
Profiles with EH are a virtual "snapshot"...does YOURS reflect your TRUE essence ... and what you are seeking in a new partner?

Will this eliminate some people ... absolutely...I DO NOT believe that you need to settle for the staus quo.
Yes, it does (or did when I was active)... and I have been strongly criticized for being TOO revealing in my profile. They said "Why did you write a novel...who's going to read it?" to which I reply "anyone who wants an exceptional relationship has to make exceptional effort".

And while I agree you shouldn't settle for the status quo you WILL be settling for someone so the question is do you want a grade B person who's willing to be trainable or an A person who's not going to change much.
 
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reddecorator is offline reddecorator Post #5  October 28,2009, 4:18pm
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Grading people as "A's" or "B's" is not what this discussion is about...it's about NOT compromising your values and making certain that your profile reflects your genuine self...this takes honesty and courage.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #6  October 29,2009, 3:38pm
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reddecorator wrote :
Grading people as "A's" or "B's" is not what this discussion is about...it's about NOT compromising your values and making certain that your profile reflects your genuine self...this takes honesty and courage.
Well you said "I DO NOT believe that you need to settle for the staus quo" and I agree which means people deserve better.

But since there's no such thing as a perfect match ...or perfect house...or pet...or car...or anything, we're going to have to CHOOSE...and that means figuring out what your criteria are and which is more important than the other.

So I gave an example using grades and that's all that happened. It's simply impossible to not compromise your values for a match because that would mean a person who not only never disagrees with you but says the perfect thing every time and never makes mistake.

So I'm saying, for myself right now, that I don't need perfection to be perfectly happy and a person I feel is a B+/A- in just the major areas (being attitude, intelligence, and empathy) is going to have plenty enough to grow with. For you it may be an A+ in all areas which simply means the chances for success go down... just as you were looking for a fantastic house for $100k when the ones you really want are typically $250k. I can't bank on that.

A HUGE part of being happy is about realism. (Which takes as much courage as having a realistic profile.)
 
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hopingoverhere is offline hopingoverhere Post #7  October 29,2009, 4:31pm
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I agree 100%! We are here to find someone special. In the absence of the look or word that can say so much-we need more words..
 
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tincup is offline tincup Post #8  October 29,2009, 7:48pm
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
Well you said "I DO NOT believe that you need to settle for the staus quo" and I agree which means people deserve better.

But since there's no such thing as a perfect match ...or perfect house...or pet...or car...or anything, we're going to have to CHOOSE...and that means figuring out what your criteria are and which is more important than the other.

So I gave an example using grades and that's all that happened. It's simply impossible to not compromise your values for a match because that would mean a person who not only never disagrees with you but says the perfect thing every time and never makes mistake.

So I'm saying, for myself right now, that I don't need perfection to be perfectly happy and a person I feel is a B+/A- in just the major areas (being attitude, intelligence, and empathy) is going to have plenty enough to grow with. For you it may be an A+ in all areas which simply means the chances for success go down... just as you were looking for a fantastic house for $100k when the ones you really want are typically $250k. I can't bank on that.

A HUGE part of being happy is about realism. (Which takes as much courage as having a realistic profile.)
Guys I think this is a little off-track. Not settling does not imply seeking an unrealistic view of perfection. The point behind this thread was that profiles are important - both our own and also our matches.
 
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reddecorator is offline reddecorator Post #9  October 29,2009, 7:53pm
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
Well you said "I DO NOT believe that you need to settle for the staus quo" and I agree which means people deserve better.

But since there's no such thing as a perfect match ...or perfect house...or pet...or car...or anything, we're going to have to CHOOSE...and that means figuring out what your criteria are and which is more important than the other.

So I gave an example using grades and that's all that happened. It's simply impossible to not compromise your values for a match because that would mean a person who not only never disagrees with you but says the perfect thing every time and never makes mistake.

So I'm saying, for myself right now, that I don't need perfection to be perfectly happy and a person I feel is a B+/A- in just the major areas (being attitude, intelligence, and empathy) is going to have plenty enough to grow with. For you it may be an A+ in all areas which simply means the chances for success go down... just as you were looking for a fantastic house for $100k when the ones you really want are typically $250k. I can't bank on that.

A HUGE part of being happy is about realism. (Which takes as much courage as having a realistic profile.)
I believe you are missing my point again...nowhere in my discussion have I used the word "perfect". This is very simple...present your genuine self, don't settle for less than you deserve and seek someone who matches your profile.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #10  October 30,2009, 5:40am
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Sorry but you're both missing you own points and my same point remains.... you claim that "it's about NOT compromising your values" .your words... quoted... and I don't know how that doesn't mean perfection. If you want to quality what it means to not compromise you can.

And you did it again just now... "don't settle for less than you deserve". Do you have any idea how many messages there are on these boards from people (far more women) who did exactly that and now are pretty bitter in their 40's because now they're saying "despite his flaws he was actually good in so many ways but I wanted what I thought I deserved so I moved on and that was a mistake..."

So all I said was that it isn't realistic and offers a quick way to help measure realistic expectations.
 
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