terreplane is offline terreplane Post #1  December 9,2008, 12:37pm
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The question from one of my matches was "Describe your worst date" ??? After scatching my bald head for a while ??? I thought why would I ever have a worst date? I only want to go on dates with freinds.


If you go out together with a freind (in my case a woman) and I admire this woman and I imagine that possibly, ifI thought the freindship could withsatand it, the freindship might become romantic (or think that I would let it if it appeared to be headed that way) is that a date?


And if it is a "date" then what sort of obligatory commitment have I implied? Do I actually have to use the word date with my freind when suggesting we enjoy the afternoon together?What if instead of asking my freind out on a date what if I asked her to go on an adventure with me. lol And lets say we adopt the term date how does one mechanically aproach the subject of "dating"? If we enjoy going on adventures together a number of times then are we "adventuring"? Should I, should she expect that some line has been crossed?


And what if these adventures ("dates")are simply heading towards a freindship? wouldn't I want that freindship to endure an unwanted suggestion of romance? Why would anyone have a "worst date"?


I want to hear a womans opinion. What do women hear when a man (freind) suggests they enjoy each others company? Is it common for women to endure "worst" dates? Does everybody step into these outings with dirrerent definitions for date and dating? My freind who I occasionally enjoy adventures with, when describing a previous romance to me says "I'm not dateingJoe anymore" Is Joe still a freind? How did "dating" turn off and on for ny freind and Joe?


If you called a taxi and when it arrived you just jumped in and drove away and you realized as soon as you closed the door that this taxi driver smells so bad you going to be sick. Now you've gone a couple of blocks but you continiue on until finnally you can't stand it anymore and you tell him to pull over anywhere you want to get out. You smelled him as soon as you opened the door why did you get in in the first place? And why did it last as long as it did? How did you decide to go just one more block?


Why would anyone have a worst date?


HudsonT
 
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terreplane is offline terreplane Post #2  December 9,2008, 12:52pm
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And how does a man become closer freinds with a woman when the only frame of reference she uses to define the world of men and women is "date & dating"
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #3  December 10,2008, 1:23pm
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Friendship is a part of a relationship; however; when you go in the "friends zone" its really hard to come out of it. As a woman; if I view a man as a "friend"~ that's exactly what it is. I'm not intending to "date" him. Dating is when you get to know the person and decide if you want a relationship with them. That's just my pov.
 
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terreplane is offline terreplane Post #4  December 10,2008, 2:31pm
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curious_girl,375283 wrote :

Friendship is a part of a relationship; however; when you go in the "friends zone" its really hard to come out of it. As a woman; if I view a man as a "friend"~ that's exactly what it is. I'm not intending to "date" him. Dating is when you get to know the person and decide if you want a relationship with them. That's just my pov.
Thanks curious_girl Can you expand on coming in and out of the "freinds zone ' a little more.


Am I being unrealistic to want to know that this woman can be a real freind before I explore a romantic relationship? Its been my experiance that when the romance trips up a bit if there wasnt freindship built before the romance then it just gets ugly. And how can one trust the construction of a freindship if it was built in the midst of the emotional exploration of a romance?


HudsonT
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #5  December 10,2008, 2:51pm
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The friend'szone is where people who you like and get along with, but are not attracted to, go. It's really hard to get out of the friends zone. If a friend does catch my eye that way, I don't want to risk the friendship; because I have been burned by that. The relationship didn't work and so I lost my friend. We're finally friends again now; but it took years.


Friendship should be part of a relationship; and you find that out if you can be friendswhen you are dating. You find out if you are compatible, and if there is chemistry, and if there are any deal breakers, by dating. I have friends. I didn't join eH for friends. I joined in the hopes of finding a mate.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #6  December 10,2008, 4:59pm
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You've never had a worst date?...???...so every date you went on you ended up in love or something wonderful? Never had a disappointment or a rude comment or something?


}} I only want to go on dates with freinds.


People go on dates to find friends they may want to be more than friends with. You don't "date" freinds.
 
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jzbean is offline jzbean Post #7  December 12,2008, 1:51am
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terreplane,375380 wrote :

curious_girl,375283 wrote :


Friendship is a part of a relationship; however; when you go in the "friends zone" its really hard to come out of it. As a woman; if I view a man as a "friend"~ that's exactly what it is. I'm not intending to "date" him. Dating is when you get to know the person and decide if you want a relationship with them. That's just my pov.


Thanks curious_girl Can you expand on coming in and out of the "freinds zone ' a little more.


Am I being unrealistic to want to know that this woman can be a real freind before I explore a romantic relationship? Its been my experiance that when the romance trips up a bit if there wasnt freindship built before the romance then it just gets ugly. And how can one trust the construction of a freindship if it was built in the midst of the emotional exploration of a romance?


HudsonT
Hudson, I'm not sure you are being unrealistic... but here's how my best friend said it... Babe ruth got the most home runs, but he also held the largest strike out (or missed at bat) record of any batter as well. You have to take a hit to get a home run. I was dating people unless I had gotten to know them pretty well... which sometimes put you into the friend zone and as someone said... it's hard to get out of that. So maybe you need to take a bit of a risk and go out with essentially strangers and when you do, sometimes unfortunately they judge you on the littlest of things. You can't take it personally. You can't... they don't know you well enough yet. But if the chemistry is there and the respect of the people, you have a 2nd date, and then a 3rd. I have a 3 date rule that I learned from a friend. 1st date, you may have an off day... 2nd date, they may have an off day, 3rd date... if you still aren't connecting you just aren't it. But give it the 3 dates. I think that's kinder than just blowing people off if you don't totally connect on the first date. But if you like them enough on paper or on the phone to go out, then if they don't scare you along the way... try sticking it out for 3 dates... but you might have some bad dates - then you'll know what they are at least. hehe. I hope that helps.
 
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godlessinseattle is offline godlessinseattle Post #8  December 12,2008, 10:04am
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I've had fabulous dates, god awful dates, all right dates, so-so dates, pretty darn good dates and so on.


Sometimes I have dated friends, close friends. Most of the time though I barely know them and the underlying goal of the date is to get to know him better. Sometimse onceI do know them better, I never want to see them again. Other times...
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #9  December 12,2008, 10:54am
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curious_girl,375283 wrote :

As a woman; if I view a man as a "friend"~ that's exactly what it is. I'm not intending to "date" him. Dating is when you get to know the person and decide if you want a relationship with them. That's just my pov.
So are you saying that "relationship" is really just a keyword for having sex or a family? (just asking...I do think that's what it means but I'm asking if that's how you see it too).
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #10  December 12,2008, 10:57am
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godlessinseattle,377744 wrote :

Sometimes I have dated friends, close friends. Most of the time though I barely know them and the underlying goal of the date is to get to know him better. Sometimse onceI do know them better, I never want to see them again. Other times...
(What's your criteria for calling someone a close friend?)
 
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