Trudy75 is offline Trudy75 Post #1  June 14,2009, 1:31am
Trudy75's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 49

See profile

I posted on another forum the other day, and was told to come here. So here's my problem:

I've been with my boyfriend for a while, and I love him to bits. We were already best friends when we became a couple and the whole thing just seemed so perfect. All in all, I've known him probably a year and a half. We've been together a year and we've had a really solid relationship and we were talking about our future together and everything looked rosy. It's been long distance from day one, but his job has offices in my town and its part of his job to stay here every now and then. Up until this happened, he's always told me how much he loves me, how lucky he is to be with me and just done everything he could to show me that he was very serious about us.

Then, about six months ago, he was told that he has cancer and that it didn't look very good. He started treatments, and he hasn't had many side effects. It seemed that although he was scared, he was keeping his spirits up. A couple of weeks ago they told him the treatments weren't doing what they had hoped.

Before that, a few weeks ago (about six or seven), he started to become more and more distant. I'm guessing he already knew something about the treatments not doign what they had hoped. He's never been the type to talk about his problems. He prefers to keep everything bottled up inside, although he's opened up to me many times (although not on this issue. He says it can only hurt me to know all the details.) Now I'm worried that he's heading towards depression.

Then again, he keeps up with his social obligations - he goes to football practice, work, meets his family and friends on the weekends. He doesn't seem very interested in doing anything with me, though. He stops by, stays for a little while during which he barely speaks to me. I have tried asking him how he's doing, and he told me that he's feeling overwhelmed.

So, as I said, I'm worried about him starting to feel depressed. Or maybe he doesn't have the emotional energy to be with me anymore, and he just doesn't have the heart to dump me. I think he still loves me. Although it's been a while since he really did anything to show it. Deep down I think he needs to come to terms with his illness, and the fact that he might die, before he can start focusing on things outside himself again. But if being in a relationship isn't something he really feels able to at this point, then I would understand that too. I don't want to make things more difficult for him. I can't begin to imagine what the inside of his head must look like right now. At the same time, the uncertainty is eating me up. I don't mean that to sound selfish, really I don't. I'm mostly just scared for him. But I also wonder if I'm becoming depressed from all this. I can't sleep properly, I'm not able to focus on my work. All I do is worry about this.

I'm so scared of this disease and of losing him.

I think I might be unable to see things clearly, so I could really use some advice...

Also, nobody but me knows that he is even ill so other than me, there's no support network on the issue, other than myself.
 
  Reply With Quote
Trudy75 is offline Trudy75 Post #2  June 16,2009, 4:40am
Trudy75's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 49

See profile

Nevermind. I've learned that this has nothing to do with me. He just needs to take a step back every now and then to cope with what's happening to him. Plus his treatmets are very draining and he's just plain exhausted
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« I love books which help u solve problems, so I thought of this topic... | Ask Problem Solvers | What Should I Do? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Why won't he... Lindseee Relationships 14 May 14,2009 7:43pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“He broke up...The best way to stay hung-up is to keep dwelling,wishing, hoping, reminiscing....Like staring at an empty bottle of booze when you are trying to quit drinking. Rather than focus on a ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“Oh how annoying - I had typed a HUGE post prompted by TheThinker's query as to why I would think it a good idea to wait 5-10 years to date/or until children are out of the house. I am too annoyed to ... ” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“This is very true. If someone has a truly old /outdated account since the questionnaire was altered then it's a decent solution. It's become an urban legend on eHA that this is a good idea. Mostly ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Shared interests and ones who are laddetts for mine.” –  ian80au

Join the “Green Flags in Profiles” discussion

“Completely cancel /delete your existing account. That will also cancel /delete all long-dead, geographically irrelevant matches. Since you are in a new area it's silly to use an old /outdated ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Removing old matches - there has to be a better way” discussion

“I'm very sorry for your loss, Suzanne. It's not surprising you're feeling confused and making some memory errors. That happened to me too when my mother died. Life just isn't normal for awhile. ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“I am closing this thread since the Original Poster (OP) was asking about the eHarmony of 2-1/2 years ago -- the thread is old (see date in the upper right of the first post). Some responses will no ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“Thanks for your advice guys, really helps out. I guess everything is a matter of balance, which isn't something that I can work out right now. I think I will focus on school for the remaining 3 years ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:24am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0