graceventually is offline graceventually Post #21  September 14,2009, 8:35pm
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was married Nov.28, and is no longer active on this site.

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That's an interesting thought....I once met someone with very definite narcissistic tendencies who would look down upon anyone who had an old, suffering pet "put to sleep". She could never do such a thing because she "loved her pets so much". Others allegedly didn't have her depth of feeling, others didn't have the same kind of relationship with their animals, she understood something the rest of us didn't, etc., etc. Sadly, her little mixed-breed developed an awful facial tumor, that kept getting infected and spread. The poor little thing lost teeth and finally an eye as the tumor grew. It was just tragic, but she could not be talked into putting him out of his misery. That was for others who had "lesser" relationships with their pets. I honestly think she believed that she was enough for the poor little dog, and that he was happy in her presence even though he was clearly suffering towards the end. And when he finally died, she said, "I didn't think he would leave me". Unbelieveable!!
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #22  September 14,2009, 8:49pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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A narcissist is my boss who can only talk about his greatness and his certifications. He's certifiable alright!
 
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chapgirl is offline chapgirl Post #23  September 18,2009, 12:10am
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I too was married to a narcisscist, and I can pick them out in a crowd now. I will never go with one or marry one again! After the divorce, I was in therapy to heal. The Psychologist told me that the Chronic Narcissistic Personality disorder is one of the saddest of all the disorders, because their sense of self was so fragile. So they are never able to admit they are wrong and will manipulate conversations, etc. to twist circumstances to make it always someone else's fault.

But the other key was, this personality disorder will also be very pleasant and giving and funny, and witty, and engaging, and. . . . in order to get you. And as soon as they think they have you, the real personality comes out. Controlling, temper, manipulative, verbally abusive, can be physically, etc. I called my marriage a 6 1/2 year out of body experience, except that it wasn't near as pleasant as they are supposed to be! I never saw any white light in a tunnel and I certainly never saw Jesus!

I do feel for those with the disorder, but I will never bring one home with me again. It was miserable.
 
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THX11386 is offline THX11386 Post #24  September 26,2009, 7:10am
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AlexandraCassandra wrote :
I was married to one... he used to tell me to be careful and not to hurt myself (like breaking my leg or arms, etc.), because he did not want damaged goods, since he married me w/o any physical problems that is the way he wanted to keep me.
Sounds like a psycho to me. Now at least you're learning the warning signs.
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #25  September 26,2009, 9:34am
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THX11386 wrote :
Sounds like a psycho to me. Now at least you're learning the warning signs.
Although probably technically accurate, the problem with just labeling "Narcissists" and their like as simply "psychos" (in the DSM this also includes Borderlines, Histrionics & Sociopaths), is that it tends to make them seem as though they're just freakish "special cases", kinda like the "lone gunman". Quite the contrary, there seems to be increasing evidence that they're becoming an all-too-common occurence (if not by-product) of modern life.... from work to the internet, to politics, and of course relationships of all kinds.

It may be a grim assessment, but since Narcissists are essentially predatory types, in some sense, perhaps it really is becoming a bit of a "jungle" out there now!
 
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THX11386 is offline THX11386 Post #26  September 27,2009, 7:15am
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ming_on_mongo wrote :
Although probably technically accurate, the problem with just labeling "Narcissists" and their like as simply "psychos" (in the DSM this also includes Borderlines, Histrionics & Sociopaths), is that it tends to make them seem as though they're just freakish "special cases", kinda like the "lone gunman". Quite the contrary, there seems to be increasing evidence that they're becoming an all-too-common occurence (if not by-product) of modern life.... from work to the internet, to politics, and of course relationships of all kinds.

It may be a grim assessment, but since Narcissists are essentially predatory types, in some sense, perhaps it really is becoming a bit of a "jungle" out there now!

"Welcome to the jungle". Unfortunately, I do think that it is a jungle out there. Perhaps a "concrete jungle".

The "natural jungle" itself is a beautiful and deadly place. I myself have had the opportunity to wander in the rain, cloud, and broad leaf forests of central america. They each have their own character. The ecosystems within them are slightly different. All is alive.

Now, this concrete jungle. A mix of living and non-living things. What a combination. It as well, is beautiful and deadly. Everything man made gives predators new tools, and opportunities.

Labeling these predators is as you know, extremely tricky. Keeps the mental health industry making money. I've never liked labels. In my opinion, they can't be completely accurate.

I once worked with a psychologist that told me that there is something called a "catchment area". People are actually clinically diagnosed according to the area that they're living in. (You will be called something different depending upon which part of the jungle you're from.)
Scary.

What am I trying to say? I'm trying to say that I agree with what you said!

Note to self: If taken to hospital emergency room in ambulance, do not discuss the current sci-fi writing project with EMS personnel.

(I need more coffee.)
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #27  September 27,2009, 7:21am
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graceventually wrote :
I once met someone with very definite narcissistic tendencies who would look down upon anyone who had an old, suffering pet "put to sleep". She could never do such a thing because she "loved her pets so much".
UUGHH!

Translation: It's ok for you to feel bad as long as I feel good.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #28  September 27,2009, 7:28am
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ming_on_mongo wrote :
there seems to be increasing evidence that they're becoming an all-too-common occurrence (if not by-product) of modern life.... from work to the internet, to politics, and of course relationships of all kinds.

It may be a grim assessment, but since Narcissists are essentially predatory types, in some sense, perhaps it really is becoming a bit of a "jungle" out there now!
I agree with this and I think this growth is largely attributed to the ME-GENERATION of the last 60's... the thinking of "It's my only life so I've got to do everything I can to get what I want... I can't be concerned about what others feel because this is it!" (Part of the "modern life' you refer to. )

Now, ironically because I'm an atheist, I do credit belief/fear of god as something that did keep this kind of thinking in check in the earlier part of the 20th C. If you think you never die then the desire to live by the Law of Reciprocity is more dominant (Golden Rule).
 
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zazoo61 is offline zazoo61 Post #29  September 29,2009, 9:24am
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I was married to someone I believe has NPD - he didn't have the rages thankfully, but did make me second-guess everything I thought (because he so cleverly manipulated all discussions, casting doubt on my perceptions). It's been a blessed relief to now know I was perceiving very accurately, thank you very much. As I sat in a psych nursing class and we discussed this disorder I sat thinking "oh. my. gosh! This is HIM!"

The whole "it's not my fault" attitude I don't believe would come across in most profiles - most folks don't post much about themselves. But in OC, it sure would come across.

Interesting thoughts, WeDesign, on belief in God keeping narcissism in check. I'd have to agree - if one is self-absorbed, there's no room nor inclination to serve anyone else.
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #30  September 29,2009, 10:33am
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The myth that "religion creates morality" aside (and actually there's a proven correlation between religiosity & narcissism), Lasch and others have already pointed to the "me" generation's narcissism (who at least had enough empathy for social causes). But it's also been suggested that it began earlier than that, with the post-war boom and a consumer economy, along with an increasing dependency on "products" to define ourselves. There's even been new research showing that narcissism is on the rise in more recent generations, who've been over-protected, raised with boosted "self-esteem", plus a false sense of their own "uniqueness": News | SDSU | 'Narcissism Epidemic' Spreading Among College Students

Speaking of "manipulating all the discussions" ("Zazoo"... cool name!), a sign of the times is that we increasingly run into Narcissism even online now, for example, frequently in forums just like this one. You may encounter someone whose (false) sense of "self" is so frail, that they can't even entertain (or envision) other points of view, let alone disagreement or compromise, yet they try to impress everyone with their lofty "intellect", "vocabulary", or "specialness". They're not hard to spot, because what you often see instead of any genuine "give-and-take" dialogue, relating or empathy, is just "talking past" everyone, with a relentless attempt to "win" or just gain control & attention. Usually that's thru things like "reframing the argument", vague generalizations, deliberate obfuscation, or pedantic-sounding "pseudo-logic". So in the end, trying to have any conversation with these folks only leaves you with that frustrated feeling of, "huh?!".

Sometimes it seems like you can hardly go online now and have any sort of real discussion anymore, without encountering these narcissistic grandstanders butting-in and attempting to dominate or draw all the attention to their "brilliance".

The worst of course are the obviously hostile & insulting "trolls" just looking to get a "rise" out of someone, although the "quasi-trolls" (just described), are equally a nuisance, though less obvious (at first). But the intent's the same for both, to do anything to control and attract attention (even negative attention), in order to feed their over-blown, but essentially weak sense of self. They don't want a dialogue, they only want attention.

FYI, there's more about the "cyber-narcissist" here:
Cyber (Internet) Narcissists and Psychopaths
 
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