WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #41  October 4,2009, 8:13pm
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TracyBluebird wrote :
One thing I don't want to do when I get involved in a relationship is hyperfocus on what went wrong. I don't want to stop being my trusting, happy, beautiful self, and be "on guard" and I guess the only way I can do this in give it to God, and have faith.
Wow. yea... that really is a tough thing to do... let go of the part and not have the fear or being hurt again... don't know if it's possible (for me).

I'm also wondering where all the stories about narcissistic women are? Does it not seem all these stories are male-centric?
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #42  October 5,2009, 4:24am
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That's a fair point, WeDesign; and there are plenty of narcissistic women. Not sure why more guys haven't posted stories of encounters with them....
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #43  October 5,2009, 7:33am
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Some of this has been mentioned earlier in the thread. The majority of clinical NPD's (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) are men, with estimates around 70-75% of the population. But there's also some feeling that women NPD's may be less visible due to various cultural factors. For example, I was married to a woman who was a Special Ed teacher and during her day-to-day work, was a very capable and helpful professional, who exhibited none of the typical grandiosity, control, or all-about-me symptoms of the classic Narcissist. But living in close proximity with her was quite another matter, where all the symptoms would come out, including chronic fits of rage! And she was eventually formally diagnosed only accidentally, when the last of our many marriage counselors (who was also a psychotherapist) suggested testing. But even after she was told the diagnosis, to this day she dismisses it and has stayed "in denial".

Unlike their male counterparts, female narcissists will often secure their Narcissistic Supply through their more traditional (and less visible) gender roles: the home, children, suitable careers, their husbands ("the wife of..."), their feminine traits, their role in society, "stage mothers", etc.. Also they can be very good at hiding behind a "victim" role, and a narcissistic woman's concentration on their body is usually more accepted. Or else they may flaunt and exploit their physical charms, their sexuality, or their socially and culturally determined "femininity".

But as traditional "caregivers", female narcissists are much less obvious, even though they may be using their children, spouses, and others in their "care" as sources of Narcissistic supply. So instead of the usual alternatives chosen by the more obvious male Narcissists - dominating the workplace, career, politics, public achievement (and their family), the narcissistic woman will fight to maintain her most reliable source of supply: her children. Beginning with her child's infancy, she tries to induce a dependence in them, through indoctrination, guilt formation, emotional extortion, deprivation and other psychological mechanisms. Of course this is not easily unraveled, which only creates further Narcissists... and so on.
 
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AnnerBoBanner is offline AnnerBoBanner Post #44  October 8,2009, 8:19pm
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I have definitely been involved with a narcissist. Actually, it seems that I spend a lot of my life trying to figure them out until I give up and move on.
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #45  October 10,2009, 6:00pm
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Being involved with a Narcissist isn't the same as a "normal" relationship (if there is such a thing), where you can more or less just "walk away" and "move on" at any time. Narcissists by definition prey on the emotional and psychological vulnerabilities of others, for the purpose of obtaining "Narcisistic Supply".

So if you're attracted to one, chances are high your own weaknesses are being engaged as well, meaning the Narcissist has "hooked" you in some way. And a true Narcissist would not be interested in you unless they felt they had that "hook" into your needs and vulnerabilities (which also gives them a sense of "control").

Also, Narcissists often have a tendency to attract other Narcissists, in which case getting "too close" is never an issue for either one. And Narcissists sometimes do get confused with Asperger's folks, who are also "empathy challenged".
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #46  October 11,2009, 5:18pm
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AnnerBoBanner wrote :
I have definitely been involved with a narcissist. Actually, it seems that I spend a lot of my life trying to figure them out until I give up and move on.
(Real hard to relate to one if you're not one. You don't really know what they're angry or shamed about.)
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #47  October 11,2009, 5:20pm
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ming_on_mongo wrote :
Narcissists by definition prey on the emotional and psychological vulnerabilities of others, for the purpose of obtaining "Narcisistic Supply".
By habit? Being a con artist?

How about a person who's severely emotionally deprived and constantly looking to fill that void of attention? They could be both kind and desperate for an attention-fix.
 
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TracyBluebird is offline TracyBluebird Post #48  October 15,2009, 7:35pm
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ming_on_mongo wrote :
Being involved with a Narcissist isn't the same as a "normal" relationship (if there is such a thing), where you can more or less just "walk away" and "move on" at any time. Narcissists by definition prey on the emotional and psychological vulnerabilities of others, for the purpose of obtaining "Narcisistic Supply".
I think this is true in my case. If we had stayed together longer before marriage, I would had seen it. Soon after we were married, I was having serious medical issues, and just an emotional basket case, far from my family, very isolated. Perfect prey.

When my emotional state was improved, it was easier to walk away.

Unfortunately, kids are involved. Even so, that is why it was easier to leave, no matter how much he tried to blame, make accusations, lie, throw on the guilt, it was not about me, it was about the kids. They deserved better than the bad choices I made.
 
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TracyBluebird is offline TracyBluebird Post #49  October 15,2009, 7:46pm
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
I'm also wondering where all the stories about narcissistic women are? Does it not seem all these stories are male-centric?
Not sure why, but I think perhaps women are narcissistic, but men don't concern themselves with defining the label. Women who identify a narcissist may be more into the "why and what happened?" You know, the more "emotional" side of women.

Complaints I often hear from men about women, is "too clingy, too needy, too controlling." Those were all things my husband was/is and I figured out he was narcissistic. Maybe men just get out and don't worry about what it's called so much.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #50  October 16,2009, 6:43pm
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"and actually there's a proven correlation between religiosity & narcissism"

(what is it.)

"There's even been new research showing that narcissism is on the rise in more recent generations, who've been over-protected, raised with boosted "self-esteem", plus a false sense of their own "uniqueness"

I wouldn't dispute it simply because I make the generalization that liberal mentality can easily manifest itself into a victim mentality which is pretty much what fuels narcisism.. like is short, I deserve whatever I can get, it's a dog eat dog world, there's no way others can't get hurt in process, so 'being tough' means being to hurt others without caring about it. (Indifference as a positive personal value, a measure of self-esteem)
 
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