live4God is offline live4God Post #1  August 26,2009, 9:17am
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I have been communicating with someone who I thought we hit it off - but he waited a long time to reply on the third communication. I was eagerly waiting and when he did reply I answered in a couple of hours. Now I am waiting and waiting for his next reply. How long should I give a guy to reply and know that he is still interested? What is a reasonable amount of time to wait - he has a lot of spare time too. I don't want to ask him why it takes so long if in reality I am expecting too much. We have been discussing what we want in a relationship - something important. He has been straight forward - it's not a matter of me seeming to push him to respond. He really could have easily responded by now.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #2  August 27,2009, 6:46am
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live4God wrote :
I have been communicating with someone who I thought we hit it off - but he waited a long time to reply on the third communication. I was eagerly waiting and when he did reply I answered in a couple of hours. Now I am waiting and waiting for his next reply. How long should I give a guy to reply and know that he is still interested? What is a reasonable amount of time to wait - he has a lot of spare time too. I don't want to ask him why it takes so long if in reality I am expecting too much. We have been discussing what we want in a relationship - something important. He has been straight forward - it's not a matter of me seeming to push him to respond. He really could have easily responded by now.
Really that question can only be answered by you. Wait as long as you want to wait, then move on. There is no such thing as a 'reasonable' amount of time to wait. Just depends on how long you're willing to wait vs possible outcomes.

There are probably things going on that you don't know about. I would avoid questions like "Why did it take you so long to respond?"
To me that says, "I'M NEEDY AND DESPERATE, PLEASE LOVE ME AND TALK TO ME EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY."
That's probably not the message you want to send, especially if it's not true.

My best guess would be that he's taking time to process his feelings, and figure out what he wants. Trust me, you want him to take all the time he needs to do that. Pushing, pulling, prodding, and all other forms of attempting to rush the process will only end in disaster.

So, either wait patiently, or move on. I think those are your only two realistic choices.
 
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1Horselady is offline 1Horselady Post #3  August 28,2009, 9:57pm
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kevin76 wrote :
Really that question can only be answered by you. Wait as long as you want to wait, then move on. There is no such thing as a 'reasonable' amount of time to wait. Just depends on how long you're willing to wait vs possible outcomes.

There are probably things going on that you don't know about. I would avoid questions like "Why did it take you so long to respond?"
To me that says, "I'M NEEDY AND DESPERATE, PLEASE LOVE ME AND TALK TO ME EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY."
That's probably not the message you want to send, especially if it's not true.

My best guess would be that he's taking time to process his feelings, and figure out what he wants. Trust me, you want him to take all the time he needs to do that. Pushing, pulling, prodding, and all other forms of attempting to rush the process will only end in disaster.

So, either wait patiently, or move on. I think those are your only two realistic choices.
Great answer, I agree with you completely. Only question I would throw your way would be, shouldn't he tell her that he is thinking hard about his decision, rather than having her think that he didn't care enough to reply? That would give both time to consider options, rather than leaving her there thinking he poofed on her. Suzie
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #4  August 29,2009, 7:12am
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1Horselady wrote :
Great answer, I agree with you completely. Only question I would throw your way would be, shouldn't he tell her that he is thinking hard about his decision, rather than having her think that he didn't care enough to reply? That would give both time to consider options, rather than leaving her there thinking he poofed on her. Suzie
Well yes, he should tell her that's what he's doing. But since when do guys always do what they should?
So he probably has some communication issues. But they may improve with time as he gets to know her, and they may not. I have some minor difficulties with communication sometimes, myself.
And the fastest way to make me withdraw and shut down is to try and pressure me into talking. The more pressure I feel, the harder it is for me to communicate. That's my personality - no, I'm not using it as an excuse, I've actually been working hard on that and I think I've improved a lot, but it is a real issue with some people that should be taken into consideration.

**added in edit**
Trying to pressure a guy into being comfortable talking to you is kind of like trying to nag him into loving you - it's more likely to backfire than to succeed in getting what you want.
Last edited by kevin76; August 29,2009 at 1:21pm. Reason: added afterthought..fixed typo
 
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hopefloats7009 is offline hopefloats7009 Post #5  August 31,2009, 11:29am
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[quote=live4God;721627]I was eagerly waiting and when he did reply I answered in a couple of hours. Now I am waiting and waiting for his next reply. How long should I give a guy to reply and know that he is still interested? What is a reasonable amount of time to wait - he has a lot of spare time too. I don't want to ask him why it takes so long if in reality I am expecting too much. quote]

I think you're worrying way too much about how long it's taking him to reply. First of all, if he DOESN'T reply, then count your blessings that you didn't get in too deep. Know what I mean?
 
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Naiche is offline Naiche Post #6  September 7,2009, 8:34pm
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Some people may have very little time because of work or other commitments. But I do not think I would wait more than a week. 10 days if you really like this person. This is the answer I would give you since you have already started to communicate.
 
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1Horselady is offline 1Horselady Post #7  September 21,2009, 8:21pm
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Naiche wrote :
Some people may have very little time because of work or other commitments. But I do not think I would wait more than a week. 10 days if you really like this person. This is the answer I would give you since you have already started to communicate.
I agree with you, although I give him just a little longer just in case he might be on vacation. Just don't wait to long, or you'll find yourself just getting older..........and older.........Suzie
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #8  October 1,2009, 5:41pm
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When someone says "I thought we hit it off" that's a yelllow flag to me because it's your speculation. How can one tell if the other person isn't just being very nice vs. really being interested? That person may have 10 conversations ... who knows.
 
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