meri75 is offline meri75 Post #51  November 6,2009, 10:14pm
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chawks64 wrote :
This reminded me of something I learned about years ago. There is a serious study of the sociology and psychology of group photos - barbecues, reunions, Christmases, weddings - and the meaning behind the grouping and stances of people. It's really fascinating to see the tiny clues behind where people stand in relation to one another, and how they position themselves within a group, along with what their individual body language is saying. You can learn a lot about people.
It definitely means something.

I always find the whole personal space thing interesting. I'll let family and a few close friends, really close to me physically. If it's anyone else - we traverse the room, usually backwards from my viewpoint! LOL
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #52  November 7,2009, 9:28am
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I do not know, why I don't have a partner. I can rattle off a lot of answers ... bad relationship role models growing up, no interest in marriage or children, some excruciatingly bad experiences with men (including assault), a bit of a loner, picky, overly independent, too smart for many men, not pretty enough for many men, blah blah. Somehow it doesn't add up though. Since there are lots of equally strong reasons why I should have found a partner by now ... really good at relationships, sane, sexually attuned, some really nice experiences with men, just the right amount of smarts/pretty for many men, not a recluse, blah blah.

Maybe it's just chance, bad luck. I hate to accept that but it may be true.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #53  November 7,2009, 10:06am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
I do not know, why I don't have a partner. I can rattle off a lot of answers ... bad relationship role models growing up, no interest in marriage or children, some excruciatingly bad experiences with men (including assault), a bit of a loner, picky, overly independent, too smart for many men, not pretty enough for many men, blah blah. Somehow it doesn't add up though. Since there are lots of equally strong reasons why I should have found a partner by now ... really good at relationships, sane, sexually attuned, some really nice experiences with men, just the right amount of smarts/pretty for many men, not a recluse, blah blah.

Maybe it's just chance, bad luck. I hate to accept that but it may be true.
I agree. Sometimes it ISN''T all you. I've been told I'd have a good man in a heartbeat, if I lived anywhere but here.
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #54  November 7,2009, 10:10am
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You know Sassafras, I would tend to agree with you, that there must be alot of other factors that enter into the whole "relationship thing" besides the usual stuff (independence, smarts, looks, income, age, whatever).

This was recently brought home to me very graphically thru some volunteer work I do occasionally with developmentally disabled adults (just helping them out with basic "life skills" like learning the computer, planning meals, balancing a checkbook, etc.).

Anyway, I have this one "client" in his 40's, quite overweight, and also mildly retarded, along with a bunch of other psychological and emotional issues that he also takes medications for. And yet this fellow with all his problems, is married to a very nice lady who is endlessly patient with him (and he can be pretty "difficult" sometimes). But besides that, whenever I'm over at his house, he also always seems to have more females hovering around, and all eagerly waiting on him there than you can shake a stick at!

So not sure what the "lesson" is there, but obviously I'm not "getting it"...!!
 
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Nylit is offline Nylit Post #55  November 7,2009, 3:07pm
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Need,,, women need to be needed.
Your lil friend is someone who needs people thus the attraction.
Perhaps that is it.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #56  November 7,2009, 3:09pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Since there are lots of equally strong reasons why I should have found a partner by now ... Maybe it's just chance, bad luck. I hate to accept that but it may be true.
That might be true but only because you've just not tried hard enough... that is you've perhaps not dated enough people to have the luck needed to find someone who's a good match. I think dating is just like direct mail in that you're putting out a single request to a large pool of semi-qualfied target market. And to that end you have to assume, at best, you're going to get a 1-2% return which means you're gonna have to engage the conversation with 50 candidates to find a really strong match (and maybe 1 out of 20 to find a good match... which happens to be both the number I estimated and the number I read in a Psychology Today article about dating).
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #57  November 7,2009, 3:51pm
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Nylit wrote :
Need,,, women need to be needed.
Your lil friend is someone who needs people thus the attraction.
Perhaps that is it.
You probably have a good analysis there, Nylit. And growing up in a family where everyone pretty much had to "fend for themself", I'm probably especially "tone deaf" and "challenged" in the "needs" department anyway. Thanks, I'll give it some thought! And send me your bill, Doctor (do you take "plastic"?)!
 
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Monsoon is offline Monsoon Post #58  November 10,2009, 5:05am
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Sorry going back to a little earlier post. I know what I want ultimately ... And for me yes I do want to settle with my life partner and when I meet him I'm hoping I will know .. and I know I have bullet pointed it all out ... I guess yes I won't go chasing a man regardless how much I fancy the pants of him ....I'd much prefer to see how keen he is firstly ....Is that wrong then ..? Does that give a wrong message out that I'm not that into him .....? I'm just like any human being I want to be adored and vice versa but at same time I don't want to be played .....
My reason's for not having a partner is that I have not met the right suitor that I'm compatible with .... I want my partner to feel me on a deeper level.
I'm also aware time is ticking but I want to get it right as for me the whole marriage thing is a one time event in my life for life.
Hope this has read well ....
 
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Hisown is offline Hisown Post #59  November 10,2009, 11:21pm
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
I was very good as position papers in my sex ed class. Sometimes I used a twister game to illustrate.
LMAO
 
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Hisown is offline Hisown Post #60  November 10,2009, 11:55pm
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Well this is an interesting thread and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I haven't been on a date at all for the past 2 years so I don't even get the opportunity to explore options. I think that Chawks was onto something regarding location. I live where I am not the predominant religion and so this significantly cuts out on the possibilities. Also I work with mostly women and the men I may see at work are all married. I don't go to bars because that really is not my idea of where to find good matches for me since I don't drink or smoke.

Alas, I am a lonely little petunia in an onion patch and there is no one who will play with me. Is there any hope? I must keep the faith while singing my little song "Someday my prince will come", although I am not sure how he will find me? Maybe I should rent those big search lights and put them in my backyard so that he will have no trouble finding me. When he arrives we will ride off into the sunset as he takes me to live in his castle in a far away kingdom.

Another probable reason that I don't have a partner is because my expectations are so high, my prince is unable to scale the wall; his armor is too heavy and holding him to the ground. There seem to be all kinds of reasons, none of which could be my fault...because I am practically perfect in every way just like Mary Poppins. LOL

Seriously it must be all my fault because I didn't indicate that I was interested to that guy at the grocery store last week. LOL..

I must be initimidating, so I scare guys off....I have got to stop now...this is getting ridiculous. Maybe that is the reason--- I am not serious enough.......
 
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